Engaged to a Non-Catholic and stressing


Hi! I’m not sure what kind of advice I’m looking for really, but I will take anything I can get!

I am a cradle Catholic and struggling. I fell away from the faith about two years ago and have made small attempts to “come back” since. I have a lot of questions that I haven’t been able to get solid answers to. My fiance is a non-denominational christian…but very much a fundamentalist. He is a strong supporter of sola fide and sola scriptura (spelling?) and has many questions about Catholicism…which I can’t answer and find myself wondering about as well. Although there are a plethora of differences between us the two biggest problems we are running into is where the Catholic faith gets its authority (i.e. Rome or the Bible…etc) and how Catholics are “saved” (i.e. through works or accepting Jesus). Any feedback would be greatly appreicated as I am terribly confused about my faith.:confused:

Thanks, and God Bless!!


You might want to post this question in the Apologetics forum, though I’m sure some will answer you here as well. You can also do a search on the Catholic Answers web page for Tracts about these questions. Here’s a quick search I did–

If you don’t have a Catechism of the Catholic Church, you should get one and read it.

I’d also advise you to search the forums for related topics regarding people marrying outside of the Catholic faith and the struggles they have faced…

Hope that gives you a starting point…

God bless you in your journey



Hi Irish! :wave:

This is great! What an exciting time for you! I loved this time of my life when I first woke up to my Catholic faith. It was such a Graced filled and blessed time. Don’t worry so much about your fiance, but just give yourself to your search into Catholicism.

The most important thing for you to do is have little conversations with God asking him to reveal to you answers to your questions.

I have some recommendations for you if you are a reader:

Mother Angelica’s Questions not Promises


I tripped over this one in the library one day when I wasn’t a practicing Catholic. It got me started on my road back into the Church.

Rome Sweet Home by the Hahns. This helped me a lot to understand a lot of our doctrines as related to the Bible. It was helpful, too, because it is about a couple who are united in their faith for a number of years.


And, this is a nice book for a fundamentalist Christian to understand Catholicism better as well as for a Catholic to see where a fundamentalist is coming from.


And, these books on Saints really drew me to a Catholic understanding of prayer, scripture, virtue and love of God.


If you aren’t a big reader, there are lots of audio that is helpful. All of the above books are on audio, too!

Here’s some links on Audio:

Mixed marriages are more difficult in a lot of ways. I am all ready telling my kids not to date non Catholics (when they are ready to date, of course). We’ve had some difficult years because of our differences in Faith. And, I’ve somewhat frightened by the statistics of kids who don’t practice the Faith–less than 20% of kids grow up to practice when their dads aren’t Catholic.

But, just because it’s harder doesn’t mean it isn’t doable! Even with our struggles, I’d still choose the same nonCatholic spouse I have today. God bless you.


You (and he) might find Catholicism for Dummies very helpful. It’s very easy to find stuff, and it’s very orthodox. Whatever it says, is right.



Hi Irisheyes!
You can find all the answers you are looking for, so don’t get discouraged:) One book not mentioned so far is Karl Keating’s Catholicism and Fundamentalism. Good luck on your faith journey - we’ll be praying for you:thumbsup:


This may not be exactly what you are looking for but somebody mentioned this site the other day and it’s very interesting


The books that people have already mentioned are probably the best but you could also look at

A Biblical Defense of Catholicism by Dave Armstrong and his web site


May the Holy Spirit continue to guide you!


Oops… and I forgot John Martignoni’s site

Bible Christian Society He has a bunch of free talks

This one is very interesting as well

Baptist Minister Becomes Priest


I agree with leonie about the book, Rome Sweet Home by ***Scott ***and Kimberly Hahn.
I learned a lot about our faith from the conversion of this great couple as told in this book.

I seldom find time to read a book cover to cover unless it is interesting. This book, I did.

In that book, Scott Hahn also tackled the issue of Sola Fide and Sola Scriptura very well and how those issues led him to convert to the Catholic faith.

Its not a boring book, believe me. Highly recommended. :slight_smile:


I second it. Don’t worry it is a very very fast read since you never want to put it down!

The first time read for the story and feel the pain of the struggle they each went through. The second time pull out your bible, a pencil, a highlighter and a notebook and have fun! You will see so many thing you will want to research and ponder.

Welcome home!


I too, vote for Rome, Sweet Home. Hopefully your boyfriend reads it, too.

For you Irish, I wonder if it’s really just the faith thing or not. Are you put off by his challenges? Do you feel he is respectful of your desire to seek Catholic answers? There might be bigger questions about your relationship that require answers. Have you two been to pre-marriage counseling?

I am not a big “bible study” person. I would have difficulty answering these challenges off the top of my head. It is difficult to address these things when one is under pressure from “someone obviously more knowlegable that you.”

Lots of top notch sources for you listed above. May Peace find you.


These are all good suggestions. Other than asking specific questions here and finding resources for your defensive, here is an alternative strategy if he’s reasonably open to researching the Catholic faith.

Go to www.chnetwork.org

Call them. Tell them your situration. Ask them to locate a former Protestant (Fundamentalist) Minister/Pastor in your area. There is a good chance one lives near you, or might be willing to talk with him. Perhaps you could arrange a meeting if he’s open to that.

For free resources:

www.catholic.com is the best apologetics place on the web in my opinion, but there are others. I also like this one:



A book that I really like is *Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic *by David Currie.

He goes step by step through what Catholics believe and how he ended up converting. Awesome book. —KCT


I will pray for you. The above poster has hit the nail on the head when he says that pressure comes from someone obviously more knowledgable than you. But just remember the old Reagan saying to the effect that they are not dumb, it is just that they know much that isn’t right. Have heart.


What is the cause of the “stress”? Being engaged to be married should be a happy time for both of you even though you are of two separate faiths.

You fell away only 2 years ago and forgot all you have ever learned about the faith, the authority of the church and salvation? Wow - that was quick - does Easter ring a bell? You are just one confession away from being in full communion with the church hopefully.

Anyway - lot’s of good posters here but did anyone bring up:

  1. Assuming marriage in the church - see your priest soon
  2. Pre marriage catholic counseling as required by your parish
  3. Catechism of the Catholic Church - excellent resource book

We pray for your happiness and don’t stress - people of different faith get married all the time and live happily ever after - calm down - you will be fine. Our prayers are with you.


Can I ask where you got your statistics? As someone dating a non-Catholic man, I am concerned about that.


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