Feel terrible about my life


#1

hey guys,

if you don't want to here my complain, you should probably visit another threat. I just feel like things aren't going very well in my life. if you want to say I'm a terrible person or condemn me further, go ahead, but I might not listen. I appreciate advice.

I just lost my job. I didn't like my job even when I was there. the boss let me go. he was not a very nice person at all. it was not for a specific reason, he just said he was looking for different qualities. so that sucked.

also, I have some kind of attachment to pornograhy, maybe addiction. last night I was up past 5am looking at porn.

also I'm in a 5-year relationship. I'm 27, she's 26. we're not married. and I keep thinking about that a lot.

and I feel like I can't get out of my own way.

I moved into an apt. from my parents house at the end of january. I got an extra key made. now my gf is upset because I haven't given her a key to my apt. we don't have sex or sleep together, adn she always leaves around 10 or 10:30pm, but she feels like this is a step in our relationship. I haven't purposely not given her a key, I just never seem to get around to anything. I want to emphasize that she is not going to live here or share my apt. she doesn't believe in living together before marriage. it's just a symbolic thing more than anything else. anyway, she's mad at me now. and she also said I didn't give her anything for christmas, not this past year, but the year before that. I don't even remember.

so anyway, let em rip. I just don't feel very good about myself right now.


#2

I'm sorry things are going well my friend. Here's a cyber beer-(even though I can't stand beer) .

Remember that this is only for now. Things WILL get better.
God bless.


#3

Lust is a capital vice. As such, it has many daughters. You have some time. Do a search and find the daughters of lust. You will probably discover that most of what you are feeling is related.


#4

Do you guys think my addiction or attraction to porn could be causing me to not go into marriage?


#5

[quote="phil8888, post:4, topic:194726"]
Do you guys think my addiction or attraction to porn could be causing me to not go into marriage?

[/quote]

I personally don't. It doesn't make sense to me. You lust and have an addiction to porn, but you could get married and have the real thing.

I'm dragged feet when girls have hinted at marriage-and I'm not even into porn at all.

Most men are just a little gun shy when it comes to a lifelong commitment.


#6

I see man. so what do you mean by dragged feet? how long are we talking here?

and also, I’m still a virgin…


#7

Here is what I know about lust. It is defined as an inordinate desire for venereal pleasure. It is a mortal sin. Some of the daughters of lust are:

Blindness of the intellect. Drags us into thinking that things are good when they are not. Mitigates the ability to grasp the truth.

Precipitation: Destruction of council. Destroys prudence which is part of council. Doomed to foolishness and stupid behavior

Inconsideration: Thoughtlessness. Destroys judgment of what is the best means to an end. Person might know the means, but judges wrongly. ie knows that mortification will help but chooses gluttony instead

Inconstancy: has trouble keeping the course. Know the right thing but acts out of accordance.

Disordered love of self: Because a person loves to satisfy himself he becomes selfish - 6 and 9 commandments. Disordered self love makes it hard to love another.

Develops a hatred of God. Lust is prohibited so he starts to hate God.

Love of the present life. One becomes fixated on this life.

Desperation of the future life: Despair. One thinks that he will not be saved because it becomes too difficult.

Incircumspection: Can’t judge past circumstances correctly. Loose track of who they are

Glutony: hard time remaining temperant regarding food. The same faculty is involved in lust and gluttony. Fasting tends to reduce lust.

Losses fortitude:

Effeminacy: unwillingness to be separated from pleasure to pursue that which is arduous. The solitary sin causes effeminacy. Leads to androgyny. Men wearing jewelry and makeup. Men trying to look nice in a way which proper to women.

Destruction of modesty. Reveal that which is unsuitable

Pride arises.

Lust doesn’t want any restrictions. Work against societal norms. Because he can’t control himself he wants to control others.


What do you think?


#8

Yes because viewing pornography (contrary to popular belief) is a grave sin… it makes one selfish & unprepared for marriage because it gives this sort of disgusting illusion that women are not people but objects for mens sexual gratification. My advice to you would be to do everything you can to get rid of this habit…pray daily (for long lengths of time if necessary), read the scriptures, recieve the sacraments… because it will ruin your life. To end this post… there is hope in Jesus Christ our Lord who died on the cross for our sins & has risen to grant us Eternal Life.

I’ll be praying for you… I know the horrible things that porn can do to a man

Your brother in Christ,
Zachary


#9

Hi Phil. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. It is at this time when God often does his best work, though.

