Everything turned bad


#1

Hey everyone.

I come here to get some positive stories from anyone of you who have experienced a time in your life when nothing worked out as you hoped and you seemed to just be walking alone without a map in a wilderness.
This is where Im at:

  • Getting older: I'm in my** late 20s*. Have taken some really interesting educations, however unable to get any jobs by these **useless educations*. '

  • Lost boyfriend. Im sure my vocation is for marriage. I worked on the last relationship for over 2 years. Maybe I was a fool, but I kept hoping it would work. Now Im single- and older- and feel discouraged about that whole messy thing called love.

  • **Unemployed **and have been looking for job for many months. Now Im also looking for a 3rd education.. this time something practical that can really give me a job afterwards.

  • Broke, and living off the money of my family...I'm** living in a suitcase**. No real home of my own even though everyone around me seems to have house, spouse, kids, car and dog

  • The worst thing is that my selfconfidence stinks. I have some talents but I'm not practical. I have no skill that could give me a decent job, and Im constantly scared that I would take one more education but have no courage to get a job in any of the field I'm interested in. I have a past with anxiety. I don't know the cause of any of these things. I have many good friends who say they would never have thought I have such a lousy self esteem. I'd like to just hide somewhere and write a bestseller:D

Anyone ever experienced so much bad luck at once, where everything turned out fine in the end = normal human dreams fulfilled (love, home, work) ???

I'd love to hear your encouraging short stories.

GraceDK :o


#2

Grace,
While I cannot say that I have been where you are, I have indeed been through some very rough times.
At one point I was in the middle of a divorce and living with my parents (I was 37 at that time) while simultaneously looking for a place to live and trying to change Jobs/professions.

Later I married the woman who was and is the very best thing to ever happen to me. only to find out 10 years later that she was developing Alzheimer’s and we have been coping with this for going on 9 years now.
At one point, her behavior issues became so bad that she was hospitalized and I was sitting at home crying my eyes out to God…So - I think that in one form or another we have all been where you are…to varying degrees, in different ways and at different stages in our lives.

If I could offer you one piece of advice - one that I received from my very wise (8th grade educated) father it would be this…Get a job - ANY job…Then look for a better job. A job flipping burgers, cleaning offices, running a cash register or whatever is better than no job at all.
It’s better for your self esteem on a number of levels. It gets you up and out with someplace to go. It provides a useful and necessary function to society. It gets you out of yourself. It provides a paycheck (very uplifting even if small)…
Some of these jobs can be more wonderfully fulfilling because of the service aspect of them. Jobs that interact with the public give you an opportunity to practice many Christian aspects, Love, patience, forbearance and humility.

Then - as your self esteem beings to recover, Your juices flowing and your disposition more positive, you will be in a better place to make informed and wise choices.

I hope this helps.

Peace
James


#3

Thanks James. You are cool man. You always were one of my favourite posters on CAF. I’m sorry about the touch stuff you have gone through… Did you ever hear of Roger Sapp or Issam Nemeh. These are faith healers with very great success. Maybe God would heal your dear wife through their prayers… You live in the USA and so do they.

You are right. I’ve been looking for a job, anything really… But would you believe it, I’m afraid even of some lousy jobs. I need to get away from this couch… I have already experienced that fear and isolation can form into a vicious circle.

You found the love of your life at 37. Maybe there is still hope for me too although I’m a girl. But then again, who wants woman with two left hands and no self-esteem… :slight_smile:


#4

Thanks Grace

Seems like so many people are going through this lately. In some areas of my life I am there too. I just have to keep remembering that Jesus lives in me and He knows EXACTLY what I am going through because He is in it with me. Therefore, I have to remember to don't worry about what I can't do, but just do what I can do and be obedient and faithful and leave the rest to Him. I found that if I keep taking charge then the results are on me (usually not good), but if I let Him lead and I follow, then the results on Him, and I must be happy and rejoice in His results.


#5

I can only add, do not lose hope, and try to keep things in perspective. It seems like we are in a "perfect storm" just now, with the terrible economy, and people afraid of commitment, uncertain of the future.

