Family Life and homeschooling


#1

Hey all. I’m having trouble with homeschooling. I’m 17 years old and I’m a junior in highschool and this is my eighth year of being homeschooled. I really am not doing too good this year mostly because my mom recently took a full time job and my older sister went to college. So I’ve been by myself at home five days a week. This is really hard and I am having trouble agreeing with my mom on stuff and doing the schoolwork. I really think its time for me to go back to school but my mom doesn’t think so.
Also, when she’s home from work she tries to do school with me and I’m very independant and I don’t need to be doing this sort of work with her. So she thinks I push her away and don’t like her or want her around or something which is not true. I love my mom very much but I just can’t stand it anymore. I think I’m starting to become depressed but I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help, comments, prayers are appreciated. Thanks so much.


#2

Prayers for you and your family. :gopray2:


#3

Clarity,
I can see that the changes in your life have made homeschooling more difficult for you, and I can understand that because my friend’s daughter said that she would find it difficult to be homeschooled if she had to be at home alone to do it, even tho she is a good student.

You want to go back to school and your mother doesn’t want you to. It’s very difficult for us to comment on this part of your problem because we don’t know anything about the situation, including your mother’s side of this. However, given that she is your mother and she wants you to stay home, it looks like you are “stuck” homeschooling for this time.

However, it may be possible for you to get involved with something that would get you out of the house a couple of times a week. You could visit an elderly neighbor and maybe help her out a bit, or maybe there’s a mother with small children nearby whom you could help? If you can get to your church, it may be that you could go in there and help out in the office. Doing something like that might make it easier for you to do what you are doing now because you wouldn’t be facing 40+ hours alone in your house.

What can you do to make things better? I know it’s hard but when you say that you disagree with her on things and have trouble doing your schoolwork, well, you are not really showing your mother that you are able to make good decisions, which will not help you wrt returning to school, iyswim.

It is hard when you are 17 to simply agree with your parents, esp when you have other ideas. She is probably very nervous because she had gone back to work–she probably did that because it was necessary and not because she wanted to. That in itself can be very stressful, working and taking care of her family, right? I think that it’s ok for you to disagree with her, but just don’t let her know, esp right at the time when these things come up. Maybe later, when you’ve had a chance to think about it and you can find her when she is more relaxed (like on the weekends) will be a better time for you to talk with her about the really important things you disagree about.

As to your work and her wanting to go over it with you, it seems like she sees this as a way of connecting with you, since she thinks that you are pushing her away when you don’t want to do that. It is very natural for you to want to be more independent as you get older and closer to adulthood, but it is really hard on mothers!!! (My daughter is 17 and my son is 15, so I am where your mother is.)

Can you think of ways that you and she can connect that are not related to your schoolwork? Is there a hobby or an activity that you both enjoy? I think that if you do your schoolwork really well, checking it yourself, except of course for stuff like writing, then you and she would have more time to do something else together. I don’t know if that would work in your circumstances.

Another thing would be to ask for her help in other ways. Say that you both knit. You get your schoolwork done really well, checked, etc., and then when she wants to sit down with you about it, you can say, I did it and I checked it, except for this composition. (then you two discuss the composition or whatever you usually do.) Then before you get onto another subject, you can say, here’s the work I did for math. I already checked it and I got one wrong, but I figured out where I went wrong with that problem; I missed a negative sign. Do you need to look it over, because I was hoping you could help me with this knitting problem I’m having…

I do hope that you will get some help out of this; I can see it’s a tough situation for you, but I can see it’s probably also tough for your mother too.


#4

Prayers for you.

I think you really just need to have a heart to heart conversation with your mom. Tell her that you do love her, but that you’re struggling. That you feel you’d do better in school.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was your age, and I know sometimes it’s hard to be open with our parents, but I wish I would have been more open with my mom at that age. I was depressed and no one knew, it was not a good time in my life. So please, just talk with her.


#5

Prayers.

