So I’ve been discerning for sometime now. At first it was just a feeling I had, came and went, and struggled with it. I found an order that I felt I was destined for, The Little Sisters of the Poor. I took care of grandmother for awhile and have a genuine love for the elderly and the poor (their fourth vow is hospitality to the elderly poor, I also lived in a lay hospitality house for several months and loved the work). Over the past year I spent several weekends with the Sisters working in their homes and unofficially discerning.
It seems just about everything that brought doubts to my mind about becoming a Little Sister has faded away, accept one, my mother. My mother works, she is able-bodied, but she is against me becoming a sister. She is against me moving out again period (for insight I’m 24). She is not religious at all, and struggles with even simple beliefs despite being raised Catholic. At this point she has also pushed away all our family and friends basically beyond repairing relationships. When I moved back in after the passing of my grandmother, which was not suppose to be permanent, I was literally ushered into having to be depended on for paying for another apartment with her and my brother. (Which has yet to happen, I do contribute to the rent for the apt I currently share with her of course). This happened last December, my mother is still heavily grieving because she had a very close relationship with my grandmother, and the circumstances in which she died this is yet another reason why I feel like I can’t abandon her. I think it would be good if she lived with my brother but they don’t always get along so this is another concern of mine.
I don’t want to abandon my mother, and she is constantly battling depression. I feel like it is my responsibility as her only daughter to care for her when she is elderly as we did my grandmother. But the sisters assured me she will always be able to live in one of their homes even though it may not be the one I will reside at .
Am I being selfish for wanting to pursue religious life? Or am I enabling my mother?
I will talk to my confessor about this again but I figured Id ask for some outsider insight.
PS Two Bible verses that HIGHLY confuse me on the matter:
Matthew 10:37-38 Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 15: 3-6 3Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? 4For God said: ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’5But you say that if anyone says to his father or mother, ‘The help you would have received from me has been given to God,’ 6he need not honor his father or mother with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.