My son and many of his friends, all in their late twenties now, are going through the same troubles you describe. Unemployment, many still living at home, unable to connect with anyone. It may not be much help, but you are not alone in this.

If I may, think well about the expense of more education, if you plan to take on a lot of debt. Try to be certain it will pay off in the sort of skills the job market is seeking. More debt and no job will compound your troubles. Just my two cents.

(sorry if my short story was none too encouraging. I was blessed to have come of age in more prosperous times)


#6

[quote="yosephdaviyd, post:4, topic:275195"]
Thanks Grace

Seems like so many people are going through this lately. In some areas of my life I am there too. I just have to keep remembering that Jesus lives in me and He knows EXACTLY what I am going through because He is in it with me. Therefore, I have to remember to don't worry about what I can't do, but just do what I can do and be obedient and faithful and leave the rest to Him. I found that if I keep taking charge then the results are on me (usually not good), but if I let Him lead and I follow, then the results on Him, and I must be happy and rejoice in His results.

[/quote]

Thank you Yosephdaviyd...
I'm used to Jesus opening doors for me, just one door at a time. But now I haven't felt his leading for quite a while.. for a long time in some things. Like my "lovelife" has been a complete joke since the first time I ever fell in love, and even before.

I'd really just love to be a good wife and mother as my primary career, but that side of things hasn't worked out at all.
I feel God is not really leading me... In questions of religion sure, but in my choice of career and men, it seems like I've been walking in confusion up until now.

Right now I am not really taking much charge of anything, but I don't see God stepping in and taking over. ..I don't know what you mean when you say let God take charge and let him lead.. what do you mean? I can't hear his voice and I have to make some choices...


#7

[quote="christofirst, post:5, topic:275195"]
I can only add, do not lose hope, and try to keep things in perspective. It seems like we are in a "perfect storm" just now, with the terrible economy, and people afraid of commitment, uncertain of the future.

My son and many of his friends, all in their late twenties now, are going through the same troubles you describe. Unemployment, many still living at home, unable to connect with anyone. It may not be much help, but you are not alone in this.

If I may, think well about the expense of more education, if you plan to take on a lot of debt. Try to be certain it will pay off in the sort of skills the job market is seeking. More debt and no job will compound your troubles. Just my two cents.

(sorry if my short story was none too encouraging. I was blessed to have come of age in more prosperous times)

[/quote]

Thanks.. it helps to know this. Also some of my friends had problems after they finished their education.. but none as long as this. Its been 7 months of limbo for me..


#8

[quote="GraceDK, post:3, topic:275195"]
Thanks James. You are cool man. You always were one of my favourite posters on CAF. I'm sorry about the touch stuff you have gone through.. Did you ever hear of Roger Sapp or Issam Nemeh. These are faith healers with very great success. Maybe God would heal your dear wife through their prayers... You live in the USA and so do they.

[/quote]

Thanks for your kind words. As to healing...Many people have been praying for us and I have come to know that healing is not God's will for us. While this is not what I would wish for (obviously), I cannot deny God's hand in the matter and the good works He has brought about through this journey. So - I am content because I am assured that the end of my wife's journey will be heaven and (God willing) so will mine.

You are right. I've been looking for a job, anything really... But would you believe it, I'm afraid even of some lousy jobs. I need to get away from this couch.. I have already experienced that fear and isolation can form into a vicious circle.

Fear (and it's companion - Sloth) are tough things to get over. I have been there. There is little advice that I can offer here. Perhaps some counseling with your priest, or perhaps your parish or diocese has outreach and job programs......

You found the love of your life at 37. Maybe there is still hope for me too although I'm a girl. But then again, who wants woman with two left hands and no self-esteem... :)

Don't sell yourself short. My dear wife and I found each other when we weren't really looking....In truth we had known each other (to varying degrees) for 15 years before we "fell in love"...
Just take one step at a time.

Have you considered using Catholic match or something like that?

Peace
James


#9

[quote="GraceDK, post:7, topic:275195"]
Thanks.. it helps to know this. Also some of my friends had problems after they finished their education.. but none as long as this. Its been 7 months of limbo for me..

[/quote]

Ok, I have some time, so here's a real story. It may not help with your vocation, but its all I got.