This is kind of obvious, so I’m sure you’ve thought of it, but do you have a homeschooling friend that you could do school work with at her house?

I’m sure your mom is heartbroken to have to go back to work.

Spend some time with Jesus and our Blessed Mother on this topic. (obvious, too, but sometimes I forget to take problems to our Lord).

I would hate for my 17 year old dd to be at home by herself all week. God bless.


#6

Logic is what is needed here.


You say you aren’t doing too well this year.
You say your mother tries to help you when she is home from work.
You say you don’t want or need her help because you are independent.
You say you need to attend a brick and mortar school.


Okay. Bottom line is you absolutely DO need your mother to go over your schooling with you. If you were doing great, then I would agree you are independent enough to just have her look it over and keep track of your progress. But you admit you are struggling these days. It is a mother’s job to help her kids when they are struggling! That’s what we do. (You’ll appreciate it when your wife has the flu and you have to go to work and you have 3 little kids crying. Tada! Mom to the rescue!:D)


I’m not sure what you think going to a brick and mortar school will solve? Do you think the work load will be easier or the classes easier in general? Maybe so. I can’t say I think that’s a positive though. Do you think your mother won’t need to help then? Because I’m willing to bet that is not true by a long shot. You’ll go to class while your mom is at work, then you’ll both spend hours going over your homework.


I think this is one of those times when we have to set asside our pride for the sake of family. You don’t want help, but obviously need it. Your mom doesn’t want to work outside the home, but obviously has to. So you need to both presume the best of each other and know that you can work through this.


Are there any quality coops that you could be enrolled in or dual enroll at the community college in the subjects you have the most difficulty with? Are there home schooling friends that could help out?


And I hesitate to ask, but it has to be done: Where is your dad and what is he doing to help?


God bless!
I pray you have a day of good cheer, resolve to succeed, and a united heart with your parents!


#7

I think the girl is lonely. She’s home 5 days a week -alone. I think she wants to go to school to be with other people. Who the heck would want to stay home alone every day? I homeschooled my own child for ten years. I am very pro-homeschooling. I do think it would be depressing to sit at home alone every day.


#8

Hi - Is there any way you can take just a few courses at a public school to supplement your home education? I can see how being alone all day might be very isolating.
If you are a good student and are thinking ahead to college - I think some community colleges might let high school kids take classes to apply towards college credits.
Also - IF you have a major in mind - maybe you can apply to local business that will let you be sort of a high-school intern, since home-schooling gives you a more flexible schedule than other hs kids. That might look really good for college applications.
I think if you are prayerful and get creative, you and your mom will come up with a solution.


#9

Thanks everyone so much for your reponses. Also part of my problem is the fact that I know my mom likes working and I just can’t ask her to quit because of my problems. Also in a year and a half I’ll be going off to college and my mom will have her job to distract her from having an empty nest after 22-23 years or so. Both my sisters are in college so when I leave I know it may be hard for her.
About going to school, I know that the work load will probably be much harder to take and homework and everything but I absolutely hate being at home. About my dad, he goes to work for fourty hours a week also so it’s so difficult to adjust to this. He will be ok with whatever we decide, to continue homeschooling or going to school. However I know my mom would rather have me at home then school but I really cannot stand being home alone after so many years of my parents and siblings being home with me, it’s a big adjustment. Also, I do go to a co-op every other Friday but I’m dropping out of it soon because the classes aren’t very good.
Homeschooling would still be my choice if my mom wasn’t working but she is and I don’t want to take that away from her. During the day I do my schoolwork and I play music to keep the quiet from bothering me, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I don’t want to get depressed or have a mental breakdown or something, lol. I keep praying about this but I feel like I’m not getting any answers. Any prayers from all of you are greatly appreciated.
Bottom line is: I don’t know how to tell my mom that I’m starting to break down and want to stop homeschooling without hurting her. But I’m afraid she won’t awknowledge how hard this is for me and just keep me homeschooled. I feel like we both need to change our perspectives a little bit but I don’t know how she can when she has a management job. Most of the time my parents only talk about her job, and I feel left out. Help!


