Ever make a decision based mainly on your emotions?


#1

*Have you ever made a decision, mainly based on your emotions? If so, how did it turn out? I ask, because right now, as many of you know, my husband and I are discerning whether or not to move back to PA. Emotionally, I would love to, my husband can go either way–he wants everyone to be happy. But, financially speaking, we both have good jobs, and would it be wise to leave here, and move back? Found out this week, that my company won’t pay to move me back, since they moved me TO Florida. Which I wasn’t expecting them to move me back, but was worth asking. :o That said, I feel that the Holy Spirit is urging me/us not to make a decision solely based on emotions. It was like that still, small voice of God, speaking to me this morning through prayer, that I heard that.

I read recently, that God wants us to employ our wisdom and to ask Him for guidance. That if two things you’re choosing against are ‘morally neutral,’ then you must employ wisdom, as God would want. It didn’t say employ emotions. :blush:

Just curious as to your thoughts – if any of you have ever made a decision mainly based on emotions? I have a feeling most of you will say…DON’T DO THAT! LOL But, worth throwing the question out there.

Thanks, look forward to your insights.:)*


#2

Whatevergirl, [sign]???[/sign] ummm, you DO know what I’d have written on that sign :stuck_out_tongue:

But your emotions ARE important and must be taken into consideration. When I’m faced with similar decisions I find it often helps to make a list of the “pros” and “cons” for both choices and devaluate.

You’ve wrestled with this one for a long time. How did your visit to PA go?

One thing to remember about moving BACK to a place you lived is that many of your friends from when you were living there have gone on with their lives there and made new friends, gotten involved in new routines and activities. You will not necessarily be able to pick up just where you left off, so will have some of the adjustments to make that you did when you first moved to Florida.

Just maybe the fact that you’re still not settled on this one indcates that you should be moving back.

One question, what effect would a move now have on your childrens’ education? It is hard to move schools and does set children back to a greater or lesser degree.


#3

Emotions are a part of what makes us human and feelings all the more so. They are an important response to reality and something important in our motivations. Thus one can’t say, oh, that’s just emotions, let’s not take that into consideration. Sometimes the heart is right when the head is not, though our actions should indeed be guided by reason.


#4
  1. yes, of course we all have… That’s human nature
  2. No, I wouldnt’ make this one based on emotion. Where to raise your faimily is bigger than that. Weight the options, make sure everyone is going to be happy. Also I would spend some time praying and diserning where God wants you, there might be something important for you to do in FL. Then again there might be something important in PA, or perhaps neither place. Either way, it’s a good idea to ask God his thoughts on this one.

God Bless, and best of luck.


#5

I recently made a decision to move back to PA from sunny FL. There was emotion in the decision but I still heard that voice in my head. Not sure where it is going to go but I plan on hanging in there and work through it. It is nice seeing people I haven’t seen for quite awhile. Good luck.


#6

I have many times. My instincts are pretty good. The only time that I let emotion overrule my reason though was a disaster (my former marriage). I think you need to be both intuitive and analytical in a situation like this. So, OK, emotionally you want to move back to PA. That’s good to recognize. How you act on that is important. Why don’t you look into the logistics. Do a job search for the area that you want to move to. Talk to a realtor in FL and find out what the market is like for selling your house. Before you make any commitment to move, it would be a good idea to know whether or not you are upside down in your current house.


#7

I think when you are single it’s much easier to make decisions based on emotion. When you are married, there are other people involved and you have to think more about the consequences of your decisions!

You’ve done the pros and cons. You’ve gotten consensus from all family members. You can keep your job if you move. DH will have to find a new job, but you say that would not be difficult. You talk about wanting to move back constantly…

Soooo, I would say the *wisdom *part comes in as you ask yourself what is holding you back? The fear of making a wrong decision? Fear of financial consequences? Fear your kids won’t be happy? Small doubts that you won’t be any happier in PA? Something else really at the root of your unhappiness and FL is getting the blame?

Only you can answer these questions.


#8

My cat looks like a dead fly.


#9

Wha?

Has your username been hijacked?


