Eucharistic minister and dating


#1

Hiya

I’ve been a Eucharistic minister for a while but recently I’ve started dating a separated Protestant who had already filed for divorce. They married for the wrong reasons and tried to stay together for the right reasons (kids) but it didn’t happen. My question is; if I continue dating him, can I still be a Eucharistic minister and can I still receive the Eucharist myself?


#2

Keep in mind that a Protestant marriage (all other things considered) gets the benefit of the doubt as a valid marriage; if it came to the point that he divorced and you two were thinking of marriage, he wouldn’t be free to marry you in the Catholic Church without an annulment!

More to the point, though, is that you describe him as separated and not yet divorced. That means you’re dating a married man! At the very least, that puts you in the neighborhood of the “near occasion of sin,” wouldn’t you say?

My question is; if I continue dating him, can I still be a Eucharistic minister and can I still receive the Eucharist myself?

It depends on a couple of things: whether you two have sinned is a big consideration. However, the question of ‘scandal’ comes to mind, too: is there the appearance of sin here? If you looked at a single Catholic woman dating a (still married) Protestant man, what would you presume is going on? Would you (or others) assume the relationship was sinful? (The very fact that he’s still a married man suggests that the answer is ‘yes’, don’t you think?)

The question, if you don’t mind me saying so, isn’t “can I still be a Eucharistic minister?” but rather, is “should I be dating a married man?”… :shrug:


#3

Sorry but you are not a Eucharistic Minister. The priest is the Eucharistic Minister. You are an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion (EMHC) which is not a Eucharistic Minister.
Just to be clear, a lay person CANNOT be a Eucharistic Minister.


#4

Ditto to the previous poster’s comment. You know what the Lord says about when a person even looks lustfully at another person that they commit adultery in their hearts. What would he say if this person was in an active relationship with a married person? What example is this giving this man’s children, and is this example leading them closer to God? Divorce is traumatic to children. Even if they look okay on the outside, on the inside they are mourning because divorce is the death of their family. Seeing or even knowing that their father is dating another woman is shaping their souls, even if they appear to be accepting of you. You both are teaching them that it is acceptable to commit adultery if the “reasons are right enough”. Like the other poster said, we must give this marriage the benefit of the doubt as being a valid Union. Just because your married boyfriend and his wife have checked out, doesn’t mean that it’s okay for an outsider to step in. What God has joined together, let no man seperate. I would talk to a priest about this. Personally, I wouldn’t feel okay about handling the Body and Blood of Jesus if I was with a married man. That’s just me.


#5

If you have ever kissed this man or thought of him with passion you have already committed adultery in your heart (Matt 5:28). Whether he is still married or not. the presumption is that his marriage is valid unless the Church declares it null.

Since he is still married, even it the eyes of common society, you risk bringing scandal upon yourself, which is another sin. You hold a public position within the church and, by your example, you are saying it is okay for an upstanding representative of the Church to consort with a married man. Others may see your example and think that if it’s alright for her, it must be alright for me. That’s why scandal is a sin - it leads others to sin.

So, in answer to your two questions, the answer to both is “no.”

I have a few questions for you - is your relationship with this man worth more than your relationship with Christ? You seem to be already questioning this just by posing your question here. Has this man, or whatever feelings you have for him, become your god, replacing the one true God as the first priority in your life? Is this man and this relationship worth more than your eternal salvation?

I will keep you in my prayers, SqueakD. You have some serious decisions to make.


#6

This oft times need repeating. Thanks!


#7

SQUEAKD:

Please read this post very carefully. It says everything you need to know.

And if you were in our parish, our pastor would never allow you to continue this relationship and be an EMHC. It is against more than one church document. Please search your heart.


#8

Dating a married man is a no-no.


#9

Are you sure you want to be a Catholic? There are other religions that will accept this. You have to ask yourself, do you have faith in Catholic Teaching? Why do you want to hand out Communion? Does it make you feel elevated or do you do it out of the love of the Church and of Christ?

The first poster suggests the ‘scandal’ element involved. There are many who look at everything going on in the Church and if they find out that you as a person who hands out communion are dating a separated (not even divorced yet) man, they will assume many things. It will turn some people off to the Church, some may not even attend anymore because of what they see as hypocrisy.

My next question is, why is he divorcing his wife? Is it because of you o r did you meet him after he left his wife? And why is he out dating if he’s not divorced? The secular has taken over your faith.

The next question I have is can you marry him and receive the sacrament of marriage given us by the Church after he divorces? I’ve always thought that was not permitted because in the eyes of God, when two people marry it is forever unless that marriage was annulled and for good reason.

After all that has been said, I also have no right to judge you. You need to go by your informed conscience. That means you have to look up the teachings of the Catholic Church, what the Bible reads along with the CCC to have a truly informed conscience.

I’m divorced. I’m not old, but I’ve decided not to date because of my divorce. My ex husband still attends Mass, receives Communion, and dates a woman for the past eight years. Believe me, it’s not platonic. Our adult children see this. I don’t like it but I rarely say anything. I have told him that according to Church Teaching, he is committing Adultery. And as such, creating scandal.

This life is not forever. If we truly have faith, we believe in eternity. Eternity is a long time. I’ll forgo the fifteen minutes of happiness I may have on this earth and try to shoot for eternity.


#10

To add to my already lengthy post. All people who are divorcing tell you they married for the ‘wrong reasons’ and they all say they tried to stay together for the ‘kids’. It’s the divorced man’s mantra.

Nobody can tell you what to do. We may be able to shake our fingers at you and quote from Church Teachings and Bible Quotes, but in the end, it is your fully informed conscience that needs to make that decision.

I will be thinking about you. I’m not judging you in any way, shape, or form. I know how it is being alone and I know as people we all need and/or wish there was someone we could love and be with. Don’t fall into the married man trap. Until he’s divorced, he’s married. Tell him once he’s divorced, give you a call. Perhaps ask him if he’s willing to become a Catholic. Then ask your pastor what his advice is.

Secularly, there are other problems inherent with marrying a divorced man with children. One is, the ex-wife comes with the deal.


#11

You have to make a choice. Are you a faithful Catholic or are you a woman who is in love with a married man.

The common description for this situation is: “My relationship… Well it is complicated”.

Following Christ is difficult but it isn’t all that complicated.

Make a decision and quit pretending that you don’t know what is right and what is wrong.


#12

You are not permitted to date/be romantically involved with a married man.
You should talk to your priest.


#13

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