Fear of Not Getting Married and Trusting in God


#1

I am a 24 yr old man and I am on my journey back to the catholic faith. Since I returned to my faith (and even long before) I have felt a strong desire to one day get married and have a family. That said, I also struggle with anxiety and a great deal of fear about not finding someone and being single over the long term (especially when I'm actively dating and dealing with rejection).

Now I know that Jesus says the best antidote for morbid fear is trust. I also know first hand that my trust in Christ has helped to overcome so much anxiety in my life. Unfortunately, I am having difficulty trusting in God when dating largely due to the following passage:

Corinthians 7:8: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.

In this case, my attempt to trust in Christ seems to be making my anxiety and fear worse since I fear that if I leave it up to God to lead me to my wife, he will chose single life for me since it seems to be a higher vocation according this portion of scripture. As a result I feel this need to become emotionally involved in my dating life which is creating neediness and unhealthy tendencies and probably damaging my ability to meet the right woman in the first place!!

I would really like to resolve this issue in my head so I can get back to loving God with my whole heart and not holding anything back from Him (such as my dating life).

Could you please help me?


#2

You could also take it to mean that those who are not in marriage should not do things that are done in marriage, such as relations and the such with others...

Trust in God's plan for everyone is really the only way to bring peace to the situation.


#3

Trust is the answer. Step one is to trust the Church's teaching in the matter, which is nothing like how you are interpreting St. Paul (and I think you realize that since you call it a fear.) Start by reading this part of the Catechism.


#4

I had both your anxieties about not meeting the right person and about confusion that the religious life was preferred by the church even though I felt so clearly and strongly called to married life.

I'll say two things quickly, since I'm tired :rolleyes: and if you would like me to elaborate just let me know.

-for the purpose of my personal vocation, whichever is God's will for me is preferred. I wrote a thread about this and I can't quite explain it, but I sort of get now how celibacy being this high calling does not negate or lesson the dignity of marriage.
Praying for wisdom about my vocation and clear guidance helped a lot.

-in the past week or so, it's as if my prayers that I've been saying for over a year to meet the right person are working. I am not totally sure yet whether I've actually met the person yet, but i have 100% solid faith God is bringing the person to me and wont let me mess it up or not notice him. Keep praying and don't give up. If it is your vocation to marry God will provide a spouse and you can in the meantime get more reliant on Jesus & Mary and less on emotional interactions in dating...that way you will be way more objective and discerning and save yourself and others a lot of hurt.

"Three to Get Married" by Fulton Sheen is also an excellent book, I'd say required reading. :D


#5

Can't give a lot of practical advice, but to help you with the Scripture:

Everyone is born unmarried. So if St.Paul really meant that everyone who is not married should not marry, then the human race could only survive through fornication.
I hardly think this was his point ;)


#6

You need to read the whole quote in context, because St. Paul was speaking of how unmarried people have more of an ability to focus their attention on pleasing God without also having to please a spouse. However, he also recognized the human condition and that not everyone can handle celibacy - in fact, it could provide an occasion to sin for those who cannot handle it - and also wrote in the very same chapter that it is better to be married thanto burn, and also that everyone should have their spouse in order to avoid immorality. Additionally, do not “camp out” on that chapter, but read what is written elsewhere in the Bible, such as how God said in Genesis 2 about how it is not good for man to be alone, as well as what Christ said regarding celibacy/not getting married when His apostles said that it was better not to marry: that not everyone can accept this teaching, only those to whom it was given.


#7

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