Examples of respect 50+ years ago


#1

My aunt, married over 50 years, spoke of being a young single lady who was asked out on a date. The young man showed up for the date wearing jeans and she refused to go out with him, ever. Apparently, jeans were the thing you wore in the barn for barn chores and no respectable man would show up on a date with 'barn clothes' on. It was disrespecting his date, according to aunty.

It made me wonder how people respected each other 50 years ago that you don't see anymore. Please let us know what life was like back in the day. :D


#2

My mom told me before they married, my dad showed up for a date with a leather jacket and after seeing the look on my mom's face went home to change his jacket and came back.

She also told me when she was 20 she was a high school teacher and her 18 year old students asked if they could stop at a dance on their way back from a field trip. When they walked in, it looked like my mom was one of the gang. The next Monday at school, she found out one of her students took a guy out back and punched him out because he asked my mom to dance and her student didn't not like the disrespect. Every I tell that too rolls their eyes. I personally think it was sweet and would love to live in such a society

CM


#3

This wasn’t 50 years ago, but when my wife & I were dating I always opened doors & car doors for her. Several people we knew couldn’t figure out what problem she had that prevented her from being able to open doors.


#4

I have an aunt whose story dates back about 20 years further than yours does, so I hope this is pertinent! I have always been fascinated with the stories of her courtship with the young man who became her husband, mostly because I think it precipitated a very strong, beautiful, fruitful Catholic marriage (60+ years!), and wasn't marred by all the distracting, demeaning, sensationalized expectations that plague modern secular "dating."

Anyway, Auntie was still a teenager when her boyfriend escorted her to a social gathering about 70 years ago (he was of drinking age, she was not), and she began to imbibe at the behest of the hostess (and the chagrin of her escort, who very subtly signaled her to stop). She had a few very cosmopolitan drinks and, delighted at her first exposure to alcohol, began to exhibit the effects of such quite quickly, at which point her boyfriend very graciously excused the both of them, helped her to his car, and subjected her to a very stern lecture about the dangers such a beautiful girl could expose herself to by relinquishing her self-control as she had done. Telling the story nowadays, she contends he was very gentle and reminded her that, regardless of whether she was 'his girl' or not, he hoped she was always conscious of her value and mindful of her behavior, so as not to have some villainous young man take advantage of her in such a state.

I once asked Auntie if she resented getting lectured by a young man about her behavior? A modern-day hotheaded girl like me would probably bristle at the condescending element of that type of treatment from a boyfriend...but she said no, in the weeks that followed that incident, his admonition spoke to her of this man's genuine and unselfish interest in her wellbeing; in the years that followed, she came to appreciate how his patient and mature temperament tempered her rather 'wild' side ;) I just love that story, and relish that there was indeed a time when chastity was a given and couples strived to keep each other in check!


#5

DulcisAncilla, Bravo to that wonderful young man!
Yes, I could imagine if a young man did that today, he would be mocked and ridiculed, first by the drinking young lady, then all her friends. Thank you for that story, it's just what I had in mind to hear! :thumbsup:
Thank you all! Please keep the replies coming.


#6

And the girls being taken on dates probably knew how to cook back then, to complement the gentlemanly attitudes of the guys who took them.


#7

[quote="PennyinCanada, post:5, topic:242026"]
DulcisAncilla, Bravo to that wonderful young man!
Yes, I could imagine if a young man did that today, he would be mocked and ridiculed, first by the drinking young lady, then all her friends. Thank you for that story, it's just what I had in mind to hear! :thumbsup:
Thank you all! Please keep the replies coming.

[/quote]

I disagree! I wish more guys were like that! Too many men take advantage of intoxicated women. I was once so intoxicated I could barely form sentences and someone took advantage of that which to this day completely baffles me. Chivalry needs to be resurrected!


#8

In more modern times, my best male friend who considers me like a sister treats me with respect and dignity, and does not force me to do things against my will. He knows when I am at my limits when I have a drink or 2. He has done things like the opening of doors, and offering his jacket to me among other things. Even when we have gone to clubs or pubs, he has told off guys that have tried to touch me against my will.

A guy is someone in my eyes who does not show women much respect and dignity, and treats them like things.

A man is someone in my eyes who does show women the respect and dignity that they deserve, and treats them like a lady.


