Feeling indifferent and cold

I grow tired of caring or pretending to care when I’m just a prideful, depraved person.

I can control my actions and pray to resist sin. Thoughts of pride and contempt — those I cannot control or will away.

By the time I realize it, it’s impossible to get out, and I’m stuck.

I don’t want thoughts of judgment, pride, envy, etc. Why do they persist?

Why does God allow it when He doesn’t like it, I don’t like having them?

I lose all desire for prayer because pride is the greatest of sin and where there is pride God is not present, so why would I even try to pray when no one’s going to listen?

At least with other sins I have committed, I had hope to amend my life. How can I have hope for something I cannot control?

Maybe it’s a tactic of the enemy to get me to doubt God and stop praying.

But why would it care? Not like I’m a holy person.

My attempts at the Christian life just feels like pretense and a facade.

Good Morning EIF5A,

These thoughts are part of our nature, and God created our nature, it serves us.

Thoughts of judging ourselves and others are part of the activity of our conscience, it serves as a guide. It is triggered automatically when people violate our rules or we violate our own rules. (self-violation triggers guilt, self-judgment) Notice that Jesus spent a lot more time talking about forgiveness than He talked about avoiding judging. We can’t stop the judging because it comes from a place in the mind that is faster than our “thinking” part of our brain. When we realize that we are judging, it is time to take the steps to forgive.

“Pride” is a very complex word. In part, it is desire for status and dominance and in part it is desire for autonomy. Our own resentment of pride is an action of the conscience, it is useful in keeping our desire for status, dominance, and autonomy “in check”. It is healing to know, though, that desire for autonomy, status. and dominance in themselves benefit us, they enhance our well-being. They are gifts from God. To say that “God does not like those thoughts” is a projection, it is equating God with our own conscience. God understands all that occurs in our minds, He does not resent or condemn.

Envy comes from a more simple place. By nature, we want what others have, it is a triggered phenomenon found in many mammalian species. God has given his creatures the desire to want things that others find good and useful, because it is a pretty good indication that what someone else finds good and useful we will also benefit from the same. When someone else gets to have something I can’t have, it seems unfair, and fairness is part of the conscience. When we have that desire for someone to be punished or feel anything negative toward someone, that reliable conscience is at it again!

As bizarre as it may seem, to me the best way of addressing the situation, then, is to observe and see the wonder of it all. We can observe what goes on in our minds. When we recoil to what we observe, we can observe the recoil. We can understand and forgive our nature, the source of our appetites and capacities, and see our loving Father’s hand in all that we are.

You’re wrong there. God is always present and always merciful. God’s mercy is bigger than your pride. Way bigger.

Let us pray that the Holy Spirit may knock down your pride a notch or two, and assist and guide you always toward faith, hope, and love.

This is good advice.
I would go to Adoration and contemplate the One who died for all of us…faithful and sinner alike.

Another thing that might help is to pay more attention to others and less to yourself. Step up your efforts to show love for the people around you. Listen to them and see that they too are struggling. Be kind. Be truthful. Look for small ways to help others.

If you spend a lot of time maintaining your online image, for example on facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc., try to cut back or take a long break from it, like a week or more.

When I feel that my thoughts are taking control of me. I take great comfort in knowing that the evil one is unable to hear my thoughts unless I give him permission to do so. When I am hurting, angry and discouraged I pray this little prayer.

Dear God, Place a shield around me so the evil can not sense my weakness and my fears and thereby use these ideas and thoughts against me. Please protect to me so that I can say what is in my heart and tell You and You alone my doubts, my fears, my sins, my failings, my discouragement and pain."

Then I allow these thoughts come to the surface and talk about them with God. He knows anyway so why pretend to Him. These thoughts are safe in God’s hands. Trust Him.

Unwanted thoughts of pride or contempt that come are temptations.
Agreeing with and/or persisting with those thoughts can lead to sin.

It sounds like you are under spiritual attack meant to discourage you from prayer.

All of us can grow in holiness, with God’s help.

Praying even when you don’t fee like it
is a sign of faith, hope, and love for God.

I will pray for you
and I hope you will pray for me.
And we can both pray for the Poor Souls in Purgatory,
since today is All Souls Day.

God loves the saints. (All Saints Day).
God loves all souls. (Those of us who are not quite perfect but on the right path).

:blessyou:

I have troubled thoughts too. I believe in God and that he sent his son here to die for us. But when I pray to God or praise God for something good that’s happened, or tell Him how much I love Him and am grateful for all He has done for me it seems like I’m hearing a voice in my head telling me “you know there isn’t really a God”, “how can there be something up there in the sky that created us”, “science has proven this and that…”. I don’t like these thoughts at all. It makes me think God is not there for me and that I don’t have a intimate relationship with Jesus. That God looks down on me and doesn’t want me. They put doubt in my head. I truly do believe in God so why am I always having these thoughts? Sometimes I question myself wondering if these voices are right.

I just now thought that perhaps I’m feeling guilty over not being a “good” Catholic or a practicing Catholic. It’s been a few years for different reasons such as when my Catholic husband of 25 years left me for another woman and more recently after my 28 year old son died three years ago.

