Feeling Heavy-Hearted

Feel free to move this if it’s not in the appropriate section! Sometimes things seem like they could fit in more than one category. Also, I am sorry this is so long. There is just a lot that needs to be explained.

I’ve mentioned in a few threads about how I am a Catholic who has returned after an absence of about a decade. I have gone back to confession, begun praying mostly regularly, and now attend mass regularly. Please, please, please understand that I am not fabricating any details here. I know it could easily sound like I’m just making this all up.

As I’ve gotten closer to my faith, I’ve had a few upsetting, and a few uplifting, experiences. While I was working on my BS Mathematics, I had a couple weeks where I started to feel tired, cold, easily irritable, etc. One day I got into an argument with a friend and stormed back to my dorm room. I was so angry I started punching my door (made of metal), until I felt a pop in my hand. After collapsing onto my bed I asked God for help because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Suddenly I felt a warmth throughout my body. I had energy again. However, at the same time I heard a laugh that I can only describe as wicked. I checked with the people in the adjacent dorms and nobody else heard anything.

I got married right out of college, and while my wife and I were married sacramentally in the Church, I still wasn’t living out my faith as much as I should have been. I woke up one evening and looked over at my wife. Something didn’t feel right, and for some reason it looked darker than usual in the direction of my wife. I decided to say a prayer asking for some help and as soon as I had finished and said, “Amen,” a door across the hall slammed shut. It was already closed, and it was the only night it’s ever happened. My wife woke up terrified because of the noise and had me search the house, which I was not comfortable doing since I knew what had transpired just prior to the slamming door!

Another night, I was laying in bed and knew my wife was washing up in the restroom. I opened my eyes and saw she had moved to the bedroom, and was standing at the end of the bed. It was dark, so it almost looked like a shadow. After a few moments I started to feel very uneasy and called out to my wife. She didn’t respond so I called out again, and again. Finally she answered, but she was still in the restroom. As a sinking feeling came over me the figure rushed at me. I panicked, heart racing, and my wife came in wondering what was wrong.

That continued for three more nights - only instead I woke up in the middle of the night, and realized my wife was asleep beside me instead of being in the restroom. The figure was at the end of the bed, then beside the bed right next to me, and then finally kneeling down on the bed, on all fours, just staring at me. I was visiting at my parents and saw they had a crucifix that wasn’t up on a wall. They said they had just gotten it, but didn’t really need it, and asked if I would like to take it home with me. Since I didn’t have any religious items at that time, I took it and put it up in my bedroom. The apparitions stopped coming after that.

After volunteering for my parish youth camp, I got home and was staying at my sister’s house. It was the first night home, and I woke up in the middle of the night with what appeared to be sleep paralysis. It was the only night it’s ever happened to me. I was laying on my stomach and felt as though I was being pressed into the bed. I was able to call out to my wife, although it was labored (explainable via sleep paralysis or the less pleasant alternative). After a few moments I was able to move again (once again explainable by either explanation). I woke my wife up in a panic, needless to say!

A few months ago, I finally made the decision to really come back to the Church. I have since become increasingly exhausted, both mentally and physically. I have been to the hospital to try to sort out my symptoms, and I appear to be completely fine. I have considered pursuing the matter from a spiritual perspective, but I still have doubts about whether or not there really is a just a medical/psychological explanation. After all, we are to have both faith and reason, and I can’t rule out the possibility that there’s some disorder or syndrome, just as I can’t rule out the possibility of a spiritual explanation.

Tonight, I was out with my roommate. We had gone over to a friend of his, and a card game came up - Cards Against Humanity, I think. It’s sort of like Apples to Apples, for those familiar, except with a wide array of cards (unfortunately including some vulgar ones). Strangely, as the only Catholic at the table out of several people, I drew the card “God.” Then I drew “The Blood of Christ.” (Really couldn’t believe that was a card in the game!) And lastly, I drew “Demonic Possession.” Given the sheer number of cards, and the number of people playing, I figured the odds to be somewhere around 0.1% to 0.3% that I should have drawn all three of those cards. (Studying to get my MS in Mathematics now, so I’m fairly confident the odds are pretty close).

It could all be coincidence - my symptoms and experiences could perhaps a medical explanation that just hasn’t been found yet. After tonight’s coincidence I’m pretty upset, needless to say. I don’t know if I’m going nuts or if there really could be something going on here. I would love to hear your thoughts on this - and also would greatly appreciate your prayers that I get this all sorted out - regardless of the cause.

