well, most of you know that my relationship with my parents has not always been great. in turn, from since I was very young, I wanted a mother figure in my life, teacher, mentor, that sort of thing. looking back, I guess I’m worried, because when I want to be close to someone, they tend ot be on my mind a lot or I wanted them to like me, be impressed with me, find ways to talk to them or excuses to run in to them places. i guess it was attention-seeking more than anyting because i wanted them to notice me
I was also doing some reading and apparently these are signs of attraction towards the same sex (or I guess opposite sex if these people are male), coupled with the lack of desire of marriage, apparently, I seem to fit the description.
I never really even considered that possibility until now, i thought it was nothing impure, albeit probably unhealthy and a bit obsessive. i was putting too much stock in human relationships when i should seek God instead
it’s a double problem, I’m tired of having all these walls around myself, i want to be able to open up and love people but I’m afraid of being inappropriate or crossing some boundary that i am not supposed to or don’t even know about. everyone talks about love or sexual attraction or friendship and all those things, i hardly even know the difference between any of it
and yes, i talked to a priest, he seems confused as to why I’m even asking him.
please continue to pray for me, i may just being having another one of my OCD episodes