I discovered my wife was having an affair with a married man.* I felt the other man’s wife had a right to know too.* Long complicated story short, I made sure she found out and confronted my wife the same day.
I wanted to talk to the other man’s wife to find out if we’d been getting the truth about the affair.* She was reluctant, but we did speak briefly on the phone about what our spouses had told us the previous night.* I let her know I had some emails of their correspondence if she wanted. She responded the next day that she didn’t want it at that point because the details would make it worse on her.* I understood that.* But I wanted to know everything and could handle it.* She thanked me for telling her and said we could continue to pray for one another and talk if needed.* About a week later, we stopped communicating over a misunderstanding.* No ill will on my part.* I realize* emotions are running high and we’re both in shock. During our last email conversation she stated he told her he had deleted his account with my wife a long time ago which is not true.* I have now seen emails and text from him that were sent to my wife just two days before I busted them; ironically, they broke up then.* However, I wished her well and said goodbye.
Since then I have read the email account (over 5000 msgs) my wife gave me to prove her side of the story.* It shows information contradictory to what her husband told her.* He told his wife this was his only affair and he never loved my wife.His emails reveal he has been cheating on her since the beginning of their relationship before they married. He said he knew she didn’t have what he needed sexually but everything else about her was good to live with and he could get sexual needs met elsewhere. Also, he said even if his wife did give him more, he would always need extra because it’s who he is and gets bored.* He has had at least four steady affair partners and admits to getting some strange when he or his wife go out of town.* He was also clearly in love with my wife.* Not only by his profession to her, but they did things and communicated daily sharing stuff from their personal lives you don’t do if you’re simply hooking up.*
My wife and I have cried many all night tears and prayers.* We made peace in decisions regarding our marriage but here’s my dilemma…
Do I tell the other man’s wife the new information I am almost certain he’s lied about?* I know it would make a huge difference in the way I approached the future of my marriage if I knew I had been cheated the entire time vs a one time thing.* Especially if I was trying to conceive my first child as they are.* I really don’t want to approach her again.* She seemed determined to let it go and believe her husband like I was the one who betrayed her.* I was also given the impression she’s afraid, fragile in her emotions, rather live in denial and naive.* It’s been nearly a month and a half now.* I don’t want to stir it up again if they have moved on and I don’t want to be seen as* harrassing.* I have always been a calm, mind your own business person.** But these things I feel she doesn’t know keep surfacing in my mind.* Very unusual for me.Perhaps it’s because I still see my wife suffering in the aftermath of the break up and my discovery; he did treat her pretty bad when she ended it. If I had it to do over again, I would have talked to my wife first, put everything we had together in an envelope and mailed it to his wife instead of worrying about being so considerate. But I didn’t know I would be given all the information. I know she doesn’t want and can’t handle “details” of their affair but this is new history information. I am leaning heavily towards not telling her, deleting the information and forgetting it. I believe God takes care of his people but I also believe he uses us to do that.* What do I do?