One without the other?
So combining some ideas accumulated over the last year from here, apologies for not keeping track of sources, I arrive at this point. If I believe what I need to honestly pray this:
“God grant me to be… Silent before, that I may hear you; at rest in you—that you may work in me; open to you—that you may enter; empty before you—that you may fill me; Let me be still, and know you are my God.”
Then in theory the rest can come with time. <“Belief” is not essential. What is essential is “trust/faith”, which is not necessarily accompanied by intellectual agreement. Trust/Faith is a heart matter.>
I’m not deliberately resisting believing, and there are a lot of good reasons that I should and that I want to, but belief cannot be forced. I either need to hear it in a way that resonates, or I need to find a way that it is rational to me, or something. I cannot just decide that I will believe X. Granting that you can’t trust feelings exclusively to make decisions, it is a lot easier to believe something when it ‘feels’ true.So I just keep listening and seeking the light.
There isn’t really a question here, I guess that I am just trying to get more comfortable discussing faith, which because it is so personal to me, tends to be very difficult. If I am with my strongly believing friends, it is both hard for them to understand my position of questionning, and I have a hard time expressing myself fully while being careful to not create any seed of doubt in them. Discussing it with other questionning friends can help refine the questions, but doesn’t often resolve with answers. I suppose that I can be reassured that discussing it with atheist friends doesn’t shake the faith that I do have.