Far away family and Christmas


#1

I hope everyone had a very nice and peaceful Christmas. I have very " inflexible" family, and we all live far away from each other. How do you nurture a relationship when others are so inflexible and live so far away?
I did travel to see them and we had many tense moments of everyone wanting to have things go their way…
Also my daughter, 23 years old, left the church when she was 18. I try by example and I pray for her always…anything else I could do ?
Life circumstances has placed me alone 250 miles away from 2 sisters, one niece and one great niece and nephew.
I am so lonely at times.
I am also receouperating from a divorce that happened almost 2 years ago. After 33 years, my ex husband told me he wanted to " live alone."
If I get no resposes, please at least say a small prayer for me and my family.
Thank You,
maders:gopray2::gopray2:


#2

By "inflexible", do you mean everything has to be their way, no compromise and that you have to go to them, they won't ever come to you? Just want to make sure I understand before I respond and possibly stick my foot in my mouth.


#3

I am sorry you have these kinds of problems at this time of year. Holidays can be very difficult when we are alone. It may seen crass to you, but have you considered some kind of volunteer work during the holidays? When you put yourself in the position to do something for those less fortunate than you, it often makes your situation pale in comparison. I have tried it and it worked for me. Maybe it would for you.


#4

Family members have to have things their way…big commotion forms over comprimising over anything…it’s like walking on egg shells…my daugher is the " drama queen" of my life…just don’t tell HER that…on the other hand she is very responsible, holds down a full time job, etc.
Even though I’m lonely, it’s so nice to come back home to my own little world of peace.
Thank You,
maders:coffeeread:


#5

maders,
My family is inflexible, too, to an extreme. I know eggshells very well. What I finally learned after 50-plus years of catering to their whims in order to maintain peace was that they will never change and that they really are willing to sacrifice relationship to have their way. As they say, it's 'their way or the highway.' I learned not to expect too much and not to be disappointed, but it took a long time. I did some emotional un-investment, which is really hard to acomplish when it comes to family, but sometimes necessary. I don't think it ever gets easier, though.

It's so hard to be alone, especially during the holidays. But being with family can sometimes be more painful than being alone! :rotfl: I know what you mean about coming back to your own little world of peace. After listening to bickering and pettiness for awhile, it sure makes you treasure your nice, quiet life.


#6

[quote="maders, post:1, topic:181176"]
I hope everyone had a very nice and peaceful Christmas. I have very " inflexible" family, and we all live far away from each other. How do you nurture a relationship when others are so inflexible and live so far away?
I did travel to see them and we had many tense moments of everyone wanting to have things go their way....
Also my daughter, 23 years old, left the church when she was 18. I try by example and I pray for her always...anything else I could do ?
Life circumstances has placed me alone 250 miles away from 2 sisters, one niece and one great niece and nephew.

I am so lonely at times.

I am also receouperating from a divorce that happened almost 2 years ago. After 33 years, my ex husband told me he wanted to " live alone."

If I get no resposes, please at least say a small prayer for me and my family.
Thank You,
maders:gopray2::gopray2:

[/quote]

Same here...mother expects me to spend 2500 dollars to go see them...i live off of barely 20 grand a year with 3 kids she expects me to save money on a monthly basis when i barely even have enough to fill our fridge every week! She thinks that because I no longer owe my vehicle that i have that extra cash now i can afford to try and eat a little better give my kids a little more than before but what do i know...everything also has to be their way...for my brother's soon to be wedding celebration they wanted me to be there that again 2500 dollars out of what thin air? Got lectured horribly about it how I can use my income taxes well now a baby is on the way, can't spend money I don't have you know?! But trying to keep peace i hold my tongue and just go with the flow...

I pray for my family, no matter what they are always in diagreement with me, and that's fine, can't please everyone...when they visited me last year parents did all they did was criticize me for my carpet which that month I didn't have the funds to have it cleaned, it was april rainy season with 3 kids 2 dogs and all of their friends coming in and out of the house, how in the world could my parents not expect my carpet to be dirty that month? I instead of cleaning the carpet saved money to help pay for the car rental but whatever...none of that ever matters...just my disgustingness after 3 years of not seeing us that's how they respond to "missing their daughter and grandkids" family...what are you going to do? You know?!

I held my tongue then too...Will always do so...for my own sanity...

Oh I love my parents and family, I just don't understand them, nor do I plan to, I just pray for them...That's pretty much all you can do...cant change a 100 year old crooked rooted tree can you? yeah...exactly...

Well I do hope you have a good new years at least, family is always something to be grateful for even when they don't seem too likable, lol, just love them and shower them with your love, hopefully soon they will come around...GOD BLESS! hang in there...


closed #7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.