I’ve been with DH for almost 8 years, married for 2 and a half. I have a 10 year old that has considered him as “dad for almost 7 years” and we have an almost 5 year old and a five month old.
I always thought I could trust my husband completely. Always considered myself lucky that he wasn’t one of those guys that would look at, seek out, or use porn. Never ever thought he would.
Although he is baptized Catholic and went to Catholic schools and I am in the long process of converting, I practice the faith while he is a bit clueless about it. That’s another story, the point is I go to church and he doesn’t. So yesterday when I get home from Church (of all places!) with all the kids, I sit down at the computer and find two browsers open (but minimized) to different porn sites. I was devastated to say the least. He admitted he had been looking at it, apologized, said he loves me, would never cheat on me, lots of hugs, etc etc. It really bothered me, still does. I cried myself to sleep last night. Today I told him I felt like I had caught him cheating with a cyber w***e, and he said something along the lines of it was silly to feel that way, that he looked at porn, and life goes on. I’m not sure I trust him not to do it again and just be more careful not to get caught. My ex-husband has a really bad addiction to porn and it’s a big part in what ended our very short marriage. (and DH knows that!). Now I don’t want DH to touch me or see me naked. I don’t look like those girls and never will, nor do I want to! His excuse was that he has needs, and he wants to be with me, but he’s afraid of having another child. I love him with all my heart but feel so betrayed and angry. He has time to do that, but no ‘energy’ after work all week to help out around the house…I can’t leave him, I do love him with all my heart and it would devastate our kids. So how do I get over this???