#9

[quote="MissRose73, post:8, topic:242026"]

A guy is someone in my eyes who does not show women much respect and dignity, and treats them like things.

A man is someone in my eyes who does show women the respect and dignity that they deserve, and treats them like a lady.

[/quote]

Just curious, because I like those definitions, would you define the difference between "girl" and "lady" the same way?


#10

My personal definition of a girl is someone who acts immaturely & like a child or child like ways/wants; a woman/lady acts and thinks with maturity as much as she can, and thinks of God and others before herself.

I am not referring to young girls in terms of those girls who are school age as they are still learning and maturing in different ways. I refer more to those who are teen years (ages 16/17 and above) that act like a child when they should be accepting situations etc as a lady/woman.

[quote="ChiRho, post:9, topic:242026"]
Just curious, because I like those definitions, would you define the difference between "girl" and "lady" the same way?

[/quote]


#11

[quote="MissRose73, post:10, topic:242026"]
My personal definition of a girl is someone who acts immaturely & like a child or child like ways/wants; a woman/lady acts and thinks with maturity as much as she can, and thinks of God and others before herself.

I am not referring to young girls in terms of those girls who are school age as they are still learning and maturing in different ways. I refer more to those who are teen years (ages 16/17 and above) that act like a child when they should be accepting situations etc as a lady/woman.

[/quote]

Yes, maturity definitely matters! Since the guy/man definition involves how the male treats females, does the girl/lady definition involve how a female treats males? I'm asking because I often see that men have a responsibility to act a certain way towards women through attitude and service (which I completely agree with), but less often do I see that a woman has a responsibility to act a certain way towards men, this seems like an incongruity to me. Thanks for your response :thumbsup:


#12

[quote="PennyinCanada, post:5, topic:242026"]
DulcisAncilla, Bravo to that wonderful young man!
Yes, I could imagine if a young man did that today, he would be mocked and ridiculed, first by the drinking young lady, then all her friends. Thank you for that story, it's just what I had in mind to hear! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

So glad you enjoyed it! I was always impressed by such a display of concern, and that his selflessness extended beyond the bounds of their relationship (I don't believe they were seriously dating at the time, so he definitely risked being rejected as a serious suitor when he expressed his concern to her). I've been thinking of this story recently because I have a teenage cousin (15) who just challenged his new girlfriend after discovering her sexually aggressive, partying ways :eek: She berated and humiliated and insulted him and reminded him that she had been partying since age 12, and no one was going to stop her, not EVEN her boyfriend. :eek: Of course I'm relieved that she's not a negative influence in his life, but it is frustrating that his well-intentioned concern and encouragement was rejected so painfully. :( Quite a contrast to my original story, huh?

Another thing I treasure about the pre-marriage relationship of my aunt and her husband: she says that once they discerned they were called to be married (and she was still pretty young at the time), they discussed the reality of their having children in a very matter-of-fact way. For me, growing up in a culture saturated with the contraceptive mentality that children come when we plan for them to come :rolleyes:, I am really touched by the beauty of two people entering into marriage with a complete and open acceptance, even anticipation, of a baby as a natural result of their married love; there was no question of compartmentalizing their fertility and their intimacy, as in the case of a cohabiting or even some married couple these days. I really do pray that I am blessed with such a marriage someday.


#13

[quote="Gordon_Sims, post:3, topic:242026"]
This wasn't 50 years ago, but when my wife & I were dating I always opened doors & car doors for her. Several people we knew couldn't figure out what problem she had that prevented her from being able to open doors.

[/quote]

Well now that you are married I hope you still open doors for her ;)


#14

[quote="cmscms, post:13, topic:242026"]
Well now that you are married I hope you still open doors for her ;)

[/quote]

Regular doors all the time, but not so often with car doors. With four kids, though, it's sometimes all we can do to get them loaded and on the road. I do make a point of opening the car door on date nights (even with the baby), and try to do it from time to time when we're out as a family.

I think the fact that I treated her with so much respect is one of the biggest things that won my wife over. She'd gotten used to pretty bad treatment as the standard, and I was pretty much the exact opposite of everyone else she'd dated. The fact that I opened doors, paid for her meals and didn't try anything more forward than holding her hand or hugging her at the end of the night made her extremely suspicious of me and led to her trying to push me away for the first few months we dated. Thankfully, she finally caught on that it wasn't just some wicked scheme.


