A month or so ago I posted a thread about my dad having a mental break down and asked for prayers. Well unfortunently things have gone from bad to terrible. 2 weeks after my father was 'cleared' he was back in hospital after having another break down. This would not be so upsetting or inducing so much anger if the hospital would do its f***ing job.
To put it bluntly, im ready to sue the hospital for mis conduct and damages. They basically give my father his meds and then let him do whatever he wants. He recently left the hospital with 4 hours leave, 7 hours later he was not back at the hospital and the hospital had not rang us to find out if he was here. No punishment was given to him except loss of leave whishc he ignores and leaves the hospital whenever he bloody well feels like it. We walked right past his nurse who knew he wasnt to leave hospital grounds and then urse did nothing to stop him leaving, not even saying he cant leave. The doctor in charge does not return our calls nor take them. This is just part of the problem.
My father in his manic state is aggresive (not physically but he gets in our faces and yells and rants at the smallest of things). When he left here after a yelling match with me (where he accused me of being a cheat and low life) he speed the car, nearly losing the car as he burnout of the drive way and I could hear the car screeching down the road. In his condition he is a danger to himself and others yet the hospital could care less. He emotionally abuses us, laying down guilt trips (which now he is pissed off because it doesnt work on me, my brother or my mother anymore). I mentioned in my other thread he took 800 dollars out of my account when he said he would only take 600 to pay something off. Well i found out yesterday only 50 dollars had been paid ff on the item, meaning my 800 dollars has gone somewhere and I dont know where. This is a pitance though to what he did this week.
My younger brother who also suffers bi- polar disorder, the same disease as my father, had over 6000 dollars in disability back pay. He was excited because he found a car for 3500 and as he is close to his P plates he would have his own car. Dad was his nominee (ie his carer). That 6000 dollars is now gone, some of it spent by my father for piercing and gold chains and a watch, the rest spent on furniture we told him a hundred times we didnt want. My brother is obviously gutted and destroyed by this emotionally.
Its even worse because our grandfather is takign dads side. Recently he pulled up here with dad (this was the 7 hour incident and the yelling match I had with him, also my brother was so upset and angry he ended up punching a wooden gate till his knuckles bled). Pa apologized saying he didnt realize how bad dad was wouldnt do it again. Today he did the exact same thing again. He then took dads side when my mother called him, believing that me and my brother were lazy and did nothing around the house (we had a pile of milk carton around the bin because there was no space in the actual bins and wood chips over the carpet because id carried in fire wood). This pissed me off to no end because my brother and I work hard around the house. My brother does the lawns with me and does the more physical side of the work while I wash the dishes and do general house work because mum works 6-5 5 days a week.
It feels liek we are constantly on egg shells. He is in hospital but it seems he can rock up here whenever he pleases and call and abuse us over the phone.
I often go to pray and ask Gods help but I feel i shouldnt. To my shame after things seemed to get back on track I went back to my old sinful self and I feel I turn to God like a crutch, discarding Him after a crisis. I sometimes feel this is Him punishing me, which inevitably turns to anger because this is harming my mother, my brother and our entire livly hood. Also its because I have been having horrible thoughts, including that things would be easier if dad just died, which make me want to hit myself for and feel that inevitably a prayer for help would turn into something else.
Sorry, I have very few friends and refuse to discuss with them as I feel im just burdening them with things they shouldnt deal with. I often feel this is the only place I can unload and hope to recieve any damn advise.
Sorry for the rant.