[quote="NothingGirl, post:1, topic:177414"]
I don't know what to say. I'm going through a very dark time in my life, and finding it hard to get through each day. I've always been very spiritual and have always turned to God for answers, but I feel so alone now, like he's really, truly abandoned me. My life has been a mess of anxiety and depression since early this summer. I'm finding it so hard to find any reason to keep going. The pain is always there, knocking me down. I pray and pray, but nothing ever changes. I never get any answers. I'm not looking for pity or anyone's else prayers or a pat on the back or anything. I just wish I knew why it seems like God is so far away, why I can't seem to reach him anymore, and why it feels like he's left me to my own devices. I've prayed. I've repented for everything I can ever remember doing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is it possible he really does leave us to suffer on our own?
Hi, it seems that what you're going through is like what the Saints called "dark night of the soul". I've been through a similar experience too. There's one thing I know for certain: God has not and would not leave you. He endured the Passion for you! He won't leave you now. What might be happening is you're sharing in the Cross. And this is not a punishment, but a way that God strengthens us and makes our faith less dependent on feelings. It's for our sanctification, in the end. Try to trust Him, and in His goodness. God sometimes removes the feeling of His presence from us,but He never removes His presence....there's a difference between these two things. I know it must be very difficult, but try to accept this as a cross and carry it for love of Him.... this is how the Saints were made. Mother Teresa went through her "dark night" for many years. St Therese, before she died (at 24 from tuberculosis) said that she can't suffer anymore because all suffering is sweet to her. It might seem incredible that someone would say this... but any suffering we go through is a way to bring us closer to Him.
Suffering in itself is bad. But God can use it for good, if we let Him. We waste a lot of suffering... try to offer this to Him and resign to His will. But this doesn't mean not feeling upset. We're not robots.. if it doesn't feel like a cross, then it's not a cross.
Remember He's with you, and dont give up praying. Don't feel afraid.
About the depression, it might help to speak with a priest or a good doctor... but sometimes it just helps to trust in God's love and that He is with us. The more we trust, the more graces we receive. Maybe this is an opportunity to learn faith and trust that goes beyond feelings.
God bless :hug1:
"The everlasting God has
in His wisdom foreseen
from eternity the cross
that He now presents to you
as a gift from His inmost heart.
This cross He now sends you
He has considered with His all-knowing eyes,
understood with His divine mind,
tested with His wise justice,
warmed with loving arms
and weighed with His own hands
to see that it be not one inch too large
and not one ounce too heavy for you.
He has blessed it with His holy Name,
anointed it with His consolation,
taken one last glance at you
and your courage,
and then sent it to you from heaven,
a special greeting from God to you,
an alms of the all-merciful love of God."
(St Francis de Sales)