Families and Engagement


#1

When did you let your family know that you were thinking of getting engaged? Or that you had already become engaged?

My boyfriend has been making proposal noises recently :smiley: but we haven’t met each other’s families yet, because we both live in Korea, his family is in the Philippines, and mine is in Canada. My parents know I’m in a happy relationship, but they don’t know that he’s planning to ask and I’m planning to say yes. I would rather wait for them to meet him before I ask for their blessing. However, it won’t be possible for them to meet him for another 8 months or so. His family knows that he’s going to ask me to marry him. This week he asked me to go with him to talk to the priest about marriage preparation. :smiley: It’s getting to the point that I have to talk to my parents about it. So when did you talk to your family about engagement?


#2

My boyfriend has been making proposal noises too…isn’t it exciting!?:smiley:

I told my mom we would probably be engaged soon over Thanksgiving. She was, mostly, fine with it. She has met him several times and likes him(except that he’s Catholic haha but thats a whole other thread!)

I hope for my boyfriend to ask for my parent’s blessing before asking me. I’m sure they’d like that.


#3

I told my mom we would probably be engaged soon over Thanksgiving. She was, mostly, fine with it. She has met him several times and likes him(except that he’s Catholic haha but thats a whole other thread!)

I’m guessing that, like me, you’re a non-Catholic woman dating a Catholic man. It’s nice, isn’t it? I don’t know about your boyfriend, but mine is pulling me into the church by NOT talking about it. He’s just patiently doing right and expecting it of me, and I’m finding my way to the church on my own.

I haven’t told my parents that my boyfriend is Catholic. They haven’t asked. Maybe they don’t need to - it’s reasonably common knowledge that most Filipinos are Catholic. And a few years back, my Dad told me that if I ever joined a church, the only one he would approve of would be the Catholic church, because it’s the true church. It made me wonder, at the time, why he believed that if he wasn’t Catholic. Anyway, I don’t foresee the Catholic issue being a problem. It’s the not having met him issue that’s going to be difficult.


#4

I’m sure your parents will be nice and like him. I will pray for you! Sounds great already that your family will be welcoming to him and not judge him just based on his faith. I hope it goes well.:slight_smile:

I am as of right now not Catholic, though my boyfriend has helped me learn more and more about the Church and I feel I am being guided there. Been studying and studying, and praying and praying, about converting for almost two years now. My boyfriend never started the religious discussions, nor ever pushed me to convert or even study Catholicism. Just by living his faith, he has been a big testimony to me.

My family doesn’t know anything about Catholicism, and so they judged right away and are horrified that I’m thinking of converting. So, its rough. But I know this man is the man I am supposed to spend my life with and I’ve found I feel much closer to God when in Mass and so I will continue to go where the Holy Spirit guides me. I’ve been asking the Holy Spirit to guide me to God’s will and Truth for my life and this is where I am heading. All that matters is to follow God to the best of my ability and always put Him first. What my family thinks is secondary.

Besides the religion thing my family likes my boyfriend, so they’ll get over it.

Engagement is so exciting! I’m sure your parents will be thrilled…all that matters, and that matters for most parents, is that you are happy. He makes you happy, so whats not to like?:thumbsup:


#5

My fiance asked my dad before me, and we waited until after he formally asked and produced a ring before actually telling our families. But we had been dating for years and I’m sure they had been long expecting it. I wanted to wait until it was official and we had some idea of when/what was planned.


#6

We had been friends for 5 years (and dating for 3 of those) when my husband proposed to me. By this time, of course, everyone (friends/family) knew we’d be getting married after both of us graduated from college, because we had been together for so long. :smiley: No surprises, here!


#7

Husband proposed 2 weeks after we met so we always knew we were going to get married. We officially got engaged about 8 months after we met and married 2 1/2 years later. Never discussed it with my parents.