One thing about having a pornography addiction paired with a job loss is that leads to a lot of free time during a time of despair, and that can be a recipe for the devil to really get a hold on you with this porn thing. My advice is to get out of the house as much as you can. Keep a normal schedule. Volunteer as much as you can in the community. Wake up early and volunteer at a diocese run soup kitchen. Knowing that someone out there is counting on you can be a great motivator, often more so than a paying job.

I personally think 5 years is too long to be dating without an engagement and both parties working towards being ready for marriage. If you do not want to marry her, or you think you are not prepared to be a husband you have to let her go. Not being ready to get married does not make you a horrible person, but stringing a woman along when you know in your heart the answer is no does sort of make you a selfish person. Seeing that you have an issue with porn, you may have some issues with intimacy and perhaps self esteem. You can defeat all of these problems with God’s help. Your current girlfriend may or may not be a part of your future but you really have to nip this in the bud before that can be determined. If that means letting her go for a time, then so be it. Have you read how many wives on hear cry out in sorrow because of a husband with addiciton like yours? You don’t want to be the source of a wife’s pain like that. You do not deserve to be trapped in such a spiritual prison either. I know it seems like a bunch of really bad stuff is happening to you, but maybe God just needed to get you off your course of track so that he could transform your life.


#10

Ok, quick answer-it's against male nature to want to be with just one woman. Our nature leans towards infidelity. That's why it's a wonderful thing when a man gives himself to just one woman. Oddly, even though it's common knowledge that male sexual nature tends to lead men towards wanting mulitple sexual partners, saying that is controversial.

Next, if you've been dating her for 5 years (and being a virgin has nothing to do with it), that's long enough to make the decision. I can't read your mind, (no one here can) so I don't know.

For me, the one girl I'm thinking of-we dated for one and half years. She started pushing me into getting her a ring, and I thought she just wanted to get married period, not really get married to me. I broke it off with her, and I have zero regrets. But that's me.


#11

Yeah I agree… remember that God Loves you so much that He couldnt bear to accept you destroy your life


#12

Hello Phil! First of all, I am going through a lost job situation as well and it's hard not to get down. If you belong to a Parish, go there and ask for counseling, the Catholic church has many resources and shame on anyone who does not take advantage of them. If thats "to personal" going to yours, go to another Parish and ask for help. I know my parish has all types of counseling, you sound like you are in a rut-just take this first step and do it. I wouldn't get invovled with anyone right now, just explain to your girlfriend that until you get back on track, you cannot meet her emotional needs let alone your own. I will pray for you no matter what has happened between "when you posted this and now", It's never to late. Then get away from the computer and get involved in church activities and in the community to make a difference in other people's lives, it will make you feel better and you will be helping the church and others at the same time! God Bless You!


#13

That is absolutely true and does not seem controversial at all. That’s one of the things that makes us human separates us from the animals We are here to rise above those natural desires.


#14

I’m glad you see that. Many people don’t understand it and don’t want to admit it. You’d be surprised. Some people on this site think I’m nuts for saying it. (and for other reasons too, I’m sure of :wink: )

To make myself clear, and sadly, I feel it needs to be said-I do NOT support men giving in to their sexual natures. What I DO support, strongly I might add, is women understanding that when a man chooses be faithful,that’s a great gift to a girl.


#15

Actually you sound very depressed to me. Some of the things you say “can’t get around to it” , “didn’t like my job”, etc are textbook symptoms. And depression is a chemical imbalance. I personally think the porn is stimulating some sort of chemical response and that’s why you are addicted to it. I know you are unemployed and things are probably tight money wise but seek out a counselor. There are counselors you can see who accept payment according to what you can afford. IF they decide you are indeed depressed, you can get on medication. Medication can help a ton and you will wonder how you ever functioned without it. And maybe the medication can help with the chemical imbalance and you can stop looking at so much porn. But try to go see a counselor soon.


#16

Have you checked out the thread on the spirituality board?
How to stop masturbating, and suppress the sin of lust
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=373387
35 pages. Is that a record? You are not alone.


#17

OK, so the cosmic boot of God has manifested itself to kick your rear out of a job that you didn't like to begin with. The cosmic boot of God sort of has a way of doing that when one is in a job that one doesn't like to begin with.....
but you are left staring into space at 5:00 a.m. relying on pornography to help you feel some kind of life energy within you again.... sexual energy is life energy, after all....
and if you stay up late enough, it seems like it takes the edge off facing another day....
or the oblivion of sleeping through another dawn. I'm so sorry. You're not the first guy on the block these days in this economy to go through this, you know. Yours is a pretty typical reaction; please be kind and gentle and patient with self.

