My brother's leukemia has relapsed. I am a perfect match for bone marrow. I'm pregnant. I am worried - for his health, for my heath (my possible complications while donating are much more grave while pg, I have a husband and six children who need me) and about the risks to the baby (to coupond this one this is my first pg after loss :( ) My brother found out that I was checking into the risks of donoring while pregnant and now he is mad, acting like I am refusing him. He has no religion/beliefs/faith at this point in his life and yet he says that he would have thought I would trust God to take care of me and the baby and him. How can he demand blind faith from me and absolutely none from himself? & having faith doesn't mean that my dh & I don't have a decision in front of us and it would be absolutely foolish to not know the risks. Actually, we may not have a choice, one hospital has already said that they won't let me donate. There is one other hospital to check with and if they say no that's it. If they say yes I don't know what will happen. I haven't talked to him yet for fear of what he might say. I made the mistake of texting him last night, just to say "I love you Rock." He responded with "Then don't make me go thru an extra chemo session." I can't take anything else right now. At all. I am trying to be understanding of his extreme emotions, I know he JUST found out about his relapse and is going through the shock and anger and fear. My brother has always been an angry person and very self-centered, NOT that I think anyone would be thinking outside themselves right now, he has every right to be thinking of himself, but like I said, he's always been an angry person & when he's upset it's always been directed at someone. He got divorced at the end of last year so he doesn't have her to take his anger out on, so it seems it's going to be me :( He's also a grudge holder and can never admit that he's wrong. I'm so scared that he's gotten it in his mind that whatever happens is my fault and won't ever forgive me. Unless things go 100% the way he wants them to I can't imagine him ever geting past this. What am I supposed to do? I have terminally ill brother that I can't call. Am I not going to be able to visit him? I ended up texting him back "I'm doing everything I can. xoxo" I don't plan to try and contact him again until I have some answers myself.
My dh & I have decided to first see what the response is from Dana-Farber, if it's even an option we will have the perinatologist here contact them and get every detail he needs to meet with us and tell us exactly what the risks would be for the baby and for me and the chances of them happening. Unless the decision is very obvious from that information we will meet with a priest to discus the whole thing on a spiritual level. We will then pray and hope for a sign. If it comes to having to say no my dh is going to tell everyone that it's his repsosibility to protect our family and it's too dangerous, he won't let me do it. sigh I hope it doesn't come to that.
In the meantime, I am not handling this well at all. I've been very short with my children, they are all fairly young and have no level of understanding for the stress I'm under. I know that. It's SOOOOO hard though to have them coming to me with all of the one thousand and one silly little arguements and questions and etc. I've been having headaches, heart palpitations and chest pains. I'm not sleeping & have to force myself to eat, if I wasn't still feeling nauseus I probably would forget to eat altogether. I know this is not healthy, what can I do to try and destress with 6 little ones around? I really can't imagine being able to do breathing exercises, meditation, baths or other things that require quiet with the chaos that has been going on with the kids lately. I don't know what to do.