A good friend of my son's (they went to high school together) went off to college to study electrical engineering. After about a year, he lost his enthusiasm, and moved back with his parents to ponder his future.

I was able to get him work with a friend of mine who worked in construction, doing odd jobs. He found he enjoyed this type of work, and we were able to help him start an apprenticeship in one of the building trades.

Bolstered by decent wages, he moved in with his friends, a bachelor pad where the liquor flowed and all manner of wicked things were smoked. He bought a nice new car.

Then the recession hit, and he lost his job. His car was promptly repossessed. Bored and angry, he drowned his sorrows and smoked so much weed that he had a mental breakdown! After a brief hospitilization, he returned to his parent's house where he fell into a deep depression, lasting several months. He slept night and day.

Coming to his senses, (I got that from the Bible) he decided he needed to leave his home town and the friends who first led him down the road to perdition (I got that from a movie).
He moved in with relatives in another state, who were happy to take him in.

Through odd jobs and his parent's help, he was able to scrape together enough money for a used car. After several months of sending out resumes with little response and no offers, he finally got a job with the building maintenance engineers in a high-rise office building, based on his construction skills. It was only part time, and money was still tight. After a year, they finally offered to take him on full time, with a raise in pay and benefits.

Happily ever after? Not yet, but things are looking up for him.


#10

[quote="christofirst, post:9, topic:275195"]
Ok, I have some time, so here's a real story. It may not help with your vocation, but its all I got.

A good friend of my son's (they went to high school together) went off to college to study electrical engineering. After about a year, he lost his enthusiasm, and moved back with his parents to ponder his future.

I was able to get him work with a friend of mine who worked in construction, doing odd jobs. He found he enjoyed this type of work, and we were able to help him start an apprenticeship in one of the building trades.

Bolstered by decent wages, he moved in with his friends, a bachelor pad where the liquor flowed and all manner of wicked things were smoked. He bought a nice new car.

Then the recession hit, and he lost his job. His car was promptly repossessed. Bored and angry, he drowned his sorrows and smoked so much weed that he had a mental breakdown! After a brief hospitilization, he returned to his parent's house where he fell into a deep depression, lasting several months. He slept night and day.

Coming to his senses, (I got that from the Bible) he decided he needed to leave his home town and the friends who first led him down the road to perdition (I got that from a movie).
He moved in with relatives in another state, who were happy to take him in.

Through odd jobs and his parent's help, he was able to scrape together enough money for a used car. After several months of sending out resumes with little response and no offers, he finally got a job with the building maintenance engineers in a high-rise office building, based on his construction skills. It was only part time, and money was still tight. After a year, they finally offered to take him on full time, with a raise in pay and benefits.

Happily ever after? Not yet, but things are looking up for him.

[/quote]

A good story! The boy has skills... thats a good story .. encouraging :thumbsup:


#11

It’s tough looking for work. Maybe try volunteering somewhere? It can help keep you busy and sometimes can lead to paid employment.


#12

[quote="Faustina123, post:11, topic:275195"]
It's tough looking for work. Maybe try volunteering somewhere? It can help keep you busy and sometimes can lead to paid employment.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#13

In 1997 I was single, 37-year-old college instructor living in Thailand. I had a well-paying, prestigious job; I was engaged to a man I absolutely adored; I regularly traveled all over Europe and Asia; I had a coterie of fantastic friends; and I was very much looking forward to getting married and starting a family. I was settled in Thailand and planned to live the rest of my life there.

Then the bottom fell out of my life.

In July of that year the Thai government devalued the currency. Overnight, quite literally overnight, I went from making around USD 2K a month (not all that much in Europe or North American but a small fortune in Thailand) to less than half that. Throughout July and August the currency continued to fall, and I watched my savings and investments disappear. The government prohibited private citizens and foreign nationals from transferring money out of the country. It became illegal to exchange baht into USD. Gold prices dropped, so it was impossible to protect one’s money that way. The government then changed the laws regarding non-nationals owning condominiums, so I transferred ownership of my Bangkok condo to my Thai fiancé because I feared the government would seize it. My friends - most of whom had lived in Bangkok longer than I had - scattered to England, Australia, and elsewhere to escape the disaster. By January of 1998 all I had for almost ten years of well-paid work was roughly USD 500 in gold and USD 2,500 in cash.

