Feeling guilty of premarital sex


#1

Hi, I made an account here just to ask this.

I’m a devout Catholic, 26 yrs old guy. My girlfriend is a non-practicing Catholic (typical young european nowadays). Since we’ve been together, I’ve tried to support her to regain her faith. I do it slowly though, since I know she hasn’t been going to church for quite a long time. We go to church together every Sunday, pray together, etc.

In many occassions we tried to resist physical temptations. But recently we just couldn’t hold it any longer, and had fallen to it several times. I felt guilty, my girlfriend didn’t. We talked about it. She felt it was a normal physical affection and that it’s alright to share that between us. Somehow, I agree to that too.

My conscience is eating me right now. Here’s my dilemma: If I push her that it’s not okay to have premarital sex, I’m afraid that she will not continue to practice Catholicity anymore. I want to build a Catholic family with her, and gosh, it’s really difficult to find a practicing catholic girlfriend nowadays, let alone a really devout one.


#2

[quote="prazzt, post:1, topic:298983"]
Hi, I made an account here just to ask this.

I'm a devout Catholic, 26 yrs old guy. My girlfriend is a non-practicing Catholic (typical young european nowadays). Since we've been together, I've tried to support her to regain her faith. I do it slowly though, since I know she hasn't been going to church for quite a long time. We go to church together every Sunday, pray together, etc.

In many occassions we tried to resist physical temptations. But recently we just couldn't hold it any longer, and had fallen to it several times. I felt guilty, my girlfriend didn't. We talked about it. She felt it was a normal physical affection and that it's alright to share that between us. Somehow, I agree to that too.

My conscience is eating me right now. Here's my dilemma: If I push her that it's not okay to have premarital sex, I'm afraid that she will not continue to practice Catholicity anymore. I want to build a Catholic family with her, and gosh, it's really difficult to find a practicing catholic girlfriend nowadays, let alone a really devout one.

[/quote]

You are not directly responsible for her soul. You are directly responsible for your own. Stop now and remain chaste until marriage (whether to her or to someone else).


#3

You stated that your girlfriend is non-practicing -- do you feel that by having premarital relations with her that she will somehow suddenly decide to practice the faith and stop having sex with you? Considering you said she doesn't feel guilty about this (having premarital sex), I don't see that happening. You said that you're afraid that by not having sex with her, she'll stop practicing the faith, but she's already stopped practicing the faith! What I see happening is BOTH of you headed down a very rocky road and you really need to stop and decide which is more important: what your girlfriend wants (and you, too, obviously) or what God wants.

If you want to build a Catholic family with this woman, you need to BOTH get to confession and NOT be having sex before marriage anymore. There's a right way and a wrong way to do it! Just my :twocents: I am praying for you both!


#4

[quote="Luigi_Daniele, post:2, topic:298983"]
You are not directly responsible for her soul. You are directly responsible for your own. Stop now and remain chaste until marriage (whether to her or to someone else).

[/quote]

This. You still have a conscience, while she is ignoring hers if she ever formed a proper conscience. This girl is not concerned about your soul, while you ARE concerned for hers. Do her and yourself a favor and stop the physical contact. What happens after that, who knows, but you won't have to go to confession over it.

Is she using artificial birth control? Another sin. What if she gets pregnant? :eek: Would she have an abortion? You have to consider all of these questions. Sex is meant for marriage, not just for pleasure. You are fornicating, which is a mortal sin. Please stop now. Go to confession ASAP. You know better than this.


#5

[quote="Luigi_Daniele, post:2, topic:298983"]
You are not directly responsible for her soul. You are directly responsible for your own. Stop now and remain chaste until marriage (whether to her or to someone else).

[/quote]

It is NORMAL PHYSICAL AFFECTION. However, as you know, it is the province of marriage.

As others have said, please go to confession. If you can get your girlfriend to go also, that would be a wonderful blessing from God. But you know that you cannot continue this now.

Time for serious discussion with the GF.


#6

[quote="fastenatingguy, post:5, topic:298983"]
It is NORMAL PHYSICAL AFFECTION. However, as you know, it is the province of marriage.
.

