So I made a throwaway account to ask this question because I’m embarrassed about it but I have to ask.
My husband and I have been married for several years and in all that time I have never been able to have “satisfaction” (so to speak) in our sexual relations, not even once. We have tried EVERYTHING and none of it seems to work. At this point, the only way I can get a release is to take matters into my own hands (so to speak) but then I deal with all the guilt and anxiety before I can get to confession. I need to know if this is a mortal sin. Is it okay to receive the Eucharist if I am not able to get to confession first If I have had to do this? I don’t look at porn or anything like that. I just feel like a bad wife and a bad Catholic and a bad everything.
I am just so frustrated and disappointed. I spent my whole life thinking sex was going to be this amazing thing that would bring my husband and I together but the more time that goes on the more bitter I feel towards him in that department because he can “get there” so easily and I can’t. It’s not that he isn’t being generous or doing everything he can to help me. It just never happens for me. I know it isn’t a physical/medical issue because I do have desire and I can to it by myself, and I love my husband and want him in that way and we have our ups and downs but nothing so stressful that it should be hindering me in this way (plus it’s ALWAYS been like this, even on our honeymoon!)
it’s just become this endless repeating cycle of frustration building up for weeks then I finally give in and take care of it then I have this horrible guilt and fear that God is basically going to strike me down if I don’t get to confession right away. I’m embarrassed that I have to keep confessing the same thing time and time again but I just don’t see how it is ever going to change. Am I really doomed to choose between a lifw of frustration and dissatisfaction or a life of guilt?