I am so sorry about the death of your son. The loss of a child pierces the heart of every mother. God understands fully why and how you are feeling. I truly believe that this is why Christ has given us His Mother to love and care for us. Cline to His Mother. The dark clouds of the death of your child will always be there but the sun is still shining and there will be days when the light will shine through all the pain. I will pray for you and your boy.

Thank you so much Helen.

First i just want to quote something from St. Padre Pio -

*"Don’t worry if you feel cold when you meditate and pray … and if you see yourself still surrounded by weakness, because given that this takes place against your every will, there is no fault, and is nothing but a source of merit for you.

These are the trials of chosen souls whom God wants to put to the test when he sees they have the necessary strength to sustain the battle…"*

We are week, and it seems as though temptations are constant, but there is a difference between being tempted to sin, and actually giving into sin, if you feel proud, or experience temptation to give into your pride(or what have you) it is not a sin merely to feel those things, and infact it is meritorious to be tempted as long as we do not give in.

i would recommend meditating on that quote from St. Pio, keeping in mind why we were created, you were created for God alone, and we are here in this life to learn to know, love, and serve Him so that we may be happy with Him in the next life…so then when you feel cold and tired of caring, try to remember that you’re not here for yourself, your prayer life and efforts towards holiness ought to be with God in mind, with Him alone as your goal…which is something also that must be worked at, and you need to be patient with yourself, because God will help you at the pace that is best for you, trust that He knows what He is doing, consider that perhaps in order to overcome your faults, you need to learn and experience certain things first, which can only be learned though the trials God sends you, because remember, temptations will always be with you as long as you live here on earth, even the saints were constantly tempted, but they knew how to resist temptations, or flee from them, that is what you need to learn, that is what these trials you’re experiencing are for…and forgive me for saying this, but if you are feeling depressed or despaired or like not caring anymore, it’s because you’re thinking of yourself.
in your case, with your feelings of coldness and not wanting to care, maybe God wants you to learn not to do things based on feelings, but based on simply loving God and doing what is right to please Him.
when we rely on our feelings for anything, it’s easy to be manipulated, whether by the world or the devil, or even by ourselves, if you want to be holy and overcome yourself, you must use your logic and reason, not your feelings…of course feelings have their proper place, but they should never decide things for us.

now that all aside, i want to address what you said here - **“I lose all desire for prayer because pride is the greatest of sin and where there is pride God is not present, so why would I even try to pray when no one’s going to listen?”
**

pride has many degrees and forms, and is the root of all sin(though not every sin is pride), but that doesn’t mean that because you have temptations to pride or give into it in any degree whatsoever, that you are committing a grave sin, or a worse sin than any other…please be assured that that is simply not true, no matter what sin we commit, pride is behind it in one way or another, and it can be summed up simply by this - that pride is being a liar with yourself, thinking yourself greater than you are or worthy of something when you are not…actually let me quote the definition of pride from a good Catholic dictionary, which i think will explain it better than i can -

*"PRIDE. An inordinate esteem of oneself. It is inordinate because it is contrary to the truth. It is essentially an act or disposition of the will desiring to be considered better than a person really is. Pride may be expressed in different ways: by taking personal credit for gifts or possessions, as if they had not been received from God; by glorying in achievements, as if they were not primarily the result of divine goodness and grace; by minimizing one’s defects or claiming qualities that are not actually possessed; by holding oneself superior to others or disdaining them because they lack what the proud person has; by magnifying the defects of others or dwelling on them. When pride is carried to the extent that a person is unwilling to acknowledge dependence on God and refuses to submit his or her will to God or lawful authority, it is a grave sin. The gravity arises from the fact that a person shows contempt for God or of those who take his place. Otherwise, pride is said to be imperfect and venially wrong.

While not all sins are pride, it can lead to all sorts of sins, notably presumption, ambition, vainglory, boasting, hypocrisy, strife, and disobedience. Pride strives for perverse excellence. It despises others and, depending on its perversity, even looks down upon God. The remedies for pride are a sincere knowledge of oneself, the acceptance of daily humiliations, avoidance of even the least self-complacency, humble acknowledgment of one’s faults, and prayerful communion with God."*

(continued in next post)

(continued from last post)