#10

*1ke…I think those last questions in your final paragraph are worth me mulling over. DH and I were discussing it this morning…he asked…so, what are we going to do? It’s a bad thing to ‘‘feel’’ in limbo. I have weighed the pros and cons…we did that, last weekend, you are right. Pittsburgh came out ahead.

I am happy in my life…thankful to God for my family, my husband…my work. My husband’s work…There is this unsettled feeling here though. My husband thinks it goes waaay back, deep down inside, at the core of my fears…making a commitment. Buying a house, I’d say is my ‘‘fear’’ with Florida. My husband wants to buy…there are so many great deals right now, but I’m ‘‘fearful’’ of making a bad decision to commit to buying a house here in Florida, I guess. I also don’t feel ‘‘the same’’ about my job. That could be coupled with it all. I am happy in what I do, but financially, it’s not what ‘‘they’’ promised me…that could be due to the recession…and Florida is getting the blame for THAT…so, perhaps, Florida is getting blamed for the recession, and my company merged with another one earlier this year, so things changed considerably in corporate mgmt. Not bad, per se…but it’s just another change I’ve undergone. So many changes since 2007…I think our minds and bodies can only take so much change, does this make sense?

So, while I miss things about Pittsburgh, perhaps I feel by moving back, somehow, I won’t feel this unsettled feeling. My dh’s job has also caused us to literally have opposing schedules…I equate that to Florida, perhaps. Who’s to say that would not be the same way in Pittsburgh?

So, perhaps, I look at Florida as to blame for all of these changes, but overall, the move has not been bad. It has been good for us all, I’d say. The kids, included, although, dd says when she graduates high school…she is heading back to Pittsburgh to go to college. I think deep down Pittsburgh will always feel like home to us, whereas Florida doesn’t feel this way. There is that word** feel **again.

So…in reading my words here, maybe I need to figure out the EXACT reason for my desire to move back. Maybe that is more at hand, than my reasons AGAINST Florida. Thanks 1ke…you, like my dh, help me think more logically. Sadly, if I didn’t marry my husband…I might never make decisions, and then where would I be? :blush::shrug: Thank you. :hug1:*


#11

Now, I was just trying to lighten up whatevergirl a bit. :wink: Fat little bastard tipped over on my bed and put his paws all up looking like he’s all set. Felines have a knack for offering quality diversion. When we try to copy them, it kinda works out like my last post. :frowning:

Whatevergirl, it does seem like Pitty is home in your case. Maybe you’re starting to question your decision to move? Sometimes there are those decision that are regarded as if they were pure progress, whereas in reality no one’s particularly happy with them and they turn into a source of disappointment for everybody. However, you’re right recession and the corporate takeover are the same up north as they are in Florida and Florida might be collecting flak undeservedly.


#12

Cats do that too? That’s my dogs favorite position. Maybe I should take a lesson and try napping while the opportunity is there.


#13

only the dumb ones (dumb decisions that is).


#14

Aaauh Whatevergirl,:flowers:

Everyone has made emotional decisions in their life from small to big. I will keep praying for you and your family, and will resist giving my jaded opinion about the South and Florida, as if you do not know it already.haha:D

Very few decisions are absolutely perfect from the rear view mirror, there is usually something you could have done a little better. But try not to get “analysis paralysis” and over analyze. If you and your hubby can get good jobs back in PA, and pick up with friends new and old, maybe that’s a good thing.

One thing to try and think about is what brought y’all to Fla. a few years ago? Have those circumstances changed?:shrug:


#15

Well in general I agree with you that it isn’t wise to let your feelings guide you. But at the same time, your feelings are there, they’re a part of you that God created, so they shouldn’t be completely discounted.

And I’m talking as someone who had to seriously train myself to STOP making decisions based purely on emotions…I did it for years, and it was basically a childish thing I realized. Still, again…there are two sides to it. God can speak to us through our emotions. We all know there have been times where maybe we thought one way, completely rationally…but our hearts and our instincts told us something different, and ended up being correct.

