My name is Alicia, my husbands name is Tom. We have been together since 1999 and married since August 6th, 2005. We have been through a lot together. I have had 8 miscarriages in total. I was raised by my grandparents from about 3 weeks old. My grandpa walked me down the aisle and gave me away. In 2006, they both passed away just 4.5 months between each other. I lost my parents that year. My mom and I didnt have a relationship until I was 13 and my dad still doesnt want one to this day. My husband and I went on to have our two children, Adam Thomas Gerald named after my husband Tom and my grandpa, Gerald, he was born on his due date, November 16th, 2007. My daughter then came along, Grace Margerry named after my grandparents also, Margerry is Marge and Gerry combined, she was born 7 days late on October 7th, 2008.
Tom and I have had our fair share of issues in not only the marriage but also the relationship prior to the marriage. There are things I cannot move past, for example, he had cheated on me with a few of my friends in 2001 and then again a couple years later, before we were married. I am trying to keep it behind me, but I cant forgive and forget. After 6 years of trying to have a baby, Adam was born. We did want another however Grace came faster then we were hoping. Tom then decided he didnt want two children. When Grace was born, he neglected her completely, only talking to her when she was crying (she had Colic very bad) and in an upset tone. I was on the fence with a divorce. I couldnt handle how he strived to keep Adam happy yet pushed Grace away. I believe if you’re going to be a father, you need to be one, there is no picking and choosing. He has gotten better but still has a lot to work on in the parenting area. With him and I though, there is no communication, there is no feelings being shown and he doesnt seem to want to spend time with me or the family. Hes too busy doing things, working on the house, puttering with the car, etc. I dont feel he loves me and I havent for years. I get up with the kids, Grace still wakes throughout the night. Im up in the early morning with them and take care of them, alone, through out the day with little to no help from him. I clean the house, laundry, etc etc with no help from him. Infact, he often will leave a trail of stuff for me to pick up!
Its hard for me to stay here feeling like Im always getting the cold shoulder from him. I dont know what to do or where to go from here. I bought The Love Dare books, but he didnt want to do them with me. He doesnt believe in counsellors and Im personally afraid to seperate/divorce.
I dont know what to do.