Long story for which I need support, please bear with me.
I grew up with a very abusive brother. He use to pick on me in front of all the kids to look cool and make fun of me for reacting. No need to put all the details down but six years ago, I simply had to tell him I no longer could have any contact. I am now 40 and even as an adult he was constantly screaming at me like a street dog for no reason.
Also every summer as a kid we use to visit this one aunt and uncle and their 2 daughters. I was the youngest and got teased a lot. This aunt was always shaming me for being too fat. When I was 13 she was serving everyone desert and told my mom I couldn’t have any. What would the boys think because of my weight. I look at pictures of myself from that summer and I cannot believe how thin and beautiful I was and how on earth she could say that. Needless to say I also resented the message that the boys opinion mattered that much. As a teenager and in my early 20s she was always asking how come there were no men in my life and insinuating I was defective for not having a boyfriend.
Finally, my parents and I came to an agreement 15 years ago. I would not give her a piece of my mind and they would never ask me to be in the same room as her again. Or more accurately, they would respect that I would not be within a 10 mile radius of her again.
That worked very well, until 2 years ago when my 76 year old uncle committed suicide. I was devastated. I put all my childhood resentments aside to go to the funeral. I showed compassion to this aunt. I put aside the fact than when I was eight years old, she came over to my house, did not like the shirt I was wearing so she dragged me by the hand to the bedroom and tried to lift off my shirt ! Please I was 8, how could she. She forced me to wear my cousins white T-shirt that was skin tight and transparent. I was so humiliated. When my aunt caught me trying to whisper to my mom that I did not want to wear this shirt, she yelled at my mom like a street dog that I was to wear it and that was that.
So at the funeral, my brother was there and needless to say I was in no mood to see him. I saw my 2 cousins I hadn’t seen in 20 years and we exchanged email addresses. Well, 2 weeks ago this cousin decides to start emailing me and talk about my brother. I told her I did not want to mention him. She said she would respect my wishes but she implied that since her father died I should reconsider. How can her father dying all of a sudden equate to me having to have to put up with my brother abusing me?????? Also, she is just as bossy and opinionated as her mother. I do not need a reminder of how my aunt use to treat me. Her mom is now very sick and it is hard for me to give out compassion for a woman who was so cruel to me. I have no desire to seek out revenge or do anything sinful but I am quite confident God would agree with my choice to walk away.
When life is good let’s treat CM like garbage and now that life is bad CM has to pick up the mess!!!!!!
Ever since this cousin has been emailing me I have been more depressed. I have been angry and unable to concentrate or sleep regular hours or eat healthy. It is just bringing back all the bad memories of never having my feelings taken seriously.
Her mother is laying on her death bed and she needs to talk about it. How can I be there for someone who has no compassion for how brother abused me? How can I listen to everything her poor mother is going through when I can’t mention everything her mother put me through?????? I can keep being the bigger person. I have no idea how to tell her I no longer wish to email her. We live 400 miles apart so email is the only communication.
Support for everything I have been through would be appreciated