The thing is though, from how you describe it your discernment re: Pittsburgh doesn’t seem to be completely emotion-based. You’ve also listed the rational reasons why it would be good to go back. You can keep your job; financially you can handle it; it’s what you really seem to want to do; your husband could go either way, so he’s not opposed to it; your kids still think of it as home and so do you…

I mean yeah, maybe there is some displacement going on, blaming Florida itself for other things that have changed in your life, or for other disappointments…But even if you take that away, your reasons for going back, as you’ve presented them here for months now, would be enough IMO.


#16

*claire…GratefulDad…1ke…dulcissima…annie…chevalier (thanks for the levity:D it helps) …and everyone else who took the time to reply…thank you!!

I asked one more person about this today…a priest who is my usual confessor. I decided to go to confession today, and in confessing my sins–one of them, was that I have been worried/anxious, etc lately…he said, why? I said…you have a minute? lol He said, yes. I explained the whole PA vs Florida thing (the nutshell version) and that while we are not unhappy here, I think that PA will always be home. Here is what he said…as I think his advice can serve to help us all when faced with tough decisions.

He basically said that when given a decision, we should always hold it up to the Light of God. That first and foremost, we are to follow the Commandments and the Church’s teachings. He said that that should be the FIRST thing we look at in our lives…’‘will this thing I’m deciding on, cause me to sin?’’ ‘‘will this thing I’m about to do, cause me to falter in my faith?’’ He said, what you present, sounds like it would not affect you either way, in that regard. He said, but when making a decision, we should always pray…and look for what God is trying to show us. He said, prayer isn’t a substitute for becoming passive though. He said that we have to weigh the advantages to moving back. He also said something very surprising…he said that if you feel God’s will was to bring you here, then why would God be asking you to return back? I didn’t say anything, I just listened. He reminded me of the passage Luke 9:62: Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” He said that sometimes God’s will brings some suffering.

It was one of the best confessions I might have ever had. He said for me to be happy, and to count my blessings. He said, the devil wants us to think about negatives when we have followed God’s will…so that we can lose our way. Make sure you don’t forget to count your blessings, surely there are many in your life, and surely there are some here in Florida. (and he laughed)

I find priests’ advice to be so…inspiring.

What do you make of his advice? He didn’t tell me which direction to go, I don’t think anyone can do that for my family and me…only my dh and I can make the final decision.

One thing that comes to mind as a deterrent for moving back, is that my dh was not happy in cold weather…being cooped up for months, because of cold and snow. I remember those days…it was a big factor in me agreeing to be relocated with my company to Florida. So, I don’t want to bring him pain. :frowning:

I do love where we have chosen to live, north of tampa…it’s lovely here…home-ie. And temps have dropped today to the 70’s. :thumbsup:*


#17

*Hi Vivienne :wave:

It is funny you say this, about picking up where we left off. I think that is part of what goes through our heads (not my husband’s of course, he is the pragmatic soul in the house) …when we visited there in July, a lot had changed. It’s weird, my husband and I had a FAVORITE restaurant, Italian…that we’d go to every other weekend…it was at the top of our list. When we were planning our trip…I thought it would be fun to go there. Well, guess what…they’re out of business. Another fave place on top of that one, out of business. Our parish had changed, I heard the pastor left and was reassigned to another parish, and I heard he had really become very bitter and rude. We visited neighbors, and the neighborhood, in just two years, looked really run down…not sure if that is a foreclosure issue, or what…but one of our neighbors had died a few months ago. We knew that, as I have kept in steady contact with one of the neighbors who is around my age. My kids said how different the kids were…(they hung out with them in one of our neighbors’ basements when we went over for a party) My son’s best friend since kindergarten…we invited him to come everywhere with us…it was like old times. My husband always would say…‘isn’t it time for you to go home?’ Like kidding, when we lived in the same neighborhood, and he said that again…and the kid still laughed…But, my mother in law is a big part of what I miss…yet she is nearly 90…my husband said if we are moving back for my mother, fine…but what happens if she dies over the next few years? We are now in a place, where she filled our lives so much.

Sigh…perhaps, we should live in both places. :smiley: If only…maybe if we win the lottery. :cool: lol I appreciate your sentiments here, they are things we are considering. My son wants to go to college in Florida, he said…and down here is something known as the Bright Futures scholarships…open to everyone who gets a certain GPA and score on SAT. He is on pace. Should we move back to PA, I imagine he would need to have a 4.0, which he is close, but not quite…to get into those schools, to receive a scholarship. Blah, so much to think about. :o Thank you for your thoughts! *


#18

What prompted your decision to move back, may I ask? What did you ‘‘not like’’ about Florida? I recently talked with a few people who had moved years ago to Florida, from up north states, and they all seemed to agree with me…there seems to be a lack of community and identity in Florida, because so many come from all over. It’s like everyone’s just going their own way. Neighborhoods are so transient. That is really my ‘‘issue’’ with Florida, honestly. That and traffic. :rolleyes: The way people drive down here, oh my gosh. :dts:


#19

I made a decision purely based on emotion recently. We were about a month from our wedding day when my husband-to-be lost his job. That put me in quite an emotional wreck. Then he starts saying, “Well, without that job, there’s no reason to start out in PA (where neither of us has family), we could move near one of our families.” I just broke down completely over that idea … I guess I wanted some stability in our plans, and I had made all these plans for how we were going to make it in PA, we had looked at apartments, I had applied to jobs … and I was just mortally terrified of moving.

Well, my husband caved, we stayed here and now we each have jobs. As a teacher, I can’t move until the end of the year. At that point, he’ll finally be making some progress on his job – one he couldn’t keep if we moved back to the west coast, where I am from. So we really committed to staying here, and we’re pretty stuck if we want to change our minds.

Problem is, I want to change my mind. Without the paralyzing fear I had right before the wedding, it seems way more practical for us to be living near family. I’m expecting in April, and it sure would be nice to have some family support. I can’t stand the cold here, or the heat for that matter, and the long winters make me depressed. We’ve had a big falling-out with our only real friends in the area. So there is absolutely no good reason to live here, and lots to live elsewhere, but – we’re stuck.

My advice? Yes, emotions – especially the long-lasting kind, not the momentary panic kind – are okay to take into account. They tell us what we really want … something no amount of logical thinking can work out for us. I had a friend who was paralyzed about going out with a girl he liked because “wouldn’t that be just listening to my emotions?” But when it comes to what person to marry, what place to live, who to make friends with, we don’t have a whole lot to go on besides our gut.

So, when you weigh pros and cons, emotions go on the list. They can’t overrule other factors, but they are there all the same. My strong desire to be near family, I consider a valid emotion. Terror at abandoning plans isn’t quite so valid. So check them over. From your situation, I don’t see any reason not to move if the whole family wants to. However, if your husband doesn’t want to go back, hating the cold weather and all that, I have to say I sympathize!

Your emotions might be a little clouded because they have the tendency to imagine things were better back sometime in the past, and associate things that really aren’t related (PA and a happy time in your life). But they can help you see the desires of your heart.

I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is, anymore than the priest could, but I wish you luck. Remember to take the feelings of everyone else into account just as much as your own. Chances are, either choice would make you happy in the long run – so don’t be afraid.


#20

*Thank you for this, I need specific advice. Perhaps, I’m challenged in the area of decision making, I don’t know. :blush: I tend to make good decisions, that said…but it takes way too long for me to make one. This helps considerably!

*Actually, we are renting here in Florida. We decided not to buy right away, until we got a sense of the area. Would I buy here? Yes, I think so, if we decide to stay here…but, looking at the job market, is a great idea. My husband said he plans to send resumes soon, just to see how marketable he would be there. I will look at the real estate side of things. The other issue with PA, is that to buy a ‘‘new’’ construction home, they are truly few and far between. Reason being, Pittsburgh has such old homes…some might have newer kitchens and such, but the newer construction here in Florida, is appealing to us. I don’t want a house that everything needs to be fixed, repaired, upgraded…We have our pick here in Florida, and the prices have dropped immensely.

It would be nice if God would say LOUDLY…ok, go here or stay here. Oh yeah, He gives us free will. lol Forgot about that. **


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.