This is one of my first posts here, but I thought this would be a good place to come ask a delicate question.
My fiance and I are both Catholic, and we are to be married in two months. Neither of us want to use contraception in our marriage, and we are hoping to learn about and practice NFP for at least a few months to a year… to be quite frank, we aren’t looking for a long term avoidance of children, but think it would be more responsible, financially and otherwise, to have probably a year or maybe a little more before we have children. I won’t get into it, but after a good deal of prayer and consideration or our personal situation, I think we have sufficiently just reasons for wanting to postpone pregnancy, for at least a short time.
However, we are coming up on a bit of a predicament. My fiance has read about NFP and has been tracking her periods and everything, and is reasonably certain that starting right about our wedding day, and for the following week (which would be our honeymoon), would be her most fertile time of the month.
Like I said, neither of us wants to use artificial birth control.
My opposition to using it is firmly rooted in my faith and in my understanding of Church teaching - in other words, I do think it would be a gravely immoral thing to do, and not a good foot to start a marriage on.
She has somewhat of a similar understanding, as in she believes that contraception diminishes the act, and isn’t a good (or healthy) thing to practice in marriage over the long term, but is prone to think that it is acceptable in certain situations.
So this is a tough spot. In my mind, there are two moral options -one is to put it in God’s hands, and accept a new life if it comes, and the other is to abstain - for the very first week of our marriage, including our wedding night. There’s a part of me that isn’t even sure that’s moral either. I mean, it’s the physical expression of the vows we are going to take that day, right?
I am also, unfortunately, fearful that my fiance is going to want to use some form birth control for that first week to avoid pregnancy right away. She has friends who are proponents of contraception, and even told her that she should just go on the pill without telling me, since they know my stance on the issue. Thank God she dismissed that option out of hand, but this is only to illustrate the situation we’re in. They basically are trying to convince her that whethre she goes on birth control or not is entirely up to her - “it’s her body.” I think this idea contradicts the idea of a genuine marriage at its core, and thankfully she’s not particularly susceptible to it, and wants us to make the decision together. Long story short, she doesn’t like the idea of contraception, but isn’t ultimately opposed to it in all circumstances.
I love her dearly and want to be sensitive about this, and I think she is ultimately doesn’t want to use contraception, and will grow in time into believing with the Church, especially as we practice NFP, but this first week of our marriage has thrown us for a loop. She doesn’t (and I don’t really either, but I’m trying to be open to what God calls us to) want a pregnancy right off the bat. Remember, we’re not talking about wanting to travel the world and satisfying all our material desires before entering the “burdensome” world of parenthood. We just don’t think a honeymoon baby would be best for that baby. (Of course, maybe God has other plans, I dont know.) How do you get started on NFP when you get married during the woman’s most fertile period?
Basically, any advice one could give, either about the practical aspects, or perhaps how I can talk to my fiance - who is mostly on board with the Church teaching, but who has told me she thinks that at times contraception can be justified. What can we do? I know, or I hope, no one tells me we should use contraception, I just can’t reconcile that with what I believe we are doing on our wedding day. Do we just put it in God’s hands, though? Anyone ever heard of abstaining on your wedding night or honeymoon?
Prayers are appreciated.