In the middle of this financial devastation, I found out that my fiancé was seeing another woman. I asked. He denied. I continued to hear rumors. He got evasive. A colleague from my university, a woman I was friends with, felt bad for me and hired a private investigator to check into him. It turns out that the woman he was seeing behind my back was his wife. He’d married her a few months after we had met. I remembered the weekend they were married. It was a holiday weekend and we’d planned to visit an island in the southern part of the country. At the last minute he told me that he needed to visit his parents.

The evening I confronted him with his marriage license was the last time I ever saw him.

Within six months I’d lost 90% of my savings and investments, most of my friends, my home, and the man I thought I was going to be with until I died. And then my department chair told me the university lost the funding for my position in the financial crises, and I was going to be out of a job in August of 1998. When I found that out I didn’t even have enough money in USD to buy a plane ticket back to the US.

I found out that sometimes one can accomplish pretty amazing things in the midst of sheer panic. By the time my position was de-funded I’d found new job in Hong Kong, I’d scraped together enough money to get there, a friend had visited from the US and she’d brought some dollars for me so I could land in HK on my feet.

The battle scars we get from a well-lived life can be disfiguring. But they’re also reminders of what we’ve learned, what we’ve been through, and what we’ve survived.

Luna


#14

[quote="Luna_Lovecraft, post:13, topic:275195"]
In 1997 I was single, 37-year-old college instructor living in Thailand. I had a well-paying, prestigious job; I was engaged to a man I absolutely adored; I regularly traveled all over Europe and Asia; I had a coterie of fantastic friends; and I was very much looking forward to getting married and starting a family. I was settled in Thailand and planned to live the rest of my life there.

Then the bottom fell out of my life.

[FONT=Century Gothic]In July of that year the Thai government devalued the currency. Overnight, quite literally overnight, I went from making around USD 2K a month (not all that much in Europe or North American but a small fortune in Thailand) to less than half that. Throughout July and August the currency continued to fall, and I watched my savings and investments disappear.

Thanks Luna. What a fantastic story. It seems that you do not lack any kind of self esteem. Now you have a husband:) Do you also have a child? Do you still live in Hong Kong? I used to live there for a little while.. a crazu place! But the nature was lovely! and the food... ohhhh boy ..

[/quote]


#15

[quote="GraceDK, post:14, topic:275195"]
Thanks Luna. What a fantastic story. It seems that you do not lack any kind of self esteem. Now you have a husband:) Do you also have a child? Do you still live in Hong Kong? I used to live there for a little while.. a crazu place! But the nature was lovely! and the food... ohhhh boy ..

[/quote]

Yes, I am married, but that didn't come without its own saga. When we announced our enagement his clinically mentally ill ex-wife went off the rails and accused both of us of abusing his daughters. If she'd kept it between us adults I could have coped, but when she engaged in parental alienation (coaching the girls to lie to social workers, denying visitation for months, telling the girls that I was going to take their father away from them, coaching them to lie to us) my anger and anxiety sent me into a years long depressive episode.

In the middle of coping with his ex-wife's madness and the ensuing legal dramas, my husband lost his job of ten years and remained unemployed for the next 3.5 years. As the economy tanked my job here in California seemed less and less secure, and the anxiety of that period I'm still not 100% over.

Do you know the saying What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? It's hyperbole, but there is some truth in it. You will get through this period. Things will change for you. You will face new challenges as you move into the next period of your time on this earth. Seize new opportunities as they come to you. Don't let what you're going through now make you bitter. Keep in mind that this probably isn't the last time in your life you'll hit a rough patch, but what you learn from this one will make you stronger and better able to cope with future life snafus.

Luna


#16

Hi all.

I don't know if any of you mentioned me in prayer yesterday, but if you did, you have an effective prayer. So thank you :)
Today things look much better. I have a plan now...
And with the plan came a smile on my face and with the smile on my face came also the hope that someone might smile with me some day..


#17

It is hard to be young and to have real problems, self confidence issues, and anxieties. I am not member of that club but I was there at one point in my life except for the unemployment. Now I am old, I have self confidence issues and anxieties.

