Father present at the birth


#1

Another thread made me decide to do this pole. There was a comment made my a man who said it’s too hard for men to watch their wives in pain when they can not do anything to help them -I’m paraphrasing. He saw assisting in childbirth as a job for a female family memeber not the husband. So I decided to pole our CA member for their opinion.


#2

I was there for all three, barely made it there in time for the last one. It is a bit emasculating to not be able to fix the “problem”, but the great joy and wonder eclipses that in a heartbeat.

It gets easier after the first, you understand a bit more what is going on. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.


#3

Ok, I tried posting a pole but it didn’t work for some reason so…here are the possibilities.
I am a man - I was/ will be present at the birth of our children
I am a man - I was/ will be present but I rather not be.
I am a man - I was not/won’t be present at the birth of children
I am a woman - My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children.
I am a women - was/will be present but I’d rather he’d not be.
I am a woman - was not/won’t be present at the birth of our children.


#4

I could not dissagre with that person more. Last year in preparation for the birth of our son my wife and I attended a ‘Bradley Method’ class so I could be more involved. The class puts a premium on Natural childbirth, so times it can make you slightly paranoid regards medicated or cesearan births. The main to get out of it are the ways you can be there for your wife and really share in the miracle. Trust me, once you understand what role you can have do not want to miss this moment and you will treasure it for the rest of you life :slight_smile: . My wife deliver was a c-section, so it kind of makes us Bradley drops out, but I absolutely recommend taking the classes :thumbsup: .


#5

I’m a woman and (lord willing if he doesn’t faint) my husband will be there for the birth(s) of our child(ren). none even here yet, but that is our goal.

we are hoping to use a midwife and I know the birthing classes strongly encourage the husband’s involvement. I really want him there to be my strength. if the midwife thing doesn’t work out, I want him there for protection against some of the annoying things about giving birth in a hospital. if I ever had to have an emergency c-section, he wouldn’t let me be alone. he would want to be there praying over me the whole time.

but we’ll see once the time comes along.


#6

I am a women - was/will be present but I’d rather he’d not be.

He stood there gawking at the whole thing and then went out for Mexican food with his dad afterwards. I was glad for his company in the beginning, but after it was all said and done, the memory of his behavior is more negative than positive. Maybe next time he will have learned something and be more considerate.

You know what he said while they were sewing up my episiotomy incision? “That didn’t look so hard.” Bonehead.


#7

I hope he’s thanking his luckey stars that you were too tired to slug him!


#8

My husband is my stability! He is truly my better half. When I am all freaking out because of my pregnancy horomones, he grounds me by helping me see myself objectively. I NEED him at the birth!
I was getting a scheduled c-section for my firstborn. Now, I had never even scraped a knee in my life. I was terrified at being effectively “eviserated”. When I was strapped down on that table, Mike whispered the rosary in my ear the entire time, smoothed my hair and held my hand. I can not relate how much this helped.
Later, he confided he saw my uterus when the doctor was sewing it up. I mean, guts! Gross! He said he was about to faint. He was so strong and stoic I never noticed!
Men, often women don’t want you to “fix” their problems. Sometimes we just need to know you are there.


#9

Do you know who originated the Bradley method" Was it a physician and where was he located?


#10

My husband was there for all three. I needed him there. Just knowing he was there made me feel calmer and less anxious. My middle child was an emergency c section and he was my rock through it all. Now, after my third, which was a 16 hour labor, during which I pushed for 2 and a half hours, I almost clocked him. As her head was crowning (painful time) he leaned over and said, “Honey, would now be a bad time to talk about #4?” The nurses thought it was very funny. If I could have I would have kicked him.


#11

If, by some miracle, I ever get the chance to give birth to my children, my husband had better be there if he knows what’s good for him! He won’t get the cop-out of sitting in the waiting room where it’s calm and quiet. :smiley:


#12

** Hear hear. If you help to put in the order, you should be there for the delivery!**


#13

My husband was there for all of them and HE would not have had it any other way.


#14

Husband present at birth? Heck, I’m hoping HE’S the one birthing them! I had our first 6 children; I think it’s only fair he has the next 6 :smiley:
On the serious side…
He was present for all of them.I didn’t need him there for my sake necessarily but figured he was there when they were conceived so thought he might be interested in seeing the “finished product”. He cut the cord of our last baby and didn’t faint or anything. I never even thought to ask if he’d be in the room or not-I guess it was implied that he’d be there.