#8

Well, I was never ‘asked’:smiley: My boyfriend (now husband) had met my mom once (she was the only family I had, and she has since died but lived long enough to see us get married) on a visit to my native Holland. About 3 months after that we were walking down the street on our way to his parents’ house, and he said ‘I suppose we might as well buy a ring for you now’ as he crossed over to the jewellers…I remember feeling a great surge of excitement and happiness, but I never actually said anything…We walked into the jewellers and chose a ring, and when we got to his parents’ house they had the champagne waiting, so he must have told them he was going to ask me:) We celebrated our engagement officially a month later and were married 6 months after that, in 2001. I don’t actually remember how I told my mom, I must have broken the news on the phone, and I know she was very happy with my choice of husband. When she met him the first time she said ‘He’s just like your father’ (my dad died when I was 7-years-old) and I knew that was the biggest supportive thing she could have said, as he was her one and only true love!

But to this day, we sometimes joke about how he just asked me walking down the road;) …

Anna x


#9

Aww thats really cute though!:slight_smile: I wish you and your husband many more happy years together

Last night my boyfriend said he wanted to show me something and lo and behold the boy was looking at wedding bands and engagement rings online. We looked over the site together for awhile.

Men, looking at rings all on their own!!! Wow I guess this is the real deal this time:p


#10

Congratulations I expect!

We dated for several years before we got engaged and then were married about a year later so there was plenty of time for everyone to get used to the idea! We both now wish we’d gotten married sooner. Ah well, all in God’s good time!


#11

Both of our sets of parents know that we want to get engaged at some point. He’s being a bit stubborn in waiting to ask me until this summer, but if it makes him happy, I’m more than willing to wait a few more months. Ours is a weird situation, in the fact that we kind of have everything figured out already, down to which priest will marry us, which one we’ll get our premarital sessions from, who’s going to move where, when, approx., the wedding will be, what church it will be in… but of course, all of these are ideas running about my head until it’s official. sighs Life’s one big waiting game, I’m beginning to realize. :stuck_out_tongue:

PS I couldn’t really choose an option on your poll, as none of the options really fit my situation… which is basically everyone knowing that we’re going to get engaged, eventually.


#12

My family has known since my girlfriend and I first started dating, I think. My youngest niece (4 years old) told us she was going to be our flower girl, but I’ve talked about it with my parents, and I took my girlfriend’s dad out for a nice long dinner where we sat and talked about everything for close to four hours before I asked his permission. It was a pretty amazing experience, sitting there watching him tear up as I told him how much I loved his daughter, and how I wanted to speak to him in advance of asking her. That was in October. I’m planning on proposing later this week.


#13

Hi JW–It’s me again. I won’t delete my post though.:smiley: I read your entire thread opener this time. ha

My husband made proposal noises 16 yrs ago, aw. I am happy for you JW–I see the excitement in your posts!

I would tell your family as soon as you are engaged. I think it’s important for them to know, because as you say, you won’t be able to officially have them meet your fiance-to-be for 8 months. That’s a long time to keep something a secret…and why keep it a secret? They will be happy for you, I’m sure…I’d share every step of the way with your family. That is what my husband and I did with our families, once he proposed. Good luck!!

Remember…I want to see pics of your wedding day. You need to put this on your list as one of your to do things…like you won’t have enough to worry about!:wink: :stuck_out_tongue:


#14

My dh wouldn’t propose until he had met my family and felt like they accepted him… funny thing is that he pulled my sister aside and told her he wanted to propose but not my mom (Mom has…ummmm… issues) In fact, when he did ask, he told her before he told me… and she called as he was proposing thinking he had already proposed.

I had met his family shortly after we started dating since they lived nearby, but my family lives about 15 hours away so he didn’t meet them until we had been dating just over a year.


#15

My DH and I met online over three years ago. I was already in my 40’s so what I did was my own business. He asked me to marry him when I went to England to meet him in person for the first time. We were engaged for over a year before getting married - between immigration and our odd circumstances, we both agreed a long engagement was a must.

