I fear I will probably get flamed for this, but I will try posting it anyway. I just want people to try to put themselves in my shoes a little. I would like your advice. thanks in advance.
I had a really close friend. we used to talk nearly every day, and our main topic of discussion was Catholicism. on top of that, every sunday he would come to my house, and sometimes our female friend would also join in. this friendship went on for many years. it's different than most friendships between guys. we were really close friends. in fact, he said he would consider me to be his best man at his wedding, along with his other friend.
he moved away to do his medical degree to become a doctor, where he also happened to know a girl. he would eventually marry this girl. before he left, and after he had gone, I brought up some issues with him, where I really felt hurt by his behavior toward me. To be honest, that's not the issue anymore, and it's not something I think about much. but basically it revolves around how he would treat me on some occasions. I know, some people are probably thinking ok, is he talking about a guy or his girlfriend. but please bear with me.
we went to the eucharistic congress together with a group. when it was just me and him, we were great friends, got along well. but as soon as anyone else came along, he acted like he wasn't my friend. I would say something and he would either ignore me or act annoyed that I said something. he would have 10-15 minute conversations with his friends without introducing me. but it wasn't just when we were away. he only seemed to be my friend when no one else was around.
also, his gf came to visit for about 10 days at one point. I knew he would want to spend most of his time with her, obviously! but prior to her arrival, he kept saying that we should all do stuff together. he made specific ideas, etc. he would even call me while she was there say on a friday and suggest we do a particular activity on saturday like go to lunch, etc. but each and every time, at the last minute, he would call and cancel. it seemed strange. I wouldn't mind if he just said he was spending all that time with her alone. but he kept building up anticipation, but then canceling.
there's probably a significant portion of people reading this who think I am acting like a needy girlfriend or something, but truly I am not trying to portray that. I just want to demonstrate how he was my best friend until someone, anyone else came by, at which point he acted like he didn't know me. as another example, we were on a pro-life walk, talking about things. he saw someone he knew, a man about 20-30 years his senior. he introduced himself, but the man was unfamiliar with him. after explaining, he started a conversation which lasted the entire walk. most people might talk for a few minutes, but he forgot about me completely.
anyway, there is more to this that what I've written. those things happen. I understand that. my issue I guess is how he responded when I brought this up to him. I indicated how I felt, and gave him some examples. rather than in any way trying to understand how I felt, he simply dismissed it. he said I was wrong and that none of what I said was true.
but even more than that, I was saddened at how easily he could just toss aside our friendship. we were probably best friends for several years. talked most days and shared our faith. but when I brought this up, he denied it all. I was upset about this, so I basically told him it's too bad he doesn't understand, and didn't talk much after that. but he hasn't reached out on his own at all since them. this happened probably a year and a half ago.
he doesn't at all seemed bothered that we are no longer friends. to be honest, it happened so long ago now, that I really don't think about it much. but about a week ago, I sent him an email, just basically said "hey" and that's it.
maybe I'm overreacting here. he is extremely obedient to the Church's rules. he was even in the seminary for some time. but it just seems like he thinks he covered all his bases and there's nothing left to be said. he just doesn't seem to care at all.
to be honest, after all this happened, I guess I just didn't care much anymore. he has never expressed any emotion whatsoever or concern. but if I email him, he will just respond to whatever I say in a similar fashion. If I ask how he's doing, he will say I am doing quite good, thanks for asking, how about you?
anyway, I know this might sound ridiculous, but I just wanted to see what people thought.
also, I know this was long, but there's probably stuff I missed.