I’ve come to the realization that even though I have many friends and family, I can’t really count on them for religious advice. Those that are catholics don’t follow the rules of the Church. The biggest thing they support is birth control. My mother had me on pills since I was sixteen. Because I was on them, everytime I tried to get off them w-]/-]hen I was married, I tried doing naturally and I failed. Everyone I talk to say they are on birth control or they did a vacetomy or had their tubes tied. When I tell people that I want more children, they say I am crazy. I always wanted to be in a family with husband and children. I was married and had two children but got divorced because my ex wanted out. I tried everything. He used to be a good catholic but then he divorced me and is now married to the woman he cheated on me with. Now, we were divorced before he met her, but I went back with him to see if we can work it out. Then he met her and got her pregnant.
I never really had good guidance. My mother never taught me the ways of the church. My father is in another country. I am living in sin that i don’t know how to get out. I live with a man who fathered my third child. He is married in Mexico. He is verbally abusive and dosen’t go to church. I need him though because I can’t live alone. I have adhd and considered disabled although ssi hasn’t confirmed it yet. I can’t keep a job for too long and I need someone to help me with rent. I do want more children but I want to be married to a good man who is faithful to the church but I also want to get closer to the church and to God. I need help. there are churches were I live, but I don’t know if the priests would understand what I go through or if they will condemn me. I am lost and scared.