#10

**okay the issue isn’t homeschooling at all then. You are just lonely?

Okay. That can be easily fixed.
Join a different coop or take a cc course or on active online class (one where you are in live chat with teacher/classmates)

Or do you have friends whose house you could hang out at a few afternoons a week to school with? They wouldn’t change what they do other than have you sit at the same table doing your own work. Or even a HS friendly grandparent? I don’t learn well totally alone either. I need people to discuss and bounce ideas with. I don’t need it all the time, but I need it enough to understand that you need that outlet.

Talk to your mom. **


#11

How about talking to the principal of the local brick and mortar high school about your situation and find out what options are available to you there. That way, you would have more information to present to your mother.


#12

When my friend’s daughter I mentioned above was in a similar situation, she came over to our house and did her schoolwork. I helped her when I could and she needed it, like if didn’t understand something in math, but she basically worked independently and her mother was in charge of her schooling. We offered more of a noisy place :wink: than a school-type place.


#13

Print this thread out, and fold into a letter to you mom. She’ll get it!:slight_smile:

Ask her to let you go to school for education - and maybe take up a ‘family bible study’ to do at home together with your dad and mom - to change things up a bit and so no-one gets left out . . .


#14

That sounds like a great idea but I guess what it comes down to is that I’m afraid of hurting her. I don’t want her to think I don’t love her or don’t want to be around her. I want my mom to be home and at the same time I am not the same person as she is and I will have a difference of opinions then her. I don’t think she understands that, and she thinks I’m totally against her and hate her or something.
Homeschooling is really hard and I don’t know what else to do or tell her. Today was another hard day alone. Prayers please, and any other ideas on what I should do. Thanks so much.


#15

If you phrase it “homeschooling is hard” you’re mom will continue trying to help you in the evening, (which you wrote you didn’t like her doing.) Reading your posts, I gather that the difficulty is being home alone. Tell your mom about the problems you have being home alone for so many hours in a day. Brainstorm with your mom about that part of the problem.

There are things you could do to get out of the house more, like add another co-op class, take music lessons, study at a friend’s, go to the library, look for an afternoon job or volunteer work,…etc., etc. It doesn’t have to be the same thing everyday, but if you could find a way to have more contact with other people.

By the way, I wasn’t homeschooled, but I remember having some difficulty adjusting to the changes when my mom went back to work. I missed my mom. I wanted to talk with her about my day when I got home, but she wasn’t there any more. I also remember big changes after my older sister went away to college. You’re dealing with both those changes at once! No wonder you’re lonely. My prayers for you.


#16

How can you homeschool your child if you work full time? Have you tried talking to a priest or a close relative,? maybe they can talk to your mom. I think homeschooling is great but the parent who homeschools should be **home **to do it.


#17

Have you asked your mom why she doesn’t want you attending a brick and mortar school?


#18

I think that you need to sit down with your mother when it’s a good time, and explain to her that you are having a lot of trouble doing your school work because you are all alone so much of the time, and that you love her very much and want to be with her, but that you are really having a hard time being alone all day. Consider some of the suggestions that have been made here and whether you could do any of them or something similar, and oresent those to her.

Like this:

Mom, I am am really having a hard time concentrating on my schoolwork because I am alone and I feel lonely. I really love you, and I know that you don’t want me to go to school, but I think it would really help me if I could either maybe help Mrs Elderly Lady down the street, or take a bus over to Mrs Lady from Church With Small Children, or __________, but to be alone like this makes me feel (put in a *very specific *description of how you feel: abandoned, silence crushing you, alone in world, scared of every sound, whatever you are feeling).

Another thing to consider is enlisting your sister’s help. She might be able to help you know best how to approach your mother on this, and she might also be able to act as an intermediary. Can you get in touch with her, preferably by phone or chat?


#19

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