Feeling down and lonely.

Hey CAF people.

Today, like days in my past, I’ve felt lonely and forgotten even within groups in my parish which I’ve grown fond of and don’t want to leave. I feel like some of my friendships with some people have been destroyed all because of my expectations and they’ve never gone through, not even a little bit interested in me and how I feel or doing. I definitely feel alone as someone trying to live the faith the best way I can and feel very discouraged and like I’m failing, especially when I just want the warmth and company of a friend. I feel like a “lone Catholic” and just so out of touch with those around me…just pray for me. There’s a lot of caring and loving people on here, I know a lot (at least most) of you are. Please pray for me. I don’t want to become selfish when it comes to things like this, but I just can’t help it. It pushes me even more away from those who are just ignorant of what they do and don’t realize that little things such as not sharing or talking hurts. I can’t always be the one who initiates a conversation or something, especially when the other person isn’t interested in what I have to say and not wanting to show affection. :frowning:

I’m actually s guy in my late teen years and I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this but…I can’t help it.

Juan.

Dear Lord Jesus Please show your mercy to this young teen who facing problem. May the precious blood of Jesus covers you, protect and deliver them. May you get new life through Jesus. With him all things were possible.Dear God, I ask this through Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

I’m so sorry it’s been so hard for you.

If you stay on CAF long enough, you will definitely begin to notice that although you may feel alone, you definitely are not. What I mean is that there are a lot of people who are feeling as lonely as you are, possibly. I bet dollars to donuts that there may even be some lonely foks even in some of these groups you are going to.

Too bad there wasn’t an easier way for all these lonely people to find each other and realize they weren’t the only ones feeling this way.

In 8th grade, I got voted “quietest”, and I really should have had that in high school, too, but I don’t think they knew I was there ;).

Although I didn’t talk much, I wanted so very much to connect with others my age. I just was just so terribly shy. I cried a lot from loneliness, truth be told. I’d be in a group yet feel so alone.

I know at that age, I wasn’t very good at taking the initative in conversations, feeling something like you’re feeling now that what people didn’t care about what I had to say. So, much of the time, though I desperately wanted to have friends, I often was just quiet, instead, probably fearing rejection. I had very low self confidence, and that doesn’t help when trying to make friends.

I’d say that if you can’t connect in these groups, to try other groups, even if they aren’t necessarily with the Church, just with something you have in common.

As I’ve gotten older (I’m 50, now), I’ve done a little better in that now I will initiate conversations.

What helped me a lot was in college I took a speech class, and the teacher said the number 2 fear was of death and nuclear holocaust, things of that nature, and that public speaking was the number one fear.

I was a social work major, and I noticed that he treated public speaking as a phobia! Now, I realize these teens aren’t giving a public speech over a microphone, but some are probably a little nervous in group situations. Some of them will probably eventually outgrow some of this, but in the meantime, the situation is what it is.

I remember when I was in school taking a French class, and I basically had an “A”, but if you didn’t participate, you’d lose a full letter grade. I feared rejection so badly then that I preferred to take a “B” rather than even risk it! I think I got this way as a result of being teased a lot in school.

Anyway, the speech class later in college helped me greatly. In fact, I took this class, because I knew in grad school, in a class I’d need to talk in front of the class for a presentation an entire hour! My previous attempts at talking were disastrous. Anyway, I took this class, and it helped change my life. I will probably never be a social butterfly, but after I took that class, I sang solo over a microphone at church, once. I was able to even do a little teaching.

However, I look back and remember how hard speaking was for me. I really appreciated it when others could take the lead, and I will tell you that at least in my particular case, the fact I didn’t initiate had nothing to do with interest or lack of. It had to do with my own insecurities at that stage.

At least some of the people in these groups could even be wrestling with their own issues, so I hope you won’t take it personally if that’s ever the case.

Again, looking back, it must have been quite brutal for anyone trying to befriend me, since I didn’t talk, really!

Do you have some interests that you could find a club with people sharing the same interests?