My suggestion is to address things one at the time or you will spread too thin and will keep underestimating yourself. Learn to love yourself and to love what you do. Trying to do what you love sometime can be just an illusion, keep what you love as a hobby and learn to love a job that could support you.

Relationships are a different story. The time I met my wife was when I stopped looking and I just decided to be myself without trying to impress or fix anybody. Yes, you would like to have a nice boyfriend and be on the way to marriage. That is not happening now but it does not imply that it will not happen sometime in the future. The big deal is that you already have a family that supports you and that is not very common in today's culture.

Dealing with so many sources of stress at one time is extremely hard. Put some in the back burner, start to say "right now I am not going to care about that" and then focus on just one big item either job or new education but not both. Once you build strength in one aspect of your life you will become aware that you can do much more than you give yourself credit for.


#18

[quote="Cristiano, post:17, topic:275195"]
It is hard to be young and to have real problems, self confidence issues, and anxieties. I am not member of that club but I was there at one point in my life except for the unemployment. Now I am old, I have self confidence issues and anxieties.

Hey Im sorry to hear it! I hope they will go away.

My suggestion is to address things one at the time or you will spread too thin and will keep underestimating yourself. Learn to love yourself and to love what you do. Trying to do what you love sometime can be just an illusion, keep what you love as a hobby and learn to love a job that could support you.

Good advice.. I am planning to follow this advice:)

Relationships are a different story. The time I met my wife was when I stopped looking and I just decided to be myself without trying to impress or fix anybody. Yes, you would like to have a nice boyfriend and be on the way to marriage. That is not happening now but it does not imply that it will not happen sometime in the future. The big deal is that you already have a family that supports you and that is not very common in today's culture.

Yes, :thumbsup:

Dealing with so many sources of stress at one time is extremely hard. Put some in the back burner, start to say "right now I am not going to care about that" and then focus on just one big item either job or new education but not both. Once you build strength in one aspect of your life you will become aware that you can do much more than you give yourself credit for.

Thanks so much for your kindness.

[/quote]


#19

[quote="Luna_Lovecraft, post:15, topic:275195"]
Yes, I am married, but that didn't come without its own saga. When we announced our enagement his clinically mentally ill ex-wife went off the rails and accused both of us of abusing his daughters. If she'd kept it between us adults I could have coped, but when she engaged in parental alienation (coaching the girls to lie to social workers, denying visitation for months, telling the girls that I was going to take their father away from them, coaching them to lie to us) my anger and anxiety sent me into a years long depressive episode.

In the middle of coping with his ex-wife's madness and the ensuing legal dramas, my husband lost his job of ten years and remained unemployed for the next 3.5 years. As the economy tanked my job here in California seemed less and less secure, and the anxiety of that period I'm still not 100% over.

Do you know the saying What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? It's hyperbole, but there is some truth in it. You will get through this period. Things will change for you. You will face new challenges as you move into the next period of your time on this earth. Seize new opportunities as they come to you. Don't let what you're going through now make you bitter. Keep in mind that this probably isn't the last time in your life you'll hit a rough patch, but what you learn from this one will make you stronger and better able to cope with future life snafus.

Luna

[/quote]

...wow. This and your other post. You're an inspiration, ma'am. Thanks for sharing this...such power to help and to heal, this tale of your life. Thanks much.

To the OP: Keep on' truckin'. I'm almost 30, and wondering where next to go in life. Single, would rather be married. But we go day to day. We look at all the things that are good in our lives, and we look at how much God loves us. We'll be ok, you and I.


#20

[quote="Lochias, post:19, topic:275195"]
...wow. This and your other post. You're an inspiration, ma'am. Thanks for sharing this...such power to help and to heal, this tale of your life. Thanks much.

To the OP: Keep on' truckin'. I'm almost 30, and wondering where next to go in life. Single, would rather be married. But we go day to day. We look at all the things that are good in our lives, and we look at how much God loves us. We'll be ok, you and I.

[/quote]

Actually I feel much better already :)
Yea, we'll be alright..
and especially if you are a man you have good chances of finding a wife :D


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