Fallen-Through Relationship


#1

A few weeks ago, I got involved very quickly (and unwisely) with a girl I met on the Net who just happened to live about an hour and a half away. To be honest, I was just thrilled that someone would be so immediately enthralled with me (I think she felt the same way about me--both of us were needy for someone, anyone). To make a long story short, we met for the first time, spent a nice day together and I kissed her without thinking about what such a gesture truly means. (I've never acted so impulsively in the past because I rarely had such an opportunity.)

About a week later, I start drawing away and politely suggest that we just remain friends. She seemed fine about it at the time and told me she was just feeling things out as well, but now I think she's not taking it so well in the long run. I can see why she'd be irritated with me, but what can I do now at this point? :(


#2

If you wish simply to remain friends, you may be best to quietly continue your stand.
You made your position clear but her imagination has taken off, perhaps due to the kiss and the attention, and perhaps also because you seemed attractive.
If she persists and you don't wish to be more than friends, then you may need to block contact.

Although it was unwise to kiss when you don't really know her, she is responsible for her choices just as you for yours. If she is irritated with you, that isn't a good sign. Irritation isn't a loving or unselfish response in relationship. It's her reaction and you're not responsible for that. But there is some culpability in kissing if in an intimate sexual way, which you realize.

May God give you the grace to learn from this and pursue relationship more wisely in future. People see no harm in intimate kisses, partly due to prevalence in media and movies, however they really do belong in marriage, being in essence, fore-play. A friendly kiss on the cheek is a different matter. Perhaps you mean this, and if so, then you already realize that It's sensible to go carefully and not do anything that can be taken as commitment before you are actually ready or wise to commit.


#3

You live and learn.
You both made a mistake… so hopefully you wont make the same mistake next time.
Its just good that you had the courage to say things like they are now. I applaud that, because I got myself into a huge mess myself by not being able to say I wasn’t ready when my last boyfriend first kissed me.

So dont worry. She’ll get over it real soon.


#4

[quote="Trishie, post:2, topic:235947"]
Although it was unwise to kiss when you don't really know her, she is responsible for her choices just as you for yours. If she is irritated with you, that isn't a good sign. Irritation isn't a loving or unselfish response in relationship. It's her reaction and you're not responsible for that. But there is some culpability in kissing if in an intimate sexual way, which you realize.

[/quote]

Yep, I'd say there's definitely some culpability here for me, but this was a rather unprecedented situation as far as the speed. I'll remember how much pull I have in future relationships >.> ...


#5

Sooo… are you saying it turned out that you were not so interested in her afterall, and you feel bad because you kissed her? Or is it that you kissed her, so you feel you need to put on the brakes?

If you like her, keep seeing her, if not, break it off.


#6

I have broken it off, but I feel like I led her on that day. I like to tie up all my loose ends.


#7

[quote="fons_vitae, post:6, topic:235947"]
I have broken it off, but I feel like I led her on that day. I like to tie up all my loose ends.

[/quote]

You can't. It's simply part of dating. Very few relationships end mutually, and there is usually some hurt or ill-feeling for one of both parties. It's perfectly natural that she may feel hurt and rejected. It is not your place to provide healing though.

If you feel a friendship is possible, by all means pursue one. But be aware that this is not always in the best interest of the rejected (for want of a better word) person. Sometimes they heal best if a clean break is made. It's hard to judge this, so pray for guidance and hopefully you will be able to discern whether to remain friends or let it go.


#8

I hope you see I am speaking the truth in love here.

1-) If you don’t know her that well, how do you really know she is irritated with you in particular and not just a moody person or a girl how likes to take things out on men?

2-) Do you really feel guilty or you just want to be her friend becaus you like the feeling of having someone around who really likes you

Sure it feels akward now, but if you give it too much energy, this could easily snowball into a big deal. If you feel the need, go to confession and then forigve yourself

CM


#9

[quote="fons_vitae, post:6, topic:235947"]
I have broken it off, but I feel like I led her on that day. I like to tie up all my loose ends.

[/quote]

You broke it off, they are tied up.


#10

Oh, I guess you’re right. XD I’m so detail-oriented I can miss the obvious at times.


closed #11

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