This is my first time using this site, but I wasn’t sure where to turn. I am in serious need of advice. I’ve been engaged now for almost one year. I found out a few weeks ago that my fiance cheated on me while he was away at training for work. He met this woman while out for dinner with some other work people. They flirted over the course of the evening, and he conveniently forgot to mention me to her. Heavy drinking took place throughout the night. Apparently there was an open bar at dinner, and after dinner his group went out to a bar. After the bar, my fiance went to this woman’s room. He claims that his intention was to continue a conversation they were having. She made a move and the situation spiraled downward from there. They didn’t have sex because my fiance was unable to physically. They did, however, do plenty of other disgusting things.
At first, my fiance told me that he had made out with someone else. Naturally my heart was broken, but I could understand how too much alcohol could lead to that decision. As time went on he began to spill more and more of the story.
I should give you more background about my fiance. He and I are both Catholic. We have struggled with chastity in the past, but our goal has always been to abstain. We have made a lot of progress over the course of our engagement. My fiance is very religious and has always struggled to forgive himself for sins, mistakes, etc. He’s very hard on himself. He’s also very loving, and I do believe a very good person.
I think that this act was very out of character for him. I don’t think he would ever, in a sober state of mind, do something like this. I also don’t think it would ever happen again. That being said, I don’t know that I will ever be able to let it go. I want to erase it from my mind. The thoughts are more than I can take. I’m scared that I won’t be able to look at him the same.
What is the right thing to do? If I think that deep down this isn’t who he is, should I forgive him? Is this something that he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven for? Any advice would be very much appreciated. Sorry if this is very scatterbrained.