You’re living my life, sweetheart. Welcome to the perpetual nightmare of student loans. My husband and I both work for the same university, and we have a (not so funny) joke between us that all three of our kids (8, 2 and 8 mo) will graduate for free on our tuition benefit before we finish paying off our student loans.
Hey, look on the bright side, at least you figured it out NOW! I was all set to stay home with our first, and when she was 11 weeks old, my husband lost his job. That was 8 years ago, and I haven’t stopped working since. However, we really have made significant headway with our loans, and are now in the final throes of payment. We’ll be done probably within 18 months, God Willing.
So although this completely changes your life, it doesn’t make it impossible. Your best way to live with this is to change your mindset NOW, before baby comes. Otherwise coping will be a nightmare. I have asked GOd more times than I can count, Why why why? Why, when so many couples are aborting and contracepting and choosing career over family and handing their kids care over to strangers, why, when you have someone here who is dying to stay home with the kids and raise a big ol’ family, the old fashioned way, why? Well, resistance is futile with the Lord, and you just have to pray for peace. Ask God to give you peace with whatever His will is, and then you will be able to cope with anything. Ask Him for the grace to handle whatever He has in mind for you. You can never say that prayer enough!!!
The part time/work from home thing is great, but remember how hard it can be to get work done with a needy infant on your hands. When each of my kids were born, I could barely get the chance to eat a PBJ, much less accomplish paid work in the house. Baby smells you and knows your proximity, and that can be a hinderance to working at home. Wearing baby in a sling would help a lot, but it’s tough when they are really young, they don’t fit in it so well. My youngest (now 8 mo) will not allow me to do anything from the moment I get home until we go to bed. If I’m in the house, he won’t go to anyone, not even DH.
Also, try to create a hopeful attitude for yourself about this. It will serve two purposes: 1. Will help you see the good in what working will accomplish for your family, 2. Is absolutely necessary to help stave off depression before baby is even born. If you get PPD, like I did, having a defeatist attitude is spiritually lethal.
Just remember, only YOU are called to walk in your shoes. You are making decisions and sacrifices for your family, which is all part of motherhood. It’s just motherhood in a different era…sigh… I’m one of the most traditional, orthodox people on these boards, and I face this working motherhood every day, it’s not what I wanted or pictured. Some of the people on these boards will, under the guise of traditionalism, sometimes speak uncharitably of working motherhood. If you encounter that, here or anywhere else, let it roll off your back. God is omnipotent and omniscient, and in His creation, there is more than one way to be a good mom!!!
God bless you sweetheart, you’ll get through this, and it will be just fine. DH has to help out too, and really work hard at finding the best paying job he can, so that you don’t flounder for years in the same situation (like me, ha ha…my DH never actually finished his degree, so we are paying for loans for education that really isn’t ever going to benefit him, career-speaking, that is.)
Pray to St. Joseph to help your family. He is such a powerful intercessor! And hang in there. Try to keep from focusing on your disappointment and focus on the joy that is coming with the birth of your baby! You will be in my prayers. (((lotusblossom)))