Sorry for this long message but I am really questioning things a lot lately.
Why does it seem like to me that familes who have less as in a more modest income are more content and happier with their lives than many families who have much more wealth. I’m sure there are exceptions but my family on my dad’s side is quite wealthy yet we are very dysfunctional. My parents divorced and there is a lot more problems with my imediate family that factor in but in both generations the family is not close. We can not get along and most of us including myself are just miserable the majority of the time granted there probably are mental issues involved.
My dad has been absolutely wonderful as a devout Catholic suppporting us and he works so many hours as an executive giving us so much only to receive little to no appreciation as the three of us are so spoiled. It seems so hypocritical and wrong for me to say there was a better way especially when I benefitted so much from it and still do.
For whatever reason I just accepted this as fine for many years but throughout the past few years I’ve had the chance to meet several Catholic families with the friends I made in college and they are close and don’t have nearly as much as my family yet are just a lot happier. Without revealing too much about how spoiled I am I did try to understand what it is about these families that makes them happier and get to know them more. Of course they have their own issues but I mean overall. Not to mention that life in incredibly difficult for me currently due to being so spoiled and having no discipline. I can not relate to or imagine what it would be like and in fact I say I would rebel but I do appreciate other families’ way of life.
I kind of brushed this all off lately and started law school but after once again going home to my family with another disaster Christmas and using money my dad gave me to borrow one of my dad’s cars and go on a road trip to see many of my friends thougout the state, I just was really bothered by this all again.
I don’t know what I want for my life anymore. Everything in my life revolves around my spoiled self centered attitude I’ve developed not to mention the anxiety issues I unfortunately have. I can put on an act and often do when I visit my friends’ families but it is just an act and I am very tense trying to figure out how to avoid revealing my true self. I just no longer know if I want to become a powerful attorney in order to one day pass off my dad’s salary to keep enjoying my luxurious lifestyle. It just seems much nicer to have a lifestyle similar to some of the families I have met. There are many jobs in the law field and attorney can take that are beneficial to others and make a modest income but only a few pursue them.
I’ve only completed one semester of law school so I have time to think about these things but I’m tired of being miserable over this issue. My main concern is that I just wish I had enough faith in God to do things differently or to be more caring of others but I still unfortunately believe that unless I portray myself and eventually work towards becoming a wealthy attorney then no one is going to like me even if I know this isn’t true and it is this attitude which probably makes this fear a reality. Oh, I also worry that due to the problems in my family and whatever issues I may have I better make enough money to cancel out the negatives. Then of course while I can put on an act for a time being, I can’t imagine not living my comfortable life of luxury with anything I want thanks to the money my dad still gives me and will continue to give me until I graduate law school. Again, I apologize for this long message and there are a variety of problems for me but overall this one topic drives me insane to keep thinking about and I wonder what all the families on here think. Thanks.