I didn’t tell my parents until after I returned from England so it was our little secret for a week. :smiley: I think we told his parents (they live in Scotland) right away, I don’t remember actually.

Ok all you engaged ladies!!! Make sure you come by and visit my Catholic Bride’s Forum!! brides.ourladyforums.com/

~Liza


#16

I told my parents DH and I wanted to get married but DH had already given me the ring. That weekend he came over to ask for my hand and my parents said no … :shrug: but we got married any way, and I am more than glad that we did… now my parents are too, they love my DH.


#17

Ooh, I’m enjoying this thread. I really have to stop thinking about getting engaged, or my boyfriend will never ask me! He originally told me that he’d propose on Nov. 24th, because it was (kind of)the anniversary of the day we started dating. His grandmother got sick, so he spent the ring money on her hospital bill, so who knows when I’ll get my ring? I told him I don’t care about the value of the ring anyway - it could be made of wood for all I care, it just has to be from him.

He told me he’ll try to propose in January, but I’m hoping he’ll surprise me for Christmas. (Christmas will be three months after we started dating - we’ve been pretty quick about this.) Not that it matters, really, but… I’ve got to stop thinking about it.

Phemie: my boyfriend told me he wanted to marry me two weeks after we started dating. It was eight months after we met, though. He also introduced me to people as “his future wife” three weeks into our relationship!

Whatevergirl: I won’t keep it a secret from my parents. And of course I’ll send pictures!

Homewardbound: Ohh, how exciting. I imagine congratulations are in order! But my brother made his girlfriend wait four months after they started looking at rings! He wanted it to be a surprise.

Brando: congratulations! let us know how it goes!

Yessisan: your parents said no?!? Oh, I hope that doesn’t happen to me! I’m 27, so they shouldn’t, but it’s one of those things that gives me nightmares. I’m independent, but I wouldn’t want my parents to disapprove of my marriage.


#18

I know he will try to make it a surprise. I need to stop thinking about it too! haha. Its hard not too though!

Congrats to you as well. Let us know when it does happen:D


#19

Well considering I was in 18 years old and had only been back together with my then boyfriend about 2 months after a string of makeups and break ups…eh we kept it a secret for a while. We already had rings on layaway and my dress as well. My then boyfriend had just joined the Navy and was in boot camp when I broke the news to my mom. She actually was amazingly calm -my dad, not so calm. But they came around and my dad gave me away when we got married 4 months after my hubby asked me to marry him. Neither one was happy about it though. We got married at a wedding chapel. I’m sure everybody and their brother thought we’d end up divorced. Well we had our marriage convalidated in the church 13 years later, and are now going on 17 years of marriage in February.:heart:

Ya know the Shania Twain song “Still the One”, that’s our song.:slight_smile:

Oh and my parents love hubby very much now.:thumbsup:


#20

Really??? Be careful though, you do want to have a longer engagement than your actual relationship, right? DH and I “dated” for 1 month, became bf/gf and that lasted for 2 months, engaged for 2 more months, and have been married for 1 yr 9 months. I love him very very much, but sometimes you never know. Please think about it very well if you’re going to have a short engagement. Not knowing what you get into can cause a lot of tears and/or frustration. I was lucky Dh is not some psycho, but we’ve had very bad problems which caused us to go to a troubled marriage retreat and group meetings for 4 months… But anyway… how excited you must be!!!

Yessisan: your parents said no?!? Oh, I hope that doesn’t happen to me! I’m 27, so they shouldn’t, but it’s one of those things that gives me nightmares. I’m independent, but I wouldn’t want my parents to disapprove of my marriage.

Can you believe I was 24 when they said no??? :stuck_out_tongue: My parents were worried we had only known each other for so little time. We got married w/in 5 months of knowing each other, but we’re still strong and growing stronger as a couple!

Just be sure you aren’t just doing this because it’s exciting…


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.