In a previous thread, I had mentioned that my wife and I had determined that we could no longer actively avoid having children. We had previously been using NFP and things were clearly going well for us in that regard. Now, we’re not actively avoiding pregnancy, but not actively trying to conceive either – leaving it up to God, as it were.
Here’s the interesting catch. Since we’d spent a significant amount of time learning her cycles, we pretty good at knowing when everything is happening. We’ve found that our sex drive during her fertile times is rather low – so we’re still inadvertently avoiding. We’re not trying to conceive, so we’re still in a weird mood when we know it’s highly likely that we would conceive. Previously we knew that we should abstain when she’s in her fertile stage. Now we know she’s fertile, and we think about what we had been doing previously. We end up just not doing anything on those days since there’s no sin in simply not being in the mood, after all. Part of the motivation of this is that the idea that we’re going to be parents is kinda scary – okay, utterly terrifying. I know that reaction is fairly normal, but that still kinda kills the mood on occasion. Eventually, I would rather conceive on a day when we decide “Okay, let’s do this” rather than a halfhearted “Well, we didn’t really decide to, but it happened anyway”.
For those of you who have been in a similar situation, I have a question for you. How awkward was it when you first had sex on a day that you would have previously abstained? Did you just throw caution to the wind, or were you more tentative about things? I’m assuming that most people did keep charting for various reasons and didn’t just say “Okay, we’re done with that – back to ignorance about my monthly cycle” so you would still know which days had a likely chance of conception.
“My situation” is that we were using NFP to help us avoid pregnancy and now we’re going to “stop” avoiding, but we’re not actively trying to conceive. We would welcome a child if she got pregnant, but if it didn’t happen this month, we would not be upset or concerned. So I’m looking for advice from anybody with that experience, with no regard to when in your marriage it happened. If it was before your first child, or after you thought you were done, or somewhere in the middle – all advice is welcome.