So lately (as in like over the past… 4-5 months, ish) I’ve had this horrible overblown fear of death. Like “I don’t want to get in the car incase it crashes and I die” type of fear/anxiety. I’m also paranoid of illnesses and whatnot. The day I finally got the meningitis shot was one of the most revealing days of my life, as weird as it sounds.
Now I’m going away to college next year so I figured I should probably do something about this irrational fear before then… I don’t want to spend the first few months at college afraid of going out and doing stuff because I think I am going to die. I’m hoping to get on the colleges service team, but I’m a little concerned about going out into the inner city where they do some work and whatnot. I also have the opportunity to go to Italy this summer, but I’m thinking of turning it down because going to Italy to spend my entire time afraid of something horrible happening does not sound like a fun experience.
This fear/anxiety is pretty new to me. In the past I have had no problem going on mission trips, heading to New Orleans despite the high crime rate, working outside NYC, etc. I used to barely give thought to all the “what if’s” in life.
I guess I want to be to the point where I can turn on the news, hear about the 100+ people dying from this swine flu, and accept the reality of it and the reality that nothing can happen without the permissive will of the Father. I don’t want to feel sick when I remember the Columbine shootings. And I don’t want to be afraid at the thought of going on an international mission/learning tripe, like is required at the college I will be attending. I want to get beyond the fear, so I can live life to it’s fullest & reach out and do something about the pain in our world.
I guess my question to you all is, how should I go about doing this? How do I get beyond the fear of death into an acceptance of reality and the assurance that better things to come?