I have a lot of difficulty connecting and being on the same wavelength as other people. I remember my family assuring me it’d be easier in college, and socially, it was for some reason. When I got to college, I thought I died and went to heaven in the sense there were just so many people around that eventually I found friends from clubs I was in or my major.

Loneliness sounds like something so tame and lame, but it’s one of the most difficult things to deal with, in my opinion, because we weren’t designed to live like that. What we all have in common is that every one of the people in these groups wants to be respected, loved, and cared about.

Mother Teresa said she thought the worst poverty of all was that of feeling unloved. She put it up there even above physical hunger.

Even at my age, I still wrestle with loneliness. At different stages of your life, you will probably wrestle again and again with loneliness. Some of the loneliest people, believe it or not, ARE in relationships and married, even. So, just because one is in a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily protect us from loneliness.

I wish there were something I could do to help you, but I just hope this stage passes quickly and that you can find some real friends, soon. God bless you.

I often see on the news a report of a person (sometimes old, sometimes not) who died alone in their house or apartment and was not found for weeks/months (sometimes >6 months) later by someone who happened to drop in for something. I think the issue is the length of time it took to realise they were missing or had died.

It happens in the cities and in the suburbs. When hearing this, I often wonder who’s fault it was that this situation occurred. Was it the fault of the person who died alone (due to their shyness/social phobia etc) or was it the fault of their neighbours/community who just didn’t care to bother with them? :blush: sins of omission?

People of all ages feel lonely and even live lonely lives. It’s gotten worse in our times. There are more lonely people each day. People just get lost in cities. I think its easier to get a “one night stand” than to make a friend or talk to a nice stranger. I know what you mean by feeling lonely in your group. It happens all the time. Also, people will let you down now and then, because none of us are perfect or infinite. But God will always be there.

My advice is to spend more time with God as well as to find ways of meeting more people that you can develop sincere caring friendships with. Also, it helps to take the focus off of yourself. Focus on something or someone else. The more we focus on ourselves and pity ourselves the worse the loneliness gets. We’re not meant to dwell on our unfortunate circumstances. We’re meant to go out and help others.

Say, had you ever considered volunteering, say?

I started volunteering to volunteer, make friends that way.

Will pray for you. The Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen once said on a television broadcast that at one time in his university days he found himself being lonely too and it stopped when he went out into the streets and found a family living in the streets (in a cardboard like house I think?) and helped them.

Also have a look at this: (the print may be a bit hard to read, but your determination will reward you)
news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1928&dat=19650327&id=ykEpAAAAIBAJ&sjid=rWYFAAAAIBAJ&pg=3296,3855007

Praying for your intentions.

You will be in my thoughts, Juan. :slight_smile:

Praying for you.

My prayers are with you.

I offer these prayers for Juan, who feels lonely. :grouphug:

A prayer to St. Rita when in special need

O powerful St. Rita, rightly called Saint of the Impossible, we come to you with confidence in Juan’s great need. You know well his trials, for you yourself were many times burdened in this life. Come to his help, speak for him, pray with him, intercede on his behalf before the Father. I know that God has a most generous heart and that he is a most loving Father. St. Rita, your prayers to ours and obtain for us the grace he desires (an end to loneliness and rejection at his church). Through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen

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**Our Lady of Mental Peace **

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility and
Mother of Hope,
look upon Juan in this time
of disquiet and weakness.

Still his restless spirit,
teach his searching heart to know
that God’s love for him
is unchanging and that the suffering
which He may will for Juan now
is to draw him closer to Jeus.

Let thy gentle peace and His —
which the world cannot give —
be always with Juan, that he may
be sanctified: and then:
I beseech thee
for the grace for Juan to bring this
peace to others.

Jesus, My Savior, let Juan give myself
entirely to Thee through Mary:

Our Lady of Mental Peace,
pray for us!
Amen

+++++++++

Juan, our brother in Christ, may you find friendships in the church. And may to feel free to keep bringing your prayers to your brothers and sisters at the CAF prayer board.

God be with you!

Amen

+++++++++++

:crossrc:

Praying that the Lord may grant you all necessary graces and enable you to find good friends.

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

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