Feeling Badly and bad but i dont know what to do (nothing)?


i got emotionally involved witha person 3 yrs ago

i am HAPPILY married - this is/was a distraction that grew too large because i admit i am not occupied enough wiith life

anyway it got a bit crazy i did NOT sleep with the person it was mostly online diatribes (alot because i drink) ane he was happy enough with that

i still cannot let go tho and my last talk with him online was hideously graphic about him being gay and all the details of what he wanted

needless to say it turned me sick

i still want tell this person off but i know it is best to let it go-his bragging about his experience and my being gullible to his lies makes me so mad i could spit but i need to let it go for my sake and my husband’s sake (and his too because i need to forgive)

i never slept with another from my husband and somedays it makes me feel like a freak when i know i should be proud but these days it is a mark of never having lived? but maybe that is my own point of view

i would never risk it anymore than i have and i am sad i have risked it at all

thanks i know this is long,



First know that I am praying for you.The Devil came to kill,steal and destroy,Jesus came to give Life.I know its hard for all of us to admit sins.You have shown courage in admitting sin.We serve a God who Loves and desires to forgive us.Lord God,in your goodness have mercy on me,do not look on my sins,but take away all my guilt.Create in me a clean heart and renew within me an upright spirit.:signofcross:


I’d pray for his repentance, trust that Jesus will deal with this person in His own way, and let it go. This person was no friend to you, but rather someone that the devil used to mess with your life. I’d stay as far away from him as possible and “let sleeping dogs lie.” Even if you aren’t ready to forgive him now, you can still pray for the desire to forgive him. And try to forgive yourself for getting into this situation to begin with – that will help reduce your anger about the whole thing.

i never slept with another from my husband and somedays it makes me feel like a freak when i know i should be proud but these days it is a mark of never having lived? but maybe that is my own point of view

This feeling that you might have “missed out on something” is another of the devil’s lies. You are in a position that many would envy, despite what the world tries to tell you. Be proud indeed! :thumbsup: Here are some of the things you are really missing out on: shame, regret, feeling used, putting yourself at risk for STDs, and knowing that you shared yourself on such an intimate level with somebody who wouldn’t make a permanent commitment to you. All of that is hardly an even trade for getting your “jollies” with no strings attached. I’ve been around a lot of people for a lot of years, and I have never heard anyone say that they are sorry that they did NOT have sex with someone – but I have heard a lot of regrets from a lot of people about things they did do!

Stay strong, and God bless.


You are couragous to come here and ask for guidance. You came to a website that you hope is full of moral-thinking people because you are hoping for the moral answer which is to let this go and put more emotional energy into your marriage.

You know what is the right thing to do, but it will be a challenge to do it. Three years is a long time to keep something like this up. You are probably quite involved after so much time. You must pray for strength for yourself, and not just strength to never talk with this person again…but you must also pray for the strength to face your real life and resist the temptation to escape into a fantasy.

Remember you will be tempted to communicate with him. Try and resist all temptation to “tell him off” or “set him straight” or to “get your final word in”. All of it is completely meaningless. Everytime you get the urge to communicate…say to yourself “Jesus help me, Jesus help me, Jesus help me” and stay away from the computer.

I will pray for you. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to come here with you story. May God bless you.

  1. Never Talk to that person again.

  2. Pray

  3. Ask God’s forgiveness, talk to a priest/go to confession if you are Catholic.

  4. Don’t forget to forgive yourself

  5. Love you husband, yourself, and God more

I hope it works out! I will say a prayer for you! :slight_smile:



Sammi, along with the excellent advice you’ve already received, one thing must be added - stop drinking! If you continue to do so you will continue to make yourself vulnerable to the urges to contact this person.

God bless you in your struggle.


My advise would be change your e-mail adress & **do not **respnd in any way to this man!!! Does your husband know that you were chatting online? You stated that you were not involved with life. Not sure what you mean, but I am guessing you stay home a lot. Do you have children or work? You could return to school, volunteer & get out of the house. Do you attend Mass on a regular basis? Get involed at church. This man is not worth destroying your marriage over! You must ask forgivenesss & then forgive yourself. You mentioned that you drank. If you think you have a problem start going to AA & seek help.

You are in my prayers tonight! God Bless!


Are you depressed?

You may want to seek medical help and even a counselor for a few sessions, in addition to confession.

I will pray for you.


thank you all this was very helpful

i never thought i should forgive MYself ever but i like the idea i will go to confession as well but i usually do not go to church-i am a very reluctant re-turnee to the rcchurch

also saying “Jesus help me” is a very good idea tyvm!

i like my life and dont want to mess it up anymore i am thankful i have not

thanks again and i am very glad i posted here
i was a bit nervous but i knew i would find the moral and spiritual advice i need



I hope the best for you, truly!

I have had a hard time forgiving myself for many things, but do go to confession and know that Christ has forgiven you and therefore it is forgiven.
Forgiving ourselves is an act of humility as we submit ourselves to Christ.

Returning to Church may not be easy at first, but it was the best decision I have ever made…EVER! :wink:

It helps to read good spiritual books on how to progress and lead a holy life.

May God bless you!


canyou please edit my original post as follows-below tyvm


Sammi, maybe you are a bit bored? And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Have you tried to spice things up with your hubby? I’m not talking about bedroom stuff. You say you haven’t been intimate with the man online, but you obviously get “something” from him.

Does your hubby know about this?



it’s been awhile since I have been here-and re: my original post I had not contacted this other person in over a year

til last night

I dont even know why I did-I feel so bad i almost feel nauseous

I was DRUNK and was just going to say hi,
well i didnt just do that

i dont remember everything i said but i know i said a bunch of stuff i didnt mean and made promises i will never keep

I have no desire to contact this person again-and any old attraction is way over

do i owe him any apology or explanation (re: broken promises)? my inclination is to just stay away

i think i am bored-i KNOW i am actually

my husband is wonderful to me and i love him, sometimes he looks at other women (tv puter in real life, not alot but sometimes) maybe i do this out of spite-not healthy i know

I should have a long talk with my husband soon i think

advice appreciated tho



Pick up the phonebook, right this very second, and contact your nearest Alcoholics Anonymous group. Then go, as soon as you can physically manage. If you’re doing things that literally make you sick to think of them, while drunk, then your drinking is clearly a massive problem.

That’s one thing you can do immediately while you’re deciding how to tell your husband. Then talk to your priest, perhaps, or seek other counselling, about how and what to tell your husband.


I agree with Lily. If you do things when drunk that, when you’re sober, you hate - but you haven’t cut back on your drinking - then you have a problem with drinking.

Look at it this way. How many of the things you deeply regret happened when you were drunk - and wouldn’t have happened if you had been sober? If removing the booze removes the problem, then booze is the problem.

And if reading this sends you into a tizzy where you say that booze isn’t the problem, then booze is the problem.

Been there, done that. PM me if you want.

To God be the glory,

Ruthie (sober alcoholic)


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