These things are not unheard of. If you think that something out of the ordinary is going on please talk to a priest asap. Have your home blessed. (This is a nice Catholic custom, and not just related to problems of possession). If weird things carry on even after the blessing, you might be sent to speak to someone who deals with this kind of thing. It is important for you and your wife to stay close to the scaraments: go to confession and got to mass often. Purge your life of what is not holy and strive to be free of sin.

God bless you!

I agree with the post about talking with a good priest ASAP.

Also, do you keep some bottles of Holy Water and containers of blessed salt around? And use them?

And also, keep a blessed rosary with you always. And have your Bible blessed. And get a copy of the St. Michael the Archangel prayer and say it frequently. Say the rosary frequently. And go to adoration as often as possible and discuss this with Our Father. And receive the sacraments as often as possible.

And, and also, get some good solid Catholic books about the presence of evil in the world like The Dogma of Hell by Fr. F.X. Schouppe, S.J., with How To Avoid Hell by Thomas A. Nelson, The Deceiver by Livio Fanzaga, Evidence of Satan in the Modern World by Leon Cristiani, and The Antichrist by Vincent P. Miceli, S.J., to name some that’ve helped me.

It helps to remember too to take a look at a Crucifix. Evil has been defeated by our Lord.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. Please pray for me.

This is a common form of spiritual warfare. Have your house blessed by a priest. Remain faithful to the sacraments. Keep holy water around. Hang a crucifix in every room (have those and rosaries blessed also).
I have experienced this and it is terrifying. But, as a Christian you ARE protected. Normally these demons are unable to actually touch you. Have no fear but throw them out each time by invoking the power of Jesus’ name.

As others have stated, this is not entirely uncommon. Much of the world wishes to believe this does not exist, but we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary who wants us to not serve his enemy. Spiritual warfare is real, and it is constantly going on around us. This is why we each have an angel to protect us, even! The activities you describe are not unheard of. But on top of that, the feelings you describe are equally characteristic of spiritual attack.

My advice to you is this. Do not be afraid. Be confident going forward in the promise of Christ. Speak to your priest for help. He will bless your home and bless your family. I have come through this and I am standing on the other side right now, so please do heed my advice. Do not give the Evil one any more attention or credit than he deserves. He will feed off of it. The more you think of it, the stronger it will become. That was my experience. Think of Christ. Think of what is holy and good, and all that is evil will eventually cower in fear. And, if all of us (including you) happen to be wrong and this is just in your head or an over active imagination (which I am not saying it is.), then no additional harm is done. We can always turn our hearts and minds toward Christ. :slight_smile:

You will be ok. Be strong. I am praying for you and your family. :hug3:

You are not alone, nor crazy. You and I should talk sometime. :slight_smile:

My only suggestion is to say “In the name of Jesus, I renounce the spirit of…(name the attribute of the spirit such as jealousy, terror, fear, lust, etc).” I am assuming you pulled the “Blood of Jesus” card because praying the Blood of Jesus will protect you.

Your guardian angel may have sent you that message. Demons are easily conquered with the name of Jesus.

Thank you for not just saying I’m nuts or something. The coincidences just keep building, only this time it was a good one. I had music looping on my computer when I went to sleeping, and I muted it once I was very tired. After finally pulling myself out of bed I unmuted the speakers and didn’t hear anything, so I turned up the volume (I had it quite low). Before I could turn on my monitors to see if the music was still going, the chorus from a Mumford and Sons song started playing.

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cause oh they gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we’ll be alright”

Given the amount of music in this looping playlist, either coincidences are building up or perhaps someone was trying to tell me something. It might be a small thing, but the hope I just got was quite needed. :slight_smile:

I will see to getting my rosary blessed. It was a gift from a devout family member when my grandmother passed away - but I don’t know if she said it was blessed yet or not. I will also see to getting my bible blessed, and also into getting holy water to have in the house. I truly appreciate your replies, and will take your advice to heart. I will be looking into reading on the matter after I’ve completely my current book - tackling Life of Christ - it’s pretty engaging! I also talked to my dad about this, and apparently he is no stranger to spiritual warfare - the things you learn about your parents!

God bless you all for your support here.

I don’t think you are crazy.

Sometimes, thoughts or words come into my head unbidden, at the worst possible times. I will say, “Satan, be gone! I am a child of God and I love Him. You are not welcomed here!” Then I’ll say a prayer, and refocus on the Lord.

Having had my own evil visions, encounters with good and bad, I will not discount your experiences. Just remember, God is always with us, and HE will always be the victor!

Christina

Your wife heard the door slam as well, isn’t that correct? So we must be dealing with more than mere psychological phenomenon here. I’d speak with a traditional priest if I were you.

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