#15

You are welcome.

I would say yes the girl/lady definition would apply also on how a female treats a male no matter the ages. Women aren't always asked to do the same things like a man opening a door for a woman, but women can certainly reciprocate sometimes.

[quote="ChiRho, post:11, topic:242026"]
Yes, maturity definitely matters! Since the guy/man definition involves how the male treats females, does the girl/lady definition involve how a female treats males? I'm asking because I often see that men have a responsibility to act a certain way towards women through attitude and service (which I completely agree with), but less often do I see that a woman has a responsibility to act a certain way towards men, this seems like an incongruity to me. Thanks for your response :thumbsup:

[/quote]


#16

[quote="MissRose73, post:15, topic:242026"]
You are welcome.

I would say yes the girl/lady definition would apply also on how a female treats a male no matter the ages. Women aren't always asked to do the same things like a man opening a door for a woman, but women can certainly reciprocate sometimes.

[/quote]

That's something nice to hear. There is truly the other side of the coin and there are ways for women to show class act. I've seen some. Examples include being able to express satisfaction at hearing from someone ("it is nice to hear from you"; "I too have made some arrangements so we could talk freely"), listen actively ("I see your point"; "I can understand why you..."), keep up a two-way conversation ("what do you think about..."), ignore small difficulties or in some other way put the other person in the equation. Just examples, there's plenty in all.


#17

Luckily for me, I was dating before cell phones were invented.

I can not imagine these days, taking someone out for a nice dinner, and the first thing they do is take out their phone and place it on the table. Translation = someone better might call or text and I don't want to miss them just because I'm here with you.:eek:


#18

[quote="StJudePray4Me, post:17, topic:242026"]
Luckily for me, I was dating before cell phones were invented.

I can not imagine these days, taking someone out for a nice dinner, and the first thing they do is take out their phone and place it on the table. Translation = someone better might call or text and I don't want to miss them just because I'm here with you.:eek:

[/quote]

Not really. In fact, the likelihood any call would be specifically from a prospective date would be very low and the probability our date would talk to that other person in our presence even lower. In reality those calls will be family, friends, maybe business.

I remember having at times had some problems with the way young women weren't able to stop their telephonic networking even in the presence of a handsome fellow. :rolleyes: Right now I generally don't mind incoming business calls or even any calls that get done with quickly but I do mind prolonging social conversations and generally any outgoing calls that aren't necessary (even then it's polite to, gasp, ask permission).


#19

[quote="PennyinCanada, post:1, topic:242026"]
My aunt, married over 50 years, spoke of being a young single lady who was asked out on a date. The young man showed up for the date wearing jeans and she refused to go out with him, ever. Apparently, jeans were the thing you wore in the barn for barn chores and no respectable man would show up on a date with 'barn clothes' on. It was disrespecting his date, according to aunty.

It made me wonder how people respected each other 50 years ago that you don't see anymore. Please let us know what life was like back in the day. :D

[/quote]

I agree that a lot of manners seem to have gone by the wayside these days.

But on the other hand...

50 years ago, a black woman and a white man, or a white woman and a black man, would not dare to date in public. If they did, they faced real danger, and at the very least, public scorn and rejection by society.

In fact, 50 years ago, it was unusual to see blacks and whites together for any reason. My mother grew up in rural Missouri, and she had a lot of black friends. But there were certain activities they simply couldn't do together; e.g., go into a restaurant together or even sit together on a city parkbench.

And little black children didn't often get to play with little white children.

Also, 50 years ago, it was common to hear someone refer to a black man as "boy," or a black woman as "gal."

And 50 years ago, black people had separate facilities (bathrooms, drinking fountains, etc.) in some states.

And 50 years ago, black people couldn't just move into any neighborhood.

So IMO, when it comes to respecting races, nationalities, skin colors, etc.--we're a lot better off than we were 50 years ago!! Our neighborhood is a salad of people, all mixed together, and it's really fun!

And while we're at it, 50 years ago, in many states, a woman was not allowed to apply for a credit card. And a woman couldn't keep a job once she got pregnant. And it was legal to beat a woman if she was your wife. And women in management positions were rare. And women made a lot less money than a man, even if they were doing the same job.

So again, IMO, we've improved things a lot when it comes to respecting women in the business world.

Yes, there were a lot of good things about the good ol' days, but it wasn't all good.


#20

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