Family pressuring relocation


#1

I’ve lived in Atlanta my entire life, along with my entire family. I’ve been with my wife 6 yrs and her family lives in Vermont, so of course she wants to move up there. The move would be rather easy and I already have a job offer there.

But, my family is pushing while her’s is pulling. I’m not sure how to handle it. I get guilt trips from my mother everytime I bring up the subject. And I want to sacrifice for my wife and daughter, and I feel women have a need to be close to thier mothers, and I want to make her happy.

If I knew I would hurt nobody, I would have already moved. Crime is increasing more and more here and I have a new baby daughter, so I’d like to get away from it all.

Any advice? :frowning:


#2

With families living so far apart these days, these kinds of decisions have to be made, don’t they? I say, you’re a grown man with a wife. It is up to you and your wife where you live and no one else. Having said that, though, it would be good if you do decide to move to reserve one or more holidays to spend with your family in Atlanta. And you could keep in touch via the internet, etc., so your parents won’t feel so deprived of seeing/hearing from you and their grandchildren.


#3

You need to make a decision based on what is best, overall, for your family. I personally would find Vermont a much more pleasant enviornment in which to live than Atlanta. You are correct, there is more crime in Atlanta. If it were me, I would probably choose Vermont based on what you say in your post. You can visit Atlanta in the winter, when you get tired of the cold. That’s what I do with my California relatives.


#4

If I were you, I’d make my priority the family I’ve made–my spouse and child. Your wife’s preference deserves priority over your mother’s–this is a decision that you need to make as a couple.

Also, your child’s future is very important to take into consideration–as you seem to be doing.

And, finally, if your spouse moved down here for you, you need to be willing to make the same sacrifice for her–if it is for the good of your family.

God bless,

kevinsgirl


#5

Tell them if they don’t leave you alone you’ll move someplace far from both of them. Like Hawaii. :slight_smile:

In all seriousness, move wherever you think is the best place to raise your children. If it’s near family, great. If not, make lots of nice friends when you get to wherever it is you move to.


#6

I can sympathize with you. In my husbands work we moved quite a few times. We both grew up in the same city and our families were there. For us, it was the best thing we could have done. No fighting over where to spend the holidays, who got the grandchildren on the weekends, etc. I am not saying that living apart from ones family is a good thing, but either way you go, someone’s family is going to be hurt. Do what is best for your job. If there a place you can go between the two states?

Having lived in Stone Mountain for six years, I know that there are many nice bedroom communities in Atlanta area. Vermont is too cold and too liberal for me. But that’s just MHO.


#7

What is your wife’s family like? Could you imagine being with/around/involved with them on a daily/weekly basis and be happy about it?

While I agree it is great to be within reach of family, don’t go resentfully or thinking you’ve done your wife some big favor if you really don’t want to move, uproot and restart a job, leave your friends and family, etc. The resentment will build over time and you may regret trying to be the “nice guy.” If, however, by moving you can accomplish several goals you have as a couple–such as living in a smaller, less-crime ridden community, perhaps with a lower cost of living, less commuting, etc. AND you’ll have family close by, then the move may make some sense.

Best wishes as you make this decision…and remember EVEN IF you go and it doesn’t work out as you had hoped, you can always move back!


#8

It would be a big change, I can tell you–many years ago (but still after Vatican II) our family moved to Vermont from Philly. And THAT was a culture shock, not to mention a temperature shock.

We are cold, but while there are some very loud liberals (flatlanders for the most part), there are also quite a few of us QUIET conservative/middle of the roaders; the real kind, the ones who want less federal government, more state government, fairer taxes instead of hitting one group alone, etc. And my biggest inducement is our Bishop Matano. . .He RULES!

You’ll probably want to homeschool your children (letting them go to the local school for sports/programs/activities), if you can’t afford one of the few towns/cities that has a Catholic school; and unless you do SOME winter activity, whether it’s skiing, snowshoeing, ice skating, or whatever, you WILL go stark staring crazy 6 months of the year. You will also want to be sure your home has a BACKUP heat source and your car studded snow tires and the toughest battery around. And unless you are a true pioneer with the skills of an Eagle scout, be sure you live IN a town, and not OUTSIDE, and especially that you don’t live UP (as in up in the mountain). Not if you’ve only driven in Atlanta!


#9

My husband and I moved from our families (all in one state) about 9 years ago. While I miss my family, it was a good decision for us. However, my healthy and financially well off parents used to visit once per year, now they don’t visit at all. I have asked them to come (we go there once per year with three kids in tow) and they have tons excuses. Be prepared for your relationships to change, sometimes for the better, other times for the worse.


#10

If your wife likes her family and would like to be close to them, and you can make that happen and are willing to make that happen, then do it. The value of close family nearby to help when a baby comes canot be underestimated. I struggle with envy toward those who are able to be close to their families. Mine is 3,000 miles away and though DH’s family is close, there are too many of them to be helpful (i.e. they all have huge families and no time or money to help us if were to need it) … especially since they put each other’s needs first and their needs are constant. So I’m on my own, for the most part.

If you can spare your wife this fate, please try. I love my inlaws, but I MISS my family.


#11

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