I hope someone can give me some guidance on this issue.
I used to play the flute at Mass. I have been diagnosed with OCD and this past year my obsessions have included worries that parts of the EUcharist could be on my flute (since I would play immediately after receiving Communion).
When you play the flute, deposits of food do form a crusty layer on the mouthpiece (I guess they just must come out with your spit and then harden). Normally, someone would wipe this off, but I am terrified that it could be the Eucharist.
I avoided doing anything with it for a while until my grandmother asked me to play the flute at my grandfather’s funeral Mass. I was asked to play immediately following Communion and my worries began again.
First I worried that I would blow out some old pieces of the Eucharist, so I began cleaning the food residue off the mouthpiece. I tried to clean it off with a cloth that I licked so that things might dissolve and the Eucharist might dissolve. Then I saw a chunk of something come on the cloth, so I tried to eat it off the cloth in case it was the Eucharist. Unfortunately, since I did it so quickly, I had not fasted before receiving it…is this a problem.
I think I noticed that there was slightly more discolored residue on the mouthpiece after playing at the funeral and at the grave. Since the only food I ate was the Eucharist, I am afraid this must be the Eucharist.
Now I am terrified to clean the flute or the cloth I used to wipe the inside and mouthpiece of the flute. I am also scared to play the flute.
What should I do? Please keep in mind that I have been diagnosed with OCD and am currently in therapy and on medication for it. Because of my OCD I have had major struggles with scrupulosity and have trouble separating real sins from innocent things.