How can there be 757 channels with nothing on 98% of the time?
Remember when we only had like, eight or ten?
All right. Here's what I want for my Very Own Private Cable Thingie:
Channel One: Horse racing. Kind of like the OTB, but less emphasis on the gambling and more on the sport. And not just thoroughbreds; quarter horses and trotters too.
Channel Two: COOKING SHOWS. Classics, like James Beard, Dione Lucas, and Julia Child, with some Jacques Pepin, and maybe a little Nick Stellino, and some other chefs who might be interesting. Also maybe Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
Channel Three: Old TV classics like Dark Shadows, Star Trek, The Avengers, and Wild Wild West and some obscure faves like The Littlest Hobo---complete with their original ads!
Channel Four: Cartoons. Ben 10 and its iterations. Marvel and DC superhero shows. Futurama. Phineas and Ferb. Original anime, subtitled. And COLONEL BLEEP. Just because.
Channel Five: EWTN.
Channel Six: Classic movies. (Yes, we already have that one...)
Channel Seven: Classic, cheesy monster movies! Nothing but the worst!
Channel Eight: Crafts and do-it-yourself-age.
Channel Nine: Travel, factory tours, and documentaries.
Channel Ten: THE FOUNTAIN PEN CHANNEL! (Hey, I said this was fantasy!)