[/quote]

Sorry, but you lost me. :confused::o


#7

[quote="Luigi_Daniele, post:6, topic:298983"]
Sorry, but you lost me. :confused::o

[/quote]

I think he meant of course sex is NORMAL, but in marriage ONLY!:)


#8

[quote="JeraldW, post:7, topic:298983"]
I think he meant of course sex is NORMAL, but in marriage ONLY!:)

[/quote]

Ahh, OK. Thanks! :thumbsup:


#9

[quote="prazzt, post:1, topic:298983"]
My conscience is eating me right now. Here's my dilemma: If I push her that it's not okay to have premarital sex, I'm afraid that she will not continue to practice Catholicity anymore. I want to build a Catholic family with her, and gosh, it's really difficult to find a practicing catholic girlfriend nowadays, let alone a really devout one.

[/quote]

There are a few important points to be made.

First, one the sex starts in a relationship, it's unlikely to stop without changing the relationship in a major way. Oftentimes that means the relationship comes to an end.

Second, respect for each other is very important. If you say no, she should understand. That understanding could mean no sex, or it could mean that you agree to disagree and she leaves.

Third, faith is extremely important, because their could be major relationship difficulties if one party practices and the other doesn't. It becomes even more problematic when children are involved.

IMHO, if you can't work this out, it might be time to move on. Pandering on major issues never has good results. Obviously ending a relationship is always heartbreaking, but the results can be even more devastating if the break-up comes later down the road.


#10

[quote="Luigi_Daniele, post:6, topic:298983"]
Sorry, but you lost me. :confused::o

[/quote]

Sorry, others explained it right. Good info in this thread, please take it to heart.

Sex, physical attraction etc are normal. I tried (but failed) at making that point. Sometimes on these boards, people SEEM a little confused about this part of the equation.

But we need to keep this gift in marriage, where it belongs. Not always an easy thing to do,as you are aware. There is a remedy for this in confession.


#11

Thanks for the answers,

Right now I'm thinking what's the best way to bring about this subject to her in a smooth way, since I can't risk losing this relationship (psychologically, been going through some rough moments, and she's been a great help).

I feel the general tone in this thread is so black and white (stop now, tell her). I wouldn't even asked if it was that simple. Or maybe you guys think it's simple, simply wrong ? I need to save both the relationship and my faith. From your answers, It's very clear now how to save my faith, less clear on the relationship part. But well, this is a Catholic forum anyway.

Hummm, thanks anyway, your answers have awaken me. I'll take some time to prepare mentally before confronting this problem. Hope everything will turn out okay. God Bless.


#12

I don't know you well. One thing to consider is whether she really CAN be brought around to the faith---can she? Really?

IF NOT, then take a deep breath and remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. You can find another girlfriend, perhaps one even supportive of your faith, this most critical dimension of your life.

In your shoes, I would try to get her to mass, talk to her about it, etc. I wouldn't give up. It would be important to make sure your conversation stayed on the faith, and didn't become a big talk merely about sex. . . in that case, she simply would never understand you. The faith comes first and certainly influences the way you understand sex.

But you should, at this point in your life, be willing and able to call it quits, cut your losses, and move on, if she is intractable. Tough situation for you.


#13

Since you are worried about the relationship (physical) and your faith (spiritual) my suggestion is for you to seek out a spiritual director; who you could both see together, it could be an opportunity for her to understand your faith too; do think about it.

All the best.


#14

[quote="prazzt, post:11, topic:298983"]
Thanks for the answers,

Right now I'm thinking what's the best way to bring about this subject to her in a smooth way, since I can't risk losing this relationship (psychologically, been going through some rough moments, and she's been a great help).

I feel the general tone in this thread is so black and white (stop now, tell her). I wouldn't even asked if it was that simple. Or maybe you guys think it's simple, simply wrong ? I need to save both the relationship and my faith. From your answers, It's very clear now how to save my faith, less clear on the relationship part. But well, this is a Catholic forum anyway.

Hummm, thanks anyway, your answers have awaken me. I'll take some time to prepare mentally before confronting this problem. Hope everything will turn out okay. God Bless.

[/quote]

Be honest about how you feel and go to confession. Ask for the priests advice. God bless you, I'll be praying for you!


#15

If you love her and intend to marry her. Marry her now. Problem solved.

This is why there used to be chaperones because the temptation is just to great for anyone to resist.


#16

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