Engaged Couple looking for Catholic Humble Advice


#1

Hello,

My fiance have a tough situation and are rather embarrassed about it…We are engaged and have been living with each other for the past 2 years. Before we moved in with each other we both mutually decided we would save the “sexual life” for marriage as a promise to Christ. I had always heard as a Catholic that living together was sinful. I had just assumed that the Church assumed if you were living together you would be “living the active sexual life style” like a married couple. But my fiance and I did not embrace the sexual lifestyle, but still decided to move in with each other not knowing if it is sinful our not. We have discussed it with our priest in pre-marriage counseling and I have gone to confession for “living together” even though we are not sexually active. We have bought a house together and we cannot change the situation of her moving out now because of financial reasons and so forth. We feel really guilty and I want to recieve Christ in the Eucharist, but I would like some advice please…any thoughts or encouraging words since we are already beyond the point of return by not living with each other now? We are getting married in 8 mths from now…please help and do not judge us…:confused:


#2

[quote="flightkid, post:1, topic:187893"]
Hello,

My fiance have a tough situation and are rather embarrassed about it...We are engaged and have been living with each other for the past 2 years. Before we moved in with each other we both mutually decided we would save the "sexual life" for marriage as a promise to Christ. I had always heard as a Catholic that living together was sinful. I had just assumed that the Church assumed if you were living together you would be "living the active sexual life style" like a married couple. But my fiance and I did not embrace the sexual lifestyle, but still decided to move in with each other not knowing if it is sinful our not. We have discussed it with our priest in pre-marriage counseling and I have gone to confession for "living together" even though we are not sexually active. We have bought a house together and we cannot change the situation of her moving out now because of financial reasons and so forth. We feel really guilty and I want to recieve Christ in the Eucharist, but I would like some advice please....any thoughts or encouraging words since we are already beyond the point of return by not living with each other now? We are getting married in 8 mths from now....please help and do not judge us.....:confused:

[/quote]

The reason why living together without sexual contact is considered a sin by some catholics, is because it is considered scandalous by some.

Here is the Catechism's definition of scandal:

Respect for the souls of others: scandal

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor's tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. *Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.
*

2285 Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."85 Scandal is grave when given by those who by nature or office are obliged to teach and educate others. Jesus reproaches the scribes and Pharisees on this account: he likens them to wolves in sheep's clothing.86

2286 Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion.

Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to "social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible."87 This is also true of business leaders who make rules encouraging fraud, teachers who provoke their children to anger,88 or manipulators of public opinion who turn it away from moral values.

2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!"89

Do you think that you and your fiance's living together is causing others to do evil?


#3

Have you asked your priest for help in finding a place for you to go for the few months that are left till the wedding? he may be able to reccomend a good situation for you.
Your conciense is acting up for a reason don't just tune it out.


#4

Actually the best advise anyone can give you is to follow the direction of your confessor.
I will say that I fear for you since you have put yourself in the “Near occasion of sin” and this could become more of an issue as your wedding date approaches.

Peace
James


#5

I do not believe so and I hope and pray not, but if for some reason we are I am man enough to take the punishment for it on judgement day…until than I may never know


#6

[quote="JRKH, post:4, topic:187893"]
Actually the best advise anyone can give you is to follow the direction of your confessor.
I will say that I fear for you since you have put yourself in the "Near occasion of sin" and this could become more of an issue as your wedding date approaches.

Peace
James

[/quote]

It's not necessarily a near occasion of sin however. They seem to have lived together for a while, and haven't had sex. Living together doesn't seem to be an occasion of sin for them.


#7

Thank you for all your help and guidance...I am doing the best I can to act in good conscience and I am doing the best I can in the situation I am in...if I could go back I would change it and I would not reccommend living together before marriage even if you are not "sexually active" please pray for us and if there is any other advice please let me know....:shrug:


#8

[quote="flightkid, post:1, topic:187893"]
Hello,

My fiance have a tough situation and are rather embarrassed about it...We are engaged and have been living with each other for the past 2 years.

[/quote]

then get married, there is no reason not to. it is simply absurd to put all aspects of your life together under one roof, finances included, and not be married. There is no benefit to remaining unmarried and I defy you to think of one. Every day you stay in the same household w/o marrying presents a huge obstacle to your future happiness and the success of your marriage. You want to grow in the intimacy that characterizes marriage outside the bedroom--eating together, doing daily chores together, talking, making decisions etc--, yet you do not want to do this with the grace that accompanies the sacrament of matrimony. Spiritual and psychological insanity.

as far as anything that may be matter for confession, that is where you get that advice, not here.


#9

What were your reasons for living together in the first place?


#10

Neither of you can find a friend or relative to live with for a few months?

Come on, be creative. You can work something out. Perhaps downscale a few of the wedding plans to make this right?


#11

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