I think many people are latching onto country these days because it’s the only contemporary genre out there for the middle class. What choices are there today for contemporary music? Metal and its forms (which don’t make it onto the radio), country, and rap and hip hop (which have dominated the popular music stations for nearly ten years). Everything else is oldies.
You can classify Country music into 8 categories: bar music, redneck pride, Protestant family music, trashy women, girlfriend music, social issues, single mother music, slice of life music, and really patriotic music.
Bar music: Music that glorifies the bar scene (especially Southern bars) or alcoholism. Songs include “Alcohol,” “Stays in Mexico,” and “5 o’clock Somewhere.”
Redneck pride: Everything in the South is better than it is in the Godless North. According to themselves, Southerners have religion, beer, hot women, beer, and are more polite, and so they are better than Northerners, who are rude, atheist, beat their wives, and have road rage. Songs include “International Harvester,” “Small Town Southern Man,” “Redneck Yacht Club,” “Redneck Woman,” and “Ladies Love Country Boys.”
Protestant music: Songs that idealize the Protestant family and religion, since everyone knows that a single-church church with a firebrand preacher who shakes the plate and has a congregation of 30 people is the one true religion. Songs include “I’ve Been Watching You” and “And I Thought I was Tough.”
Trashy women: Music that idealizes the trashy barfly who wears Daisy Dukes, lots of makeup, and would love to go home and have lots of kinky sex with the first guy wearing a Stetson and spurs, preferably after a few shots, since somehow there’s nothing sexier than a half naked woman who shoots whiskey. Such songs glorify date rape and don’t even seem to consider it rape. Songs include “I Don’t Even Know His Last Name,” “She’s a Hottie,” “All Tanked Up,” and “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.”
Girlfriend music: Usually from the perspective of a woman whose boyfriend cheated on him. “Before He Cheats,” “I’ve Got a Brand New Girlfriend.”
Social issues music: Written by pompous rednecks who think they have all the answers to social ills or are the only ones who think they see a problem. “Shift Work,” “Pain in the Gas,” and “Love’s the Only House.”
Single mother music: Music that glorifies the single mother family. Who needs husbands anyway? Martina McBride cornered the market on this genre.
Slice of life: Music that tries to prevent you from forgetting the harsh realities of life. “Live Like You Were Dying.”
Patriotic music: Either you’re a liberal Commie or a terrorist if you don’t blindly follow the government. “Have You Forgotten” and “American Soldier.”