The economy is the pits.... ask anyone....they do not see the hand of God in any of it.
The hand of God.... and the boot of God.... is in ALL of it, absolutely all of it! Everyone and everything..... priorities, habits, relationships, lifestyles, plans..... the deck of playing cards of life has been thrown up into the air lately and landed all over the floor of everyone's life, for gosh sakes!

You know the old Kenny Rogers song "The Gambler"?
"The secret to survival is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep..."
Voltaire said it long before Kenny Rogers, but Kenny Rogers said it darn well... and he's on Youtube. Christ said it long before Voltaire, you know...... "gehenna" was the city dump of Jerusalem. and the *"fires of gehenna" *were trash fires, not unlike the burning trash barrels in urban slums of the modern day. Yup. Your own gut will tell you it's the truth... but where to begin sorting out.... you?

Right here. Right now. So.....if you had one year left to live and a million dollars, what would you be doing right now?
Seriously.
What would you be doing?
Make that thought very complete, very detailed, and hold that thought for 5 minutes.

Got that thought together in some solid detail? Good. Can you see it clearly? Take a good look at it: That is what is inside YOU. It represents a lot of issues and longings.... and interests and talents that you have yet to discover and develop, and most of which you hardly even know exist. You haven't hardly even scratched the surface of becoming the YOU that God created you to become, why you've hardly even got a clue of the YOU that God created you to become!

Yeah, I know, it's just a fantasy and nobody but nobody has got a million dollars here....
It doesn't matter. What matters is that things get moved around, changed around, and sometimes stripped away from your life in order to give you space to GROW....
to grow, learn, and develop what God created you to become and that you don't hardly even have a clue of.

It's time to take a serious look at the direction of growth your soul wants to take here.

So buy a bulletin board and put it up on the wall. On this bulletin board you need to put cut out pictures that represent to you what you think you truly want in life and want to become in life.
Cut, staple, arrange, re-arrange, edit...... until you've got a picture of yourself and the life you want and that guy within you that you want to grow to become. Make it as detailed and as real
and complete as you can and change it as you change and stare at it every day.
You must first create in your mind what you want to create on earth.
You must first create in your mind what you want to create on earth.
You must first create in your mind what you want to create on earth.
Free will is REAL and God doesn't do it for you.
You must first create in your mind what you want to create on earth, what you want to co-create with God. This is how you boot..... or re-boot.... the programming on your soul when it crashes.

40 years ago I lived on the hard side of the concrete urban jungle and never thought I'd survive to be 20. A wise old woman told me about doing a bulletin board. All I could think of to put up on it was a mountain with trees and snow on it. I'd never even seen a mountain with trees and snow on it.
Today I live on a mountain with trees and snow on it.
Enough said.
Blessings.


#18

Here's a hug: :console:

First, you're not a terrible person. We are all sinners in need of God's mercy. We all have lows in our life that are difficult to handle. That's where you're at right now. The question is, where do you go from here.

First: pray!

Next, the main thing I would suggest would be to find a good spiritual director. Talk to a priest. You know that this porn addiction is wrong. It can affect your life in ways that are sometimes difficult to perceive. It absolutely affects the way that men interact with women. You should go to Confession as often as you falter and actively work to overcome this sin. It is possible!

Finally, as difficult as things are right now, try not to get too down on yourself. The porn thing can feed into a whole self-defeating circle: you do it because of how bad you feel, but then it makes you feel worse about yourself, which leads you to do it again, etc. You need to break the cycle.

I would also challenge you to really make a conscious effort to perform some act of charity for your girlfriend this week. Don't allow any past neglect to deter you from taking action now. Do something for her to make up for the fact that you forgot to get her a gift. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. It just has to be something to show her that you are thinking of her and that you treasure her.


#19

You guys are really good. Thanks for all your advice. it’s really helping a lot. I will do a lot of the stuff you suggest. Keep the suggestions coming.


#20

Partially true, it is against man’s FALLEN nature.

Man was created to be completed by one woman. That is God’s design. Sin causes us to act contrary to that nature.

We have to kill the old man, the lust of the flesh.

Here is an old gospel song that talks about the water grave of Baptism.

Remember, as a Catholic you were bapitzed, you have been born again of water and of the Spirit.

youtube.com/watch?v=JNTPf3BY6Cc


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