I have family and many acquaintenances, but I have no people I consider friends. Its a hard lonely place.
Well, if you lived in Ohio,
I’d be happy to meet you for coffee!
I’m also looking for real friends at this time.
that would be nice. Alas, 400+ miles of Pennsylvania separate us.
Well, I was born in a little town outside of Pittsburgh …
and am actually driving there next Saturday
to attend the Steel City Con.
traillius reveals to the Forum** : “I have family and many acquaintances, but I have no people I consider friends. It’s a hard lonely place.”**
My first thought is, why don’t you just call some of your MANY Acquaintances as a Friend?
What problem does EVERY single acquaintance have, that prevents you from being a Friend with one of them?
Because the Best place to start in finding a Friend is reaching out to ONE of your Acquaintances, and “warm up” that Relationship.
Second, you have many Family members, but you do NOT consider even ONE of them to be a Friend either.
What problem do you have with EVERY Family member which prevents you from befriending one of them?
Third, what has to happen, before you would consider a Person as a Friend?
It may be that you actually HAVE Friends, but you don’t see them as Friends.
What are the minimum Standards you are judging Friendship against?
Fourth, if this problem has only recently crept up on you, then this is a Fresh Issue, and
should be handled with EYES Wide Open to returning to the Days of having Friends.
However, if you have spent most of your Whole Life without people you consider Friends, the advice we give needs to reflect the Fact that you have almost-never warmed up to another Human Being. This situation is MUCH different to deal with than for a person who is just temporarily in-between having a Best Friend.
So, I would appreciate it, if you will explain your Problem a little bit more.
Because, if you want Help, you need to let us know what Help you need.
I have had good friends in the past. I am not sure what entails a friend, except what good friends have shown in the past. As to family, there are some family members who are closer than others. Geography is the main impediment to social time with those family members.I am not sure what specific help is necessary.
So I can see it’s likely you’d rather not consider me as a potential friend because in your opinion Ohio is too far away.
I look at it differently, in that I believe real friends can be friends despite distance.
Although, I may well be in the minority here. It tends to end up in my case that people are happy to have me around if I’m the one that puts the miles on my car and invests travel time to see them and hang out with them. But them coming to see me, that’s another story.
That said, my best friend ever was someone that I never got to meet in person due to being on opposite sides of the country, but that didn’t stop us from celebrating each other’s birthday, Christmas, etc., calling to exchange news about how our day went … God truly blessed me with that friend, whom I lost to heart disease.
~~ the phoenix
I will be happy to be as close friends with anyone on here as is willing to be so. Perhaps I need to redefine close friendship. In the internet age, perhaps geography or sight don’t matter as much as will.
Prayer said that both traillius and the phoenix will be blessed with a couple of good, reliable, enduring and mutually beneficial friendships.
God bless you both
I think many people are in that situation. Relationships are like a dartboard–the smaller concentric circles representing the ever decreasing number of people that get that close to us. Just think: how many people can you call at 3am on any given day with bad news and expect a plane ticket if needed and an open door with unconditional love coupled with uncompromising truth at the end of it? That, by the way, is friendship.
More common is friendliness–someone to go to Mass or lunch after Mass with, talk over a book or meet for a day at the beach. That is indeed something that family or acquaintance can grow from. Take the first step and show yourself friendly.
I can relate. I do have one great friend and a great wife. And I live right between Ohio and Pennsylvania.
It doesn’t have to be. Do some self reflection as to why it is you feel you don’t have any friends. Are you not putting an effort to hang out with people? Are you quiet and shutting yourself off in conversation? If you have a hard time interacting with people try getting looking up some self help books on how to work on the things you might be lacking.
Like everything, interaction with people requires practice. The more you do it the better you get. Just be honest with yourself as to what you’re doing and instead of being down about it look at it as an opportunity to learn and get better.
I think I know what you’re talking about. It takes awhile for acquaintances to become friends. To me, an acquaintance is someone you can call up and arrange lunch with ahead of time. A friend is someone who you can call up last minute and if they’re available, they’ll meet you for lunch right now. The acquaintance will sympathize with you if something unfortunate happens but the friend will ask what they can do to help. There’s a big difference. It seems harder as you get older to find that kind of friend, especially if you move to a new area and are meeting new people who already have their own circle of friends.
I have some pretty good innerwebz and pen pals…it’s just that we haven’t met face-to-face.
Sometimes I feel that need, though.
the phoenix, I will be in the same area next weekend too!
Hey, now that’s interesting … I’m really not all that familiar with the area, are you?
(Will be following MapQuest directions to get there.)
My main reason for being there is attending the convention and hanging around the Star Trek people, but I could always take a break for a meal or something I think.
You’re welcome to PM me if you want.
~~ the phoenix
Thank you for the prayers, AussieTrish!