I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years, and it definately had its sinful moments. Just now, I wanted to put a stop to this habitual sin. She did notice that I did go to Confession a lot and then stated that if I wanted to live a holy life then I should not be in a relationship. What are your thoughts? Are there women willing to be in a relationship where any type of sex is not an option?
Which of you has fallen out of love?
Perhaps you are not right for each other. You want a holy relationship that helps both of you grow closer to God. She feels that sex is a necessary part of every relationship and living a holy life is contrary to having any relationship. It appears to me that you two have fundamentally different values and under these circumstances a long-term relationship will be very difficult.
I assure you that there are many women who view sex as a sacred gift reserved for marriage. Many of them are discouraged in their efforts to meet good, holy men.
One last thought: When you confess a sin, you must have every intention of avoiding it in the future. I realize that’s easier said than done, but your sin is not forgiven if you intend to commit it again on your next date.
There definitely are! You just gotta look in the right places. Check out who’s at Mass early or who prays the Rosary beforehand or who’s in line for Confession. Stick to Catholics and you’ll eventually find a good one. They are rare these days, but they’re out there (and the good thing is, they’re all looking for a guy just like you)! Here’s how I landed one: I had previously had no luck with women whatsoever, but before Mass one day I prayed to God to help me find the right one. I described the girl of my dreams in detail, with all the qualities that I knew I wanted and needed. A week later, I met her, exactly how I had described her. True story, and one reason why nothing could ever make me doubt that He’s listening.
Likewise, in "Crossing the Threshold of Hope, " JPII talks about one of his childhood friends who prayed on his knees every night for God to give him a partner to share his life with, and you what, He did!
So don’t give up hope and most of all, keep praying!
You’d be surprised that there are many women out there waiting for marriage to have sex. It’s just that there are so many more not waiting. I found out recently 2 of my female floormates are waiting and a third regrets losing her virginity. There out there, you just gotta find them. Maybe one of them is looking for you.
Thanks for the responses! Funny thing is that she just doesn’t seem to understand her Catholic faith much. Her beliefs are crossed with the attitude that if you are truly sorry for your sins then you can lift that up to God. I think the debate arose when I mentioned that I wanted to go to Confession today because of what had transpired last night, and because I took Communion this morning in mortal sin. She said I should be able to wait until Sunday, because I went to Confession this past Sunday anyway. She thinks I’m taking this too seriously.
The most important thing about love someone older and wiser told me once was this: you either are IN love with a person or you just love that person. You’ll never stop loving this woman, but you migth not be IN love with her.
[quote=Oshiego Rod]Thanks for the responses! Funny thing is that she just doesn’t seem to understand her Catholic faith much. Her beliefs are crossed with the attitude that if you are truly sorry for your sins then you can lift that up to God. I think the debate arose when I mentioned that I wanted to go to Confession today because of what had transpired last night, and because I took Communion this morning in mortal sin. She said I should be able to wait until Sunday, because I went to Confession this past Sunday anyway. She thinks I’m taking this too seriously.
Call me a big prude too if you want, but if she isn’t taking this whole “Catholic thing” seriously, maybe she doesn’t have the other half of what it takes to make a good marriage. A commitment to YOU.
You both might have all kinds of love. You may even be in love with each other. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you have a commitment to each other.
Commitments aren’t just about fidelity. They are about understanding and supporting all of the good and worthy aspects of a spouse- and helping them achieve their goals AS A PRIORITY.
“We commit to staying faithful to each other.”
“We commit to being great parents.”
“We commit to being partners on a spiritual journey.”
Every married couple has their own commitments, but Faithful Catholic married couples have Spiritual support at the top of that list.
If you are a Faithful Catholic- why would you want it any other way?
Her ignorance is understandable. You could say I was her a few years ago. I considered myself catholic- but not Catholic. In other words, I figured if I loved God (feeling love) then everything was sure to be fine. God would forgive me my transgressions, and He’d make sure I got to heaven. What I lacked, interestingly enough was a COMMITMENT to God. The other half of truly joining yourself, body and mind, to something or someone.
Love AND Commitment
Sir, you deserve nothing less. God wishes nothing less for you.
My prayers are offered for your troubles in this.
Confession is not something that a person can take too seriously. Truthfully, we are all very lucky that we have that option open to us. As far everything else is concerned, trust me when I say that girls too have a lot of trouble finding a good Catholic mate. I am one of them. The great thing about the dating process is we can find out the other person’s view of things of this nature and decide if we can live with them or if they coincide with our own beliefs. If it is something you do not feel right about, then whatever action you choose, it is better to do it now, than later on in life when more is at stake. I’ll be praying for you.
[quote=Genesis315]There definitely are! You just gotta look in the right places. Check out who’s at Mass early or who prays the Rosary beforehand or who’s in line for Confession. Stick to Catholics and you’ll eventually find a good one. They are rare these days, but they’re out there (and the good thing is, they’re all looking for a guy just like you)!.
So don’t give up hope and most of all, keep praying!
Awesome advice Genesis315. You are right about checking out who is going to daily mass, staying to say a rosary, who is in the confession lines.
Go on some retreats and day outings. You’ll find them.
I am one of those women who want to live the chaste life and have slowly met several more of the same while at daily mass. Mind you, there are not a lot, but we exist.
I thought the very same thing, “will I ever find a nice man who does has the same religious convictions I have regarding chastity?”. Well, I met one at daily mass and we started chatting after several encounters with him. He said the only reson he asked me out was that I attended daily mass.
There is nothing like having someone who shares the core beliefes you have and practices them.
As for your current girlfriend, I think it is more difficult to stop the sexual activity or accompanying lustful thoughts once it has started than to start fresh with someone who is abstaining. Just my opinion, but if I had stayed with my ex boyfriend who I absolutely loved dearly, I think I would have struggled daily with the near occasion to sin. In that case, confession is pointless and a slap in God’s face.
God bless you and lead you to His will.
There are many more women than you think who are “waiting”. Include me in that group! It’s worked out well in relationship. You get to build the relationship instead of being focused on how fast you can get in the bed. My only suggestions is you need to accept that GOD might be pulling you away from her and this realtionship. You need to prayer wether you are meant to be together. The core of your relationship has to be the LORD first. If it is focused on sex then the devil has suceed in twisting the sexual realtionship between a man and a women from glorifing GOD to dishonor GOD’s committment. I suggest you PRAY PRAY PRAY and then pray some more. Don’t be afraid to have your feelings hurt or to hurt hers. GOD can fix all of our hurts. If it is not meant to be then it is not meant to be. Better to find that out now than later. You DESERVE to have a women who will honor and respect all aspects of who you are, someone who will help you on your spiritually journey not someone who will turn you away. I pray that you accept that GOD has a plan for you and that he will provide a women that is your match wether it is this women or not.
Thank you all for your advice and most especially your prayers. We actually met in a Church group and turned to prayer in the beginning, but over the years it seem to lessen to the point that we do not pray together anymore. I admit, lust is a weakness I struggled with and it is a weakness we both share. When we prayed more we sinned less, but for some reason the praying had stopped. Please pray for us that we turn back to prayer, and turn away from sin. Also, I pray she will read the book “Pure Love” and take the content to heart.