Embarrassing mass stories?

Y’all, today at mass I was coming forward to receive the Eucharist and my hands were kinda at my chest. Quite often I clasp my hands or kinda hold them around my chest area, just so that when I get to the priest it will be clear that I do not want to receive in the hand, rather on the tongue. Anyway, when I went up, Father misinterpreted my hands and thought I wanted a blessing and raised his hand to begin to bless me. While I’d love a blessing, I wanted the Eucharist more so I whispered “oh…umm no” and gave my hand a little wave and he was like “ohh” and I received the Eucharist I sheepishly went back to my pew. Y’all… I know it’s not that bad but it was a slightly embarrassing start to my morning…:woman_facepalming:t3::joy:

How about you? Any embarrassing mass stories you want to share to make me feel a little less bad?? :grin::joy:

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I have something which happened me only last week!
My parish was lucky enough to have one of our Bishops celebrate mass. As the MC, I made sure everything was in place and as perfect as possible. I had to sort out the candles on the altar (one of which was slightly loose) but as we had to start mass, I lit all of the candles and everything went as you would expect. Then, disaster struck. As we recited the nicene creed, the loose candle slowly fell out of its holder and the candle was stood at an angle (on the verge of falling!). I didn’t know what to do as we were praying, so I though I would wait until we finished the creed, but upon finishing the church was silent. It was just my luck that the candle decided to fall onto the altar at that moment and create a sound so loud, the congregation were genuinely scared. I immediately got up to fix it. Thankfully the candle stood in place thereafter, as I was scared it may fall during the consecration.

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I was running late and the small parking lot was full and I couldn’t find a close spot on the street, so I parked in front of the garage not thinking it would matter for less than an hour. Lo and behold, after the Lamb of God the priest interrupted Mass to say a car was blocking the garage and if it could be moved because the priest had to get to the partnering parish to hear Confession. Fortunately I was on the end not far from the back so I slipped out with only a few people noticing. Walking to the garage I thought I’d then run into the priest but he was already in his car waiting for my car to be moved. I missed Communion but figured that was my penalty for having Mass interrupted and for making the priest late for Confession.

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When my son was little, we went to mother’s day mass. He wanted to walk behind the kneeling people on the pew and of course I wouldn’t let him. The priest decided to go into the congregation at just that moment and asked if any children wanted to say anything about their moms (end of mass…before announcements) and just as he asked, my son screamed at me "you’re a bad, bad, mean mommy!

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At my parish, my low gluten host has been forgotten to be put out when things were set up for Mass. Which meant, that when I was at the altar rail, Father had to whisper “sorry, I don’t have it” and move on to the next person … which meant as I was kneeling with my head tilted back to receive, those next to me knew I didn’t receive, though may not have heard Fathers whispered words. This has happened about 3 times in about 5 weeks or so. I was getting used to making spiritual communions … …

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Years ago I was at mass with my nephew (in-law) about aged 8yrs something to do with his school. Anyway the priest goes and says: Hail Mary…

To be followed by a loud voice shouting HAIL PLANKTON! (hint it’s from SpongeBob)

To uproarious laughter.

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My daughter was making her communion and at one of the masses leading up to it the gospel was Matthew 22 about a denarius and rendering unto Caesar etc.

Anyway he talks about how they get funny coins sometimes and one time they got an old large penny. Anyway he brings all the Communion kids up to the lectern, asks them different questions about the gospel and then produces an old penny and asks what the “1d” stands for.

All you can hear is this little voice saying “One Direction” and the whole church erupted in laughter.

Instantly I knew it was my daughter lol.

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My embarrassing Mass story starts with my baptism at Easter Vigil.

I had been through the RCIA program and at Easter Vigil the plan was to put a big jacuzzi in front of the sanctuary, draped in white cloth, and Fr would totally immerse us. I don’t remember if I was first or not, but FR was over jealous in his dunking technique.

I entered the tub, and Father put his hand at the back of my head, and with “In the name of the Father…” he dunked me, and my forehead smacked into one of the built in seats with a THUD that resounded throughout the church. It was impossibly loud and I remember it so vividly. When I came up, everyone appeared aghast. Father asked “are you ok? Sorry!”

“OK to go” I replied.

“…and of the son…” and back in I went.

Hopefully the inclusion of “are you OK?” didn’t invalidate the formula.

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That’s funny, I often see potential candle problems during Mass. It seems like the best thing to do is to fix a potential problem immediately and as discreetly as possible without causing any interruptions or unnecessary distractions.

For fun a while ago I put as ringtone a song from a traditional music playlist. I forgot to mute the phone and in the total silence at Mass all the sudden started this very loud belly dancing music… :rofl: :rofl: :flushed:

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The way you told the story really helped me picture it and made me laugh - thanks for that. At least you, the priest and the congregation present won’t forget your Baptism any time soon!

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Mute mute mute!
Glad it wasn’t me.

After mass, there was a funeral announcement for the coming week. Just then someone’s phone blurted out the best known circus music you know!
Da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da, da-da :circus_tent::clown_face:
Cringe. :grimacing:

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Some years ago I was at a Mass in a fairly small church where the sermon was, in all truth, long and boring, delivered by a dour priest in a monologue. A child about 3 years old suddenly yawned outloud with all the emphasized sound effects that go into a good long loud yawn. The whole church broke into badly suppressed giggles. It was really funny!

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That gave me the giggles.

Oh, I am sorry to hear that story. Did you return to the
church to finish Mass or just leave?

Wouldn’t you know? Maybe they will put a no parking sign or something else there so people know not to
park there. But you did not know a priest would be needing to leave. Sorry you had to miss receiving the
Eucharist.

@Zach

It’s called “Entry of the Gladiators” by Julius Fucik… apparently. I had to look it up :slight_smile:

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Shortly before updating our sound system years ago, we found we were picking up a signal from a neighboring christian assembly.

The timing (after Communion) of the surprisingly loud, and very animated preaching, led to a prompt blessing, dismissal and final hymn.

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This is an 80 year old funny. In an outback Church the Bishop would only visit the parish once every 2 years or so to do first Sacraments for the remote farming children. It was always a very big and formal occasion. My uncle who was raised with impeccable manners was a young child at this one Mass. The procession up the isle was a great spectacle with the Bishop bringing up the rear … crosier in hand and mitre on his head. In the quiet just before Mass began, my uncle in his naturally loud little voice called out “hats off in the house!” to the Bishop. I’m sure the Bishop recounted the story more than once! :laughing:

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I had a slight laugh attack when the other altar boy got his hand stuck in the cruet for a little while.

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I have served Mass three times with our Cardinal-Archbishop.

The first time everything was fine.
The second time, I had to put a cope around His Eminence’s neck and it fell right off leaving the cardinal to look up at me in a confused manner. Eventually our pastor did it properly.
The third time, last December - I had to light the first two advent candles. I tried to light three until my pastor told me only two needed to be lit. Then it turned out I had lit the wrong candles. All of these things happened during the middle of Mass celebrated by the cardinal.

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