so as it says, there are serious forms of pride, but you will likely find that the kind of pride you suffer from is venial, although even venial sins must be taken seriously, but remember that sin, whether mortal or venial, is not nearly as displeasing to God when committed through weakness as it is when committed on purpose…and from what you said, it seems clear to me that you do not want to sin at all, and you are feeling discouraged because you feel like you’re not making any progress…
but i want to ask, are you giving into your thoughts of pride, or just being tempted by them? a thought entering your mind is not a sin, it only becomes a sin when we accept it and willfully delight in it.
but don’t think that just because you fall into the same sins even after years, that you are not making progress, sometimes progress is not in overcoming a sin altogether, but in committing those sins less and less.
also let me assure you, that God does hear your prayers, the proud that God does not hear are those who pray in a proud manner, such as the pharisee in this parable - "The Pharisee standing, prayed thus with himself: O God, I give thee thanks that I am not as the rest of men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, as also is this publican. I fast twice in a week: I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not so much as lift up his eyes towards heaven; but struck his breast, saying: O God, be merciful to me a sinner. I say to you, this man went down into his house justified rather than the other: because every one that exalteth himself, shall be humbled: and he that humbleth himself, shall be exalted. "
so please do not think it useless to pray, God does hear you and wishes to help you, but you must accept His help how He sees fit, not how you think is best, as we are told “For my thoughts are not your thoughts: nor your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” Isaias (Isaiah) 55:8
sometimes it can be the hardest thing to simply trust in God and reject our own ideas and feelings, but give it time, and keep praying, and i am sure that you will soon see a change in yourself for the better.
i would also recommend trying to find some good Catholic books to deepen your knowledge and understanding of our faith, i mean no offense by this, but i could see from what you said, that you have some misunderstandings about alot of things concerning our faith.
and for that i would also recommend being careful what books you choose, there are alot which are not Church approved that can be misleading and only further confuse you,
for really good trustworthy catholic books, this site here or here are good…

well, i hope this helps, sorry if i made this at all confusing, take care.

I experience this too. I figure it’s one of two things in my case. 1) I spent many years as an agnostic and experiementing with varying faiths. Old habits die hard. Reclaiming my faith is hard work, not going to be easy. So I try to be aware of this.

  1. I read an article which dealt with spiritual attack in reverts or converts to Catholicism. Perhaps it’s this. I deal with it by praying the rosary and the St Michael chaplet.

off topic…but can I just say autocorrect is a pain? I typed “spiritual attack” and my ipad changed it to “spitball attack”…:D:confused:

Thank you everyone for your responses. :slight_smile:

I think most times, the anxiety is self-induced.

My perception of God is Someone who demands perfection and would cast aside those who do not meet expectations. I see God as Someone from Whom I can never gain approval, and I attempted to do this and that, but realizing my efforts are only trifles and meager, in addition to numerous faults and imperfections, that caused anger and resentment that God somehow set up impossible hurdles for only holy saints to jump over, and I’m just stuck here trying to keep my head above water.

I prayed briefly to St. Therese since if I remember correctly, she had anxiety issues as well.

Perhaps these are just random thoughts or perhaps she answered them, who knows.

But the question came up: If I can believe that with God’s grace I can avoid actively and willfully sinning as I have done in the past, why am I not confident in God’s love for humanity? Why do I not trust God Who is love and follow my own ideas of Him instead?

All that’s necessary in this moment in life is to be ordinary and do ordinary things well.

Perhaps I’ve been burdening myself with perceived ideas of holiness in a form of spiritual greed.

Simple lay vocation, simple love of coworkers, simple prayer from the heart.

Where do I find trust, hope, and faith?

God may be spurring you on to something great. Your restlessness just may be a gift.

Sometimes our feelings of guilt is caused by knowing deep inside that there is a calling that we are ignoring. Sometimes we prefer feelings of guilt to the sacrifice that Christ is calling us to.

Examine your weaknesses and more important your strengths. Are you using your gifts of talent, physical strength, intelligence or knowledge for God.

It is hard to know whether or not our feelings of guilt are justified. Sometimes they are God calling us to a greater effort. You can only find out for sure by continue walking through the desert with faith, even if you do not feel you are making any progress at all.

Read,reread and reread “The Story of a Soul” by Saint Therese’ of Lisieux. It takes awhile to understand what the “Little Way” is and how to apply it to your life.

Sometimes I tell her, “St. Therese, you never even committed a mortal sin, what would you know about my disastrous life?” :blush:

Make a devout sign of the cross over yourself in a thoughtful way when tempted.

In the last several months I’ve become aware of how much Pride can drive my actions. For the last month, I’ve been praying this Litany of Humility. It has seriously increased my awareness, as well as, my lack of desire to change some things. I’ve come to love this prayer because I know Jesus is helping me.

ourcatholicprayers.com/litany-of-humility.html

Hope it gives you some Hope and Peace as it has me.

God bless you.

Mummsie

edited after major comma confusion :confused::smiley:

She would love you anyway. She prayed for a murderer and rejoiced that this murderer kissed the cross and repented before he was hanged.

She wrote extensive letters to a very flawed, very shallow young man by the name of Maurice Belliere who became a not so successful missionary priest.

She saw inside the hearts of people and loved them.

In her darkest moments she said that she sat at the table with atheists and understood their darkness. She walked in a dark lonely tunnel of her mind groping for some sign of love from Christ.

Read “Come Be My Light” - letters of St. Teresa of Calcutta.

For me the message is: Take one tiny step at a time in the darkness. Keeping walking the rocky path of the desert. You are a sinner - perhaps a miserable sinner. The Apostle Paul was witness to and approved of the stoning of St. Stephen. He was responsible for the imprisonment of many Christians.

And perhaps most important don’t feel sorry for yourself. You are no worse nor better than most everyone else. It is a form of pride to consider yourself to be so great a sinner that you are unable to be forgiven. It is form of pride because you place yourself above the power of God’s mercy. You are not greater and your sins are not greater than God’s mercy. You can not ride that excuse anymore.

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