[quote=Michelle in KC]A very wise friend of mine comforted me when I expressed my feelings of sorrow at not having the same amount of time for each of my children after having two.
I expressed to him that I always had time to read to my dd#1 and work with her on letters, colors, numbers, etc. I told him how I felt that I was short-changing the younger one because I just don’t have the same amount of time.
Here’s what he said to me: “It’s true that you had more time for dd#1 when she was little. Sure, you don’t have the same amount of time now for her or your other dd#2. However, you helped God to give them each other. Sarah never had a big sister to show her the ropes, but Danielle has a big sister. And, now Sarah has a play-mate that she didn’t have before.”
Honestly, it’s hard when they are so little, but now mine are 4 and 2 and they play together ALL the time and Danielle talks much more than Sarah did at her age and knows her letters and things…and you know what? Sarah does most of the teaching!
YOu are feeling normal things, but I guess my point is that you shouldn’t let yourself get bogged down with it. They have each other AND you and your DH. They are very lucky children.
It always strikes me as odd when I hear people say “I’d feel so bad not having 100% of myself to give to Tyler, or Joey or whoever” – I agree completely with the text above – my kids MISS eachother – they fight 90% of the time when they’re together, but when my 4yo is at school, my 2yo keeps asking for him, and wanting to go get him, and this morning even came up to me and said “Go get bruddah at cool??” – you have given them eachother, and that is a precious gift in and of itself…keep in mind, this 150% mothering is only for a few months, a year, and then you can back off a bit (meaning no eating every two hours, napping every two hours, etc…there’s more time to do things together all of you b/c baby is more self-sufficient and can participate in more, kwim?) – I just never worried about it, I knew I would have enough love for both, b/c you don’t have a finite amount of love to give, and that’s one of the best parts of motherhood in my mind – how big your heart grows with every day…and just when you think it’s about to burst, it grows some more, and you find yourself thinking “I never knew I could love sooooo much!”
It will take adjusting, and letting your hormones “run out” as my DH likes to say…no doubt that is having some part in this too…give yourselves time to adjust and recognize the times when #1 needs an extra hug/book/bath, whatever. It will work out, and they will be better people for having eachother!!