Im a depressed young girl with a toddler. All i need is prayers, a miracle for my daughters parents, and my anxiety. My prayers go out to poeple with worse problems than mine.but I dont know where else to go.
This is my story to those who are kind to help me out and read:
I was diagnosed with depression at age 10 and i guess ever since then i just learned to kind of cope with it.. well not really since i was a bad teen. I drank alcohol every day at school but i am proud to say my mom always prayed for me and i was eventually saved.
God saved me from losing myself and he saved me from drugs. I still though have depression/anxiety/low self esteem/guilt but am smarter than before. Im barely 20. My dad is a depressed alcoholic so i probably got that from him. (The mental issues). And to make matters worse my ex is an alcoholic and he keeps saying he wants to change. Hes gotten better since we were first going out. He went from using drugs and drinking every day (with me) to quitting drugs completely but still needs to stop the alcohol completely. Hes slowed down on drinking but lies behind my back about drinking now. I stopped everything when i found out i was pregnant with our child. Havent drank since. We were On and off for four years because of his alcoholic rage. Violence. Im tired of it all. Now hes seeing a therapist but recently caught him in another lie. Then again another apology and begs for me to see him change. He hates himself for hurting me all the time, so he says. Hes a real good guy when hes sober apart from his jelousy that he learned to control. He says he'll never give up on me. And he'll get every help he needs . But he cant control his desire to drink. He wants to battle the devil. But the devil always wins. My mind is so out of control. Im angry at him for doing this to us. And hes angry at himself. Hes older than ito am. . Is readyu to getu his life straight..but I cant believe him anymore.
My poor 1 year old daughter had to see her father drunk in rage. And now sees depressed. I rather get help through God to relieve me from depression than to go through a psychiatrist. I need food for my spirit. I need patience. And guidence!!(hopefully i spelled that right). So how am i. Supposed to go to church more often or to retreats when i have to much anxiety to step outside of the house? Psychiatry vs religion is what i am trying to figure out right now. I wish to go to school but am too depressed. I wish to do everything ive been wanting to but am too lo w self esteemed. I need more patience with my daughter. Shes already showing signs of tantrums and short temper and i blame that on myself.
I recently gave up anxiety meds for lent for the faith that i wont need meds to feel confident.. I need more strength and faith. Its been tough for me. I dont know how "normal" feels like. I never knew how it felt like. I only worry about my daughter constantly and how all of this will affect her. I feel so bad for not being strong enough for her. I need prayers. Alot of prayers for her father who i would love to see change for our daughter. So she can have both parents in her life and grow up with good role models.
So much to read i know. Bless you who took their time to read it. Im Just a human being in need of help and dont know where to get it. I do believe god cures all sickness. Hes helped us this far. Why am i losing hope.. why am i feeling worse than ever.. whats wrong?