Extreme doubt and obsession

Good day Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I am discerning religious life this year. I attended few religious seminars in the first quarter of the year until the pandemic hits. The quarantine months were tough. I lost my job and found new one. I had emotional breakdowns. And doubted my vocation. Nevertheless, I continued going in online seminars. Just this month, I met religious people. Unfortunately, I developed intrusive thought. Priests having affairs (I have OCD which adversely affected everything last year but I can manage it now though). My concern is my obsession. I am cringing whenever I think of the priests I admire falling into sin of the flesh. I began stalking their social media and it saddens me whenever I see they are following or befriending ladies and women. I just could not shrug the thought off. I want to assure that they are holy because I want to be surrounded by holy men when I decide to enter. I know I am too judgemental but I just could not easily discard the thought. Do you think I need professional psychological help?

Thank you so much!

If you are concerned about these thoughts ask for help. No one lives life alone. I need help to deal with many difficulties. I speak with my family or my pastor about a lot of things that vex me. And psychological counselors have also been a valuable resource. They have a toolbag just like any other profession and can be helpful.

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Please do get some professional help for your OCD, @micciloi. I’m sorry you’re suffering so much right now.

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Thank you.

Thank you. I am just too perfectionist to the point that I question the holiness of the people I look up too.

It can’t do any harm to speak to your doctor about this. Many spiritual problems can be helped by medication and possibly counselling too. So whether it’s spiritual or physical getting treatment will help. You are dealing with an embodied soul here…not two separate things.

You will need to also keep up the spiritual work. Mental prayer is crucial as this is clearly a lack of humility too, something we all struggle with to one degree or another. St Teresa of Calcutta has a list of 15 points for humility…2 of them deal with keeping your nose out of other people’s affairs which pertains here. The fact is and I mean no offence but other peoples sanctity or holiness is none of your business. It’s God’s business. If you become a priest some day it will still not be your business except in a limited way for advice and guidance and of course giving sacraments. It will always be in Gods hands and you doing only the tasks He sets for you. This surrender is something we must all learn. So very difficult of course. Know that we all struggle with this.
A good prayer life is the key so start learning and practicing mental prayer and see your doctor. You are both body and soul in one so both must be treated. God bless

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Do get help to stop focusing on the sins of others. You can help them by working on your own prayer life daily.

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