#15

My husband was invaluable during the 20 hour unmedicated, induced labor and eventual emergency c-section birth of our daughter. He prayed the rosary continuously and alternated with the divine mercy chaplet, talking calmly to me and supporting me throughout. I can’t imagine him not having been there, I’m so grateful he was!


#16

Both of my children were born over 20 years ago by C-section. In the case of my firstborn, it was touch-and-go whether mother, child, or both would survive - DW had toxemia. I can still hear the sound of both mother and child’s heartbeats on the monitor to this day. Then DW had an asthma attack during the section.

I saw both of my children lifted from the womb and I would not trade that experience for anything in the world. Or the memory of having them placed in my arms.


#17

I am a man and I will be present at my childs birth, unless the mother kicks me out. I’ve had many experiences in the medical bed, I’ve had many experiences of pain, I’ve even had experiences of huge amounts of hormones. The job of friends and family at the bed side isn’t so much to fix any problem, but just to be there, tru to provide some support and empathy. Well I guess maybe you could slip them some pain meds…but the doctors usually like to be on those decisions.

One thing that always got me through the painful intervents, was remember something I got from Saint Therese of Lisieux was to trust God that what is painful intervention done now is needed to help some ailment to get better. Well it was something like that. Remember the pain won’t last forever. The pain and sorrow of the pangs of childbirth, are needed for the glory of birth of a new person to this world. Thats not to say, one won’t be nervous and stressed out by what is to come – labor. Thats only natural, the best thing you can do is listen and also try to bring up something to get it off their mind.

But I could always get myself kicked out of the room. Typically, in those nervous situations at the hospital, I tended to become a real smartie espcially to the nurses. I figure they prefer that to crabby people. Also sometimes in those nervous situations you have to laugh otherwise you’d be crying. A good smile and laugh tends to work better at raising the spirits. Otherwise, I hope I can just be supportive and empathic, and try to read her as best I can to try to give her what she needs. Maybe its a prayer, a laugh, a scapegoat or all three, whatever helps her though it.

I think you must take the cake Brotherhrolf, my hats off to you. I’ll have to say a prayer for you and your wife, that’s gotta be emotionally stressful, just thinking about it, even if it was that many years ago.


#18

I am the woman and I was present at my child’s birth:p
My husband was AMAZING! He was there through labor, and when it became apparent that a c-section was necessary (footling breach), he held my hand in total reassurance. When the doctor made the incision, my gasp of pain made it apparent that the spinal had not “taken” – I needed to be put out. Hubby left the delivery room, as is hospital policy, while I was unconscious, but watched through the window. When dd was delivered, the nurses called him back in to sit in the corner and cuddle dd while they sewed me up and took me to recovery. I am still grateful he was there – to help make the tough decisions and reassure me through it. And he’s grateful for that bonding experience with dd and is happy that he was there when I really needed him.


#19

Hi Mary Bobo,

The Bradley method was developed by a doctor and was started in California I beleive. You can search on Bradley Method Classes and that should get you a website with more information. It is taught by couples throughout the US.


#20

I am a woman - My husband was/ will be present at the birth of our children.

My husband and I took the Bradley classes in prep for our first child (and only so far). I feel that it was great info, but I’d rather he not have a job next time, except being my love. I think it was very hard on him because so much responsibility was laid on him. Next time I’d like for him to be there, but not have to worry about remembering information, suggesting positions, or fending off hospital staff eager to suggest interventions.

I did just post on another thread about how appealing I find solo-birthing (that is, kind of finding a quiet spot and doing it on my own, without husband or midwife) but I want him handy to call if I want company. During my first labor, I was alone for several hours, and those were some of my sweetest hours. It was just me, my baby, the contractions, the quiet, the couch, the chair, the birthball, and God. I could really listen to what was going on inside. But then, about 5 am, I wanted someone, and no question that the someone I wanted was DH.

A friend of mine who is a fast-birther had two of her children minutes before the midwife arrived. Both times her husband caught the baby, and it was very moving to hear him tell about it. He’s an easy-going guy and I think the speed of the births helped reduce the “I’ve got to save her” factor too. He had something to do, and a concrete way to be useful and it was great for him. I think when birth isn’t viewed as a medical emergency, it can really be just fine for a man to be around while his wife gives birth without feeling a lot of pressure to “do something” about it.


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