Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m not a very social person. I find certain people irritating, superficial and selfish. So I usually just choose to avoid situations where I have to be around certain people with whom I either get the feeling they really don’t want me around, or who I don’t feel good around.
Is this wrong? Where do we draw the line between not wanting to insult someone and being made miserable because we want to play nice?
If I want to do something, I should be able to do it without worrying about whose feelings are hurt, because those people don’t really care about me anyway. “I have to be nice” is such a … well, you know what.
Morally obligated. To what? Where does it end? I’m tired of being the person who goes out of there way to engage someone who never returns the favor, and then being made to feel guilty when I don’t include them in my life’s events, minor or major.
If you don’t want to call me, visit me, have anything to do with me in normal everyday life, please someone explain to me why I should feel guilty about not including them in the major events of my life which mean so much to me, but so little to them? I don’t care how closely related you are, by blood or marriage. This is just ridiculous.
Family to me, what my family has been about is not what family is to other people. I find this so difficult to comprehend. Family are the people who are with you all the time, who call your bluff, who stay even when you tell them to go away because they know that you need them. They call just to say I was thinking about you. They take an interest in what you’re going through. They don’t just go through the motions because they are “obligated”. I don’t want that kind of “Family”.
Backstabbing, he said/she said, instigating trouble, drugs, theft, blatant disregard for the personhood and property of others… Granted, I’m human, I sin like everyone else, but I don’t want those people whose character day-in and day-out shows that these things are what they are all about.
I don’t know. I’ve gone through times where that was my life. I can’t seem to reconcile who I am in Christ now with that. I don’t live like that anymore. But in the eyes of those others who have seen me at my lowest points, who I am to point the finger? But then, when I want to keep those things out of my life now, I’m the bad person. But if they keep me out because of that, I’m still the bad person.
Does any of this make sense? I know we are called to love our enemies. I understand… But how can I do that when I know in my heart that the person I am looking at reallly wishes I wasn’t there? That eats at me. How can I be around someone who is completely two-faced like that and be okay with it?