I’ve only been to a few High Masses in my lifetime, and the few I’ve been to have only been in the past year. Today, Palm Sunday, marks the anniversary of my first attendance at a High Mass. Today, I decided to go to the same church for Palm Sunday High Mass.
The past few weeks, even months, have been particularly rough for me, pysically, mentally and spiritually. I hadn’t been to a Sunday Mass, either Novus Ordo or Traditional Mass for weeks. Although most of the past two years I’ve been going to a Divine Liturgy, I had fallen away from going to them on a regular basis, due to confusion (Orthodox? Catholic?) and health problems.
In any case, I went to the Indult Latin Mass today, and for much of the Mass I was empty, depressed, and in pain. Throughout the Mass I prayed to St. Joseph and Jesus, and I asked Jesus to have mercy on me, a sinner. The Mass was beautiful, but the singing and solemnities were not really penetrating into me, I was so distant and without feeling. Even after going to confession right before Mass, I still didn’t feel any better.
Then, right before going up to receive the Eucharist, it suddenly seemed that everything was getting a little brighter. At first I thought that it was light shining more brightly through the stained-glass windows, but then I genuinely thought it was an enlightening from within my sense perception. It felt like my interior vision of things was being filled with light. My limbs which until then and for many days were filled with an indescribable heaviness and sickness, suddenly lightened up and felt clean. I still didn’t feel great, but I felt recognizably better.
It’s funny: most of my life I’ve gone to Novus Ordo Masses, and I’ve never experienced what I’ve experience at the High Masses I’ve attended, and even at Divine Liturgies. When I attend High Masses I feel as though I’m experiencing Latin Catholicism at its fullest, and not watered down. But that’s IMHO.
I also notice that after attending High Masses and sometimes Divine Liturgies my day oftentimes is heightened in joy.
Does anybody else experience this?