father issue


Okay so my dad’s side of our family is rather WASP-ish to the point of being a bit anticlerical.
My dad is an abivalent agnostic (“i guess there is a God but how does that effect me?”) but he is also very indecisive and my stepmother (a quiet but strong athiest) is rather manipulative and so essentailly her opinions become his very quickly.

that said I am in an awkward spot because I am applying for priesthood formation. while obviously in a contest between dad and God, God wins, my issue is that I like my dad and dont want to dissapoint him. Which leads to my REAL problem: I am halfway through the app process and I still haven’t told him.

Advice? anyone know of a good way to break awkward news? cuz I’m like a bit scared if you could imagine.


You can’t live your life for your parents. Apparently, your decision is the result of a higher calling.

Finish your application, then have a chat with your Dad. If he objects, just tell him that you respect his opinion and beliefs, but this is what you have to do.

Good luck and I’ll be praying for you.


[quote=Brain]Advice? anyone know of a good way to break awkward news? cuz I’m like a bit scared if you could imagine.

Good for you, Brian. You have my prayers.
My advice, take advantage of the strength of honest and direct surprise in a moment that is light and relaxed, when you can make a graceful exit and let him chew on it for awhile.
You are an adult, making an adult decision.
Ideally, he would give you his blessing. But - you probably know that you may not get that so be prepared.
I am so glad there are men like you out there. We need you. You sound like a great guy. God bless.


Pray for him, and her.

Pray for you.

Pray to The Holy Family for all of you. I just did.



Are you pondering what I’m pondering Pinky?

(Couldn’t resist that.)

How’s your real mom feel about this?

If it were me, and I was applying for priesthood formation, but had not been officially accepted, and I KNEW my stepmother was a quiet manipulator of my father, I would wait to tell them until I got back all the stuff that said yes indeedy, I am going to priesthood formation. Then, I would tell him (if possible, in a public place, so that at the moment I told him, there would be no public outburst, and no time to manipulate).

If you’re headed to the priesthood, then you are a man of prayer. So pray. Hard.

But also consider and possibly write out what you think they might say. Think up the worst scenario, and think out the best scenario. Then, come up with a scenario in the middle. That will probably be the reaction. In any event, you are prepared for all three.

And put yourself in their shoes, and think up some of their questions and/ or objections. Come up with some solid answers. It will be good practice if you do make it to ordination, God willing.

But no matter what, it is God calling you to this. You are a grown man. God does not throw us out there to lose. And He is never outgiven. Even if your father rejects you over this (which I am pretty sure he will not, but you never know), you will have a family of priests to support you.

And you never know. You might be the agent of grace for both your dad and stepmother.


Brain/Brian–God bless you for your vocation, and especially given the lack of support from your own family. But as the old Hebrew National hotdog commercial said you “answer to a higher authority” than your dad. If he isn’t happy for you and supportive, then know that your Father in heaven (and a lot of us here on earth) are praying for you, thankful for your vocation, and very supportive. Unfortunately, no matter how you tell him, he may not give you what you would like. So tell him and pray for him that he might grow deeper in his faith through your vocation. Blessings.


well, my mom, step dad and siblings are proud. its just my dad’s family that im afraid of.


After thinking about my situation today, the same approach may work for you.

At Easter Vigil, I’ll be baptized, first communion and confirmed. I didn’t tell my mother about it until the day of my first RCIA class. I wasn’t anticipating any objection, I just didn’t mention it. She asked if she could go with me and she did. She was a little turned off because we got into groups to discuss prayer and that was too private for her. She only went back one other time.

Over the past six months, I thought she was going to go through RCIA next year, but after a couple comments she’s made lately, I don’t think she should convert. She grew up Presbyterian and, at her age (80), that’s what she should stay. The neighbors are Presbyterian and offered to take her to church with them.

What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t tell her what I was going to do until it was clear that I was set on my decision. Earlier, she might have tried to talk me out of it if she thought I was asking her permission. Usually, she respects that I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions.

If you tell your father that this is what you’re going to do, he won’t try to talk you out of it. He should want you to be happy.



God bless you, Biran!! My prayers are with you. Very sound advice has been given to you. Remember, we only have one Father, and it is He whom we should please. Treat your earthly father with respect, but